HELP 8 year old still wetting at night

[Lezieh]

My eight year old won’t stop wetting the bed at night.  I get so frustrated because we have tried EVERYTHING!  We used to wake him up, we stopped liquids, gave rewards, put him in pull-ups but nothing!  We have taken him to the doctor; there is nothing physically wrong.  He has a counselor but that hasn’t helped.  What is worse is he will wake up but won’t get out of bed because “he doesn’t feel like it.”  He said I know I have to go but I just don’t want to get out of bed.  So he sleeps in his own urine.  We put a training potty in his room, but that didn’t help; he still chose to go in his bed.  We have had him wash his own sheets and nightclothes but that doesn’t work.  He just doesn’t seem to care.  I know he is embarrassed but he can’t go to sleepovers because of this.  We sent him to camp for a week thinking that would help but it didn’t.  He refuses to take a shower in the morning unless I say something.  He has hidden his pull-ups, clothes, blankets, all full of pee, in his room.  His room smells so bad that I literally vomit if I smell it.  Sometimes the smell carries throughout the house.  I have had him wash down the walls thinking that might work to get him to stop because he hates doing work. Nope.  We have tried talking to him calmly and rationally, but nothing works!  I am so fed up.  I don’t know what to do.  We have even tried offering him a new bed with a new mattress as enticement. He got excited but it didn’t work.  He wet his pants during the day until he was seven.  Finally he stopped that.  He was physically and mentally abused by his biological mother but hasn’t seen her in over 2 years and hasn’t spoken to her in almost a year.  Still nothing.  I understand abuse takes time to heal but I don't know what else to do to help my son.  Help!

[goatgirl]

I am still struggling to potty train my 4 year old son so I am probably not the best person to give potty training advice.  My only suggestion is that you may want to also try posting your question in both the Child Behavior and the Maternal and Child forums.  I have seen a lot of potty training questions in those forums.  Hopefully between the 3 forums you will find someone able to offer you some helpful advice.  Hang in there!  

[Lezieh]

Thank you I will give it a try and good luck with your son!

[nastursim]

Hi, i know this is very frustrating, I have a 7 year old son and he still wets the bed. Sometimes he can go for months dry and then suddenly will start wetting the  bed, some nights he has wet it up to 3 times!! My husband gets him up in the middle of the night and it still makes no difference. He went to a school camp for a week and the teacher got him up every night, although he said that was very difficult as he is a heavy sleepier, and he still wet the bed. Just recently i spoke to a child psychiatrist about this and she said it is perfectly normal for boys of this age, and older, to still be wetting the bed. Apparently it takes a lot longer in them for there muscles to mature .

I would make him shower every time he wets the bed, no questions asked. Do you use a mattress cover?? I have found the best thing is a plastic shower curtain, as it doesn't  go through, can easily be wiped over for quick bed making, and is very cheap.  Apart from encouraging the cleanliness side of things , maybe try not giving it so much attention, as he may really be ashamed of this and the hiding of the sheets may be his way of showing this.

My only suggestions are, and it is no cure, only time can do that, limit his drinks at night, get him up in the middle of the night to encourage the emptying of his bladder, if he has an "accident", than just put him in the shower, remove his bed sheets, then put him back to bed afterwards. When my son wakes up in the morning having had wet the bed, I encourage him to help me take the sheets off and put them in the laundry. I do not make a huge thing over it, because it is not his fault, even if you think he is doing it out of laziness, it is a fact boys take a LOT longer to outgrow bed wetting. It could still be partly trauma related, traumatic experiences can stay with us a life time, even if he hasn;t seen the mother for a year, you do not know how he is really dealing with it inside, or what things he may relive in his dreams.

Be sensitive to his needs, and maybe find a friend who is understanding where he can start having sleepovers. My son generally does not wet the bed away from home, but a friend suggested to me to pack a sleeping bag so that it can easily be brought home for cleaning. All the best, and please, try and be patient with him, he is just a sensitive little  boy.

[ADDvocateMOM]

My oldest son had this problem. No matter how long we limited fluids before bed, he still wet the bed.  We knew because of other reasons that he needed his tonsils and adnoids removed at age 5. When the time came we went to the ENT to discuss the surgery. As he examined my son, the first thing he asked me was if he wets the bed. I said yes, but I thought that I had just done a bad job potty training him. He said it is one of the biggest symptoms of enlarged tonsils. Since he had the surgery, we saw a huge difference. He is 8 now and he may have one accident every few months, but usually because he loves to eat crushed ice before bed, but sometimes forgets to go to the bathroom before sleeping..........
Might want to have his tonsils checked out.

Good luck

sskb

[Lezieh]

Thank you all for your suggestions.  I really appreciate this.  I am so lost and nothing has worked.  I will have him checked out by the doctor again and I will try getting him up at night and making him take a shower.  Thank you again.  If you think of anything else please let me know.

[teko]

When my boys were young, They also wet the bed.  For some reason the girls never did. I have 3 boys and 3 girls.  My second son was the big problem. We had no washer and dryer so this was a really frustrating time. Finally, I got a plastic sheet and put on his bed and two sets of sheets. He wet the bed until he reached 15. Like you I was at my wits end. Took him to the dr, restricted liquids, set the alarm, everything. You name it.  When he was 15 he was able to get a job at the local department store where we lived.  I told him if he continued to pee the bed, then each time he got his paycheck he would have to buy a new sheetset for the bed and throw the old one out, cause I was not washing it anymore.  Got the first paycheck, he had to buy sheets.  by the second paycheck, we no longer had a problem with wetting the bed. So, I guess I am no help:>(

[teko]

I meant to add that you might want to get some depends, (adult diapers). The more attention brought to this matter, the more traumatic and damaging it will be for the child.

He may not like the idea of diapers, but he needs to understand that until you all can figure out what the problem is, it cannot be allowed to destroy and funk up everyone else's living space.

Allow him to put them on himself, instruct him to change and shower and dispose of it in garbage next morning.  That will calm some of the frustration somewhat. They did not sell these things when my kids were small, but to big for standard diapers.

[littlebartie]

I use to wet the bed- don't punish him!

There is a drug called ADDP- that worked well for me- its a nose spray that is used at bed time.
Take him to a dr. that specializes in the urinary tract- maybe there is something there at night- i didn't have the hormone that regulates this.

[teko]

Great Post.  Lotsa moms will appreciate that.

[rw310]

My son wet the bed until we had his tonsils and adenoids taken out. He had sleep apnea from enlarged tonsils and ENT said it messed up his normal sleep patterns.

Also, we found that when he drank milk close to bedtime this would increase the bedwetting.

[gina272]

My son is almost 7 and not only does he wet the bed but he wets and poops in his pants during the day.  He says that he cant feel it when he has to go.  We have been to the dr on three occassions and they told me to give him enimas and milk of magnesia to clean him out.  I have done that and he still is going on himself daily.  I get calls from the school almost daily and because of this he had to be held back a grade because he was out of the classroom so much in K that he missed a lot of the work, when he got in 1st grade he couldn't keep up.  I am taking him back to the dr on Tuesday but any suggestions I would appreciated.  I know most of you only have night time bedwetters(I'd take that right now vs daytime).  Please help.

[barley7]

Hi, just wondered if anyone had heard of or tried the enuresis treatment centre, in america.  I have 4 children, 10, 7, 5, &2.  The oldest 3 all wet the bed, most nights.  I have started on the ETC, program with my eldest and wondered if anyone else had tried this route. Many thanks Kim

[margypops]

Have you addressed any other problems he may have in his life that could be causing this issue,is he happy with school and family, are there any other issues may be disturbing him , seems you are all dwelling on 'bells and whistles and diapers, could he simply be having problems and his way of acting out is this way. RTereading your post I would say there is an emotional issue and maybe some counceling would help.