wanting to hurt someone

[loz22]

I have been with my fella for almost 2 years, we are now married, but he has one psyco of an ex girlfriend, he has 2 kids with her, now I love those kids to bits, they don't bother me at all, but his ex is a nutter, she keeps trying to be all nice and chatty and often nosey into our lives, but every month or so she flies off the handle and starts a row with him, he then much to my delight says he isn't going to talk to her anymore, and will only talk to her where the kids are concerned, which I think "great" and it stays like this for a few weeks of her just sending the kids out and going back into her house, but then she will start talking **** to him again all in front of me trying to make it look like she's flirting with him, and he hates her to bits, but in my eyes he just wont stand up to her and say he doesn't want to talk to her, I know that he says he's doing it for the kids, but they seem happier when they aren't talking to eachother, as she starts rows with him in front of them.

now my main problem is, that everytime I see her talking to him, I just want to kill her so bad, I enjoy my thoughts of kicking her head in and its making me into a very aggressive person, which I'm not usually, and its as you can imagine causing abit of strain on my marriage as it feels like I'm becoming obssessed with her.

please help/

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Loz, it's okay to think and feel whatever you want as long as you are sure that you won't act on your violent thoughts, but if that is a possibility, then you should be seeing a therapist.  These kind of tensions with the ex are so common, you might try finding a book on the subject before it gets worse.  The most important thing is for you and your husband to be on the same page, which means he stops encouraging her, and you give him a little more room to find a solution that fits the needs of the kids, as well as you.

[loz22]

PLEASE SOMEONE HELP BEFORE I GO CRAZY.

[loz22]

thanks I definately wont act on anything, Im just not used to having such thoughts about someone, the strange thing is, is that my husband doesn't encourage her one little bit, but she is either really really stupid or really really clever and seems to get him into positions where he cant get out of having to speak to her, because she is such a loose cannon he keeps having to try and keep the peace so that she doesn't threaten to take the kids away from him, but I know this to be a bluff when she says this, as he had taken my advice and said "well its up to you, I can't stop you" and less than 2 hours later she had text him saying that he can still see the kids, it just makes me angry that he feels he is still tied to her because of them, when my parents divorced they most definately wasn't tied to eachother and my mum and dad never really spoke, so I cannot see how much of a different situation he is in. maybe its me being selfish and seeing things how I want to see them or how I feel they should go, maybe I should just keep my nose out of their business after all its really nothing to do with me.  

me and my husband did have a talk about stuff last night, he feels he is stuck in the middle all the time and that if he doesn't talk to her he makes her fly off the handle and if he does I get mad, I do sympathise with him but I cannot help it, we have decided tho, that she is taking over our lives and I want to stop this.