Pregnant and not happy

[chel86]

I've just found out this morning tha I'm pregnant and my initial reaction was to burst in to tears and horror.  I do not want another baby.  I have a 3 year old and my DD has just turned 1.  I am content with my life as it is.  i've told my DH, and while I thought he would "tell" me I'm having the baby, he considered my feelings and we'll be talking about it tonight.

I'm about 6 weeks?  What happens with a termination?  Am I still at the stage where they give me a pill to take?

[truthspeaks2007]

Congrats on your pregnancy! Be encouraged! I have read through the forum for the last thirty minutes and seen all the encouragements, strong beliefs, and warnings from women who have shown genuine concern to your unexpected and unplanned pregnancy.
However I noticed no one mentioned taking a little retreat for yourself or shared time with you and your DH; that time alone will help you to focus and be strengthed with your decision to give birth and parent your baby. You will have an oppurtunity to dicuss what things you want done differently with the pregnancy, labor and delivery process, names, the sex of the baby, and laugh together about all the wonder charateristics you enjoy from your other children that you hope to see in this new little one.
Keep in mind the actress Brooke Shields who experienced PPD after the birth of a child she so badly wanted, she was critized and she was encouraged but she made it. The second time around there was no PPD sytoms whatsoever! You know the saying, "no two pregnancies are the same".
I think you should post a new forum... "pregnant, very happy and welcoming baby number three"

[Evie1963]

This is a decision you're going to have to make yourself. You've been through bringing up two kids to teens already and have lived it tough. Can you do this again? Will you resent the child if you do go ahead with the pregnancy and birth? Your two kids are probably nearing independence now and you'll have some freedom back. Is this what you want now for your future or do you feel you have enough love and time to give to a new child. Are you emotionally able to cope with bringing another child into the world? If you are then you know what to do.

Like you said, it isn't realistic to think that a caring man is going to appear and give you and your unborn child the family you hope for anytime soon. I'm not saying it's impossible but the chances are low if we're looking into the near future.

You need to weigh up the pros and cons Laura. If you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy I wish you all the best and if you don't I'll wish you all the best just as equally. Whatever the decision, don't feel guilty ok. :)

[laurab2b]

By the way, I'm 6 1/2 weeks pregnant and am considering abortion... to avoid being alone again, poor, single mom of 2 young teens.  My lover had an affair and wanted to marry another woman.  I can't take him back.  I have so much distrust.  I dont' want to stay with him for the sake of being pregnant either.  
I want to have it but with another man who loves me and can provide a home.  But,that is not reality.  So,I may have to abort.  I just want to hold on a couple more days, to reconsider.  But, not for too long.  I'm scared. Time is ticking.  I don't want to go through it all over again poor and on food stamps and I dont want to do adoption... no way.  I wanted have another baby.  Circumstances are just so bad now.
Help.  Any subjestions?

[laurab2b]

I wish a man would adopt me and baby to be rather than me adopt baby out.  I'm a single mom and would love a family with a husband to have this baby with. :(
Lonely in CA.

[chel86]

Thanks.  I was wondering if there would be anything that I could take if I did start to have problems with depression while pregnant, and my GP said he would look in to it, so it's good to know that there is, just in case.  Hopefully I wont need it.

[Mandy725]

I'm so happy to hear you feeling better. I really think it's great that you are being so pro-active with your well being. There is no shame in asking others to be there for you. :)

[ang7880]

I just wanted to add that I had depression during my pregnancy with my 3rd child and was put on Zoloft, which helped tremendously.  I'm not an advocate for traditional medications, I normally won't even take a tylenol for a headache.  But I would start crying for no reason...  Zoloft, as my doctor put it, was safe to take during pregnancy and while nursing.  Good luck with everything.  ♥

[gatorfrog]

I read all these posts and just felt I had to comment. I had an abortion at 18 (I am now 50) and I have never, ever forgotten it. I have forgiven myself for having one, but I didn't forget. I have since had 5 wonderful children, 2 miscarriages, so I have been through alot.  It was definitely your decision to make and a very tough one too. I would think that you will be able to find help for your PPD - just make sure your doctor is aware of that.  I wish you all the best and I hope that you will find much joy in this child. Take care.

[chel86]

Thank you.

I've made my appointment with the midwife - next Friday.  And I saw my GP today and spoke about my worries and concerns regarding depression before and after the birth.  He's suggested that I speak to a professional and was really supportive.  It may prevent any PND and if he doesn't he said he will be on standby to help me immediately if I need it.  So I'm feeling so much more happier and hopeful.  Even bought my first maternity top yesterday and got quite excited!  I'll keep you all posted and have to say again at how touched and thankful for all of yoiur support.

[nfarrell9]

stop judging her

[arynjoy06]

good luck!  I've been reading tlyour posts and I'm glad you decided to keep the baby.  I hope you have a great pregnancy. and your baby is going to be beautiful!  they always are!

[ang7880]

You are in my prayers.  I'm happy for you and will pray that things go smoothly for you and your husband...and the little one.    ♥  I wish you well.  

[chel86]

Thank you April, Mandy & Evie (!).  The comments from TandC were abit hurtful and harsh, and I did try to deal with them, but it's good to know someone else supports the fact that this is my body and my decision!

I will keep you all posted about the pregnancy.  I've woken up today quite positive really with no regrets of cancelling the appointment yesterday, so fingers crossed.

[Evie1963]

No one wants to hear your guilt trips that 'abortion is murder'. You're 21 and haven't had a life time of extremely hard decision making, which equals limited experience. You just want to spit your venom on a woman who has the right to make her own decisions about HER body.

There's too many people in the world anyway. Humans are a bunch of over breeders, we've raped the Earth of all it's resources and still want more. If an animal species had bred to plague proportions as we have, we would've had them culled!

[Mandy725]

I'm glad you've decided either way. You sound like a very smart woman, who can recognize potential consequences of your actions and are taking a proactive step to ensure not only YOUR stability, but your families as well and I commend you for that. I'd say that to you regardless of your choice to abort or keep it. Try and keep your head up hon.

[April2]

chel, I'll keep praying that you will have an uneventful pregnancy and that everything will go smoothly in the pregnancy and after and that you won't get PND or get depression or anything of that sort. I pray that your baby will be healthy and strong and a joy to you and your family. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing from time to time. We care and would love to hear from you. Whenever you're feeling scared, alone, anxious or depressed, just click on here and talk to someone. I know we're not doctors or counselors but maybe we can at least encourage you and lift your spirits and help you feel a little less alone. Try and relax and take one day at a time and don't worry about what could happen, ok? You're very brave and I admire your courage. You'll make it, I know. It's going to be ok. God bless you.

[chel86]

As I said, I've made my decision and I'm keeping the baby.  I know everyone is entitled to their own views and opinions, as you have yours and I have mine.  But if you read through the posts this has not just been about the baby afterwards and this has been a really difficult situation for me.

But, thanks to those who have posted and provided me with comforting advice and support, regardless of their opinions, I have been able to make the decision which will hopefully be right for me and my family.

[TandC]

Your lucky to be able to get pregnet like that. I was 16 and had an eptopic pregnacy. I am 21 now and think i MIGHT be prenet but not sure. I really hope I am cause I reall want children. I even already got names picked out for it if I am. If you dont want it give it away to someone who really wants one. Don't kill it. Abortion is murder. You don't want to be a convicted killer in your mind do you? The hospital can call Child & Youth to come pick it up after you spit it out. Abortion isnt the way.... Make the right choice

[chel86]

Thank you all.  I've made my decision.  I was booked in tonight to have a consultation about a termination, but I've cancelled it.  My husband and I have talked and I think that if I had a termination then eventually our marriage will fail.  And it's not the baby's fault this was accidental or about how I feel.

That's the first time I've called it a baby... I still don't know how I feel.  There's been a lot of crying this last few hours.  I will still be going to talk so someone about my feelings to get some help though.

[peekawho]

Chel, I wish you the best in your decision making process.  I think the idea to talk to someone objective will help.  

There are pros and cons to each side of the situation, and only you can make the final decision.  Which ever way you decide, be prepared for depression that will almost surely follow.  There are good treatments available.  Don't wait for it to hit you, get treatment proactively.  

Let us know how it goes, but as you know, this site has a lot of women who are TTC and who may have a different frame of mind about the situation.  You have every right to post here, as much as they do.

I wish you the best.

[elizabeth watson]

my name liz and its a hard decision to make i may be pregnant 10 late now and my boyfriend want me to have one if it turns out i am as he says hes not ready to be a dad i wish you all the luck liz  

[chel86]

Thank you all for your advice.  I know that this is ultimately a decision that can only be made by me and my husband, but it is also comforting to hear other opinions and sides of the story.

I have been through all the possible scenarios, and I am very worried about what my state of mind would be like afterwards.  I do worry that if i do carry on then maybe I would resent my husband (because he's in 2 minds about the whole thing) and then would resent the baby.  I worry that I would get depression while pregnant, and then what would happen if an already depressed new mum gets severe PND on top of that?  My PND was bad with my first, worse with my second with suicidal thoughts, but never any intentions.  What would happen this time?

But above all, I do not feel one bit happy since I found out.  I think I really do need to speak with someone and will make an appointment to, whatever happens.  I still feel very confused and won't be making a decision in this frame of mind.

[Mandy725]

Hi hon. I hope you don't let other people's opinions and judgements sway what you think is best for you and your family. I myself, do find it hard to hear that- only because my boyfriend and I want a child badly and have been trying for months and just can't seem to make it happen. However, I am also an adopted child- so I do know what it feels like to be on the other end. I'd say if you feel that strongly that it will ruin your life, listen to your heart. I would hate to think you'd feel pressured or guilted into having a child you didn't want- and perhaps resenting the child later. However, if you are worried about depression and or family issues. Talking to a therapist or your dr can really help. There is possibly some underlying issues that need to be addressed. Such as clinical depression. Either way, don't allow someone to make you feel guilty for doing what's best for you. Good luck hon.

[Evie1963]

I've had 4 children and I love them very much but I've had a termination and the experience wasn't a bad one, you wake up and it's all over. Counseling is available for you too. At 6 weeks you'd need a D &C , which takes about 5 -10 minutes under anesthetic. This is you and your husband's decision, no one else's. Posting in a worldwide forum will get you all sorts of judgmental responses. I believe in abortion but that's my view, many people don't and it's a debate no one can win. Here is an Australian website with FAQ that might help you. Good Luck with your decision. www.gcaus.com.au/terminations_faq.php