Its been two years since ive been here. -Jenni

[misscurious]

Hey girls, I'm not sure how many of you remember me, but I made quite the impression in the womans forum 2 years ago when I found out I was pregnant, but my boyfriend, James, at the time was very drunk and abusive........
Okay, So I had my daughter, Cadence on my 21st birthday, June of 2006 and I left him a week before last Xmas... Right about now, on this date exactly was when I found out i was pregnant. It was the most exciting, horrific, dramatic and blessed time of my life. Not one moment of my pregnancy was a complete happy feeling. Between curling up and sleeping with my ears plugged and locking myself in the bathroom and closet, I was holding my stomache thinking of my little girl... I cant stop thinking about those nights of pain i went through. I can't stop thinking about the times that I spend screaming, the times i spent being locked inside the car while he pummeled my face and punched my stomache. i cant stop thinking about those nights that I was out walking the neighborhool in the middle of the night because I would rather exhaust myself than be inside hearing his grunting noises and lifely threatning talk....
Even though its been nearly a year since i left him, i can't let go. this time of year is especially hard.... I love my little girl shes so important to me. It makes me so angry and makes me dispise her father when he says that he loves her and when he sees her he talks about all the neat things they did and what not when in reality, when he found out she was a girl on Dec. 18 2005, he said in the ultrasound room, "i dont want it, get an abortion. u gave me a girl" and beat me in the car all the way home while i clinched onto the chrochet pink blanket the nurse gave me. It makes me sick. And 2 weeks before I gave birth, he hit me in the head wiht a Jack Daniels bottle, and served time in jail... (been sober ever since, but dosnt make a difference to me).
This is getting pretty long, but I'm having serious troubles.
Girls, I don';t wanna hear baggering or trolling, just talk to me. Its hard enough dealing with this stuff.
Thanks,
Formerly, MissJenni

[misscurious]

i think I was Jenni6485 back then...... ???? But someone else is using it now??

[April2]

Wow, you've gone through so much. You are incredibly brave and a strong woman. It must have been so hard and scary to not only be in that situation but to leave being pregnant and alone. And having to give birth alone and raise a child by yourself. You should be incredibly proud of yourself. You put your daughter first. You gave her life and hope. You broke the cycle of abuse by taking her out of that situation. Good for you!
How are you doing now? Are you on your own? Doing ok money wise? I hope you have a good support system of family and friends. You will need it. The things you've been through are horrific and it will take time to heal and move on. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just take one day at a time. You may want to consider some counseling for a little while to help you heal. If you can't afford one,you can get counseling for free from a pastor.You really need a good, strong support system right now. Are you working?
One thing that worries me is if he is still seeing you and your daughter. If he's that abusive, then you have to protect you and your little girl. If I were you, I'd make sure I had full custody and supervised visits from him. Does he give child support? You may need to get some legal advice to protect you and your little girl.
You're headed in the right direction, though! You've taken the first huge step towards a better life for you and your daughter. Just think what an example you can be for your daughter! You're already teaching her to be brave, strong and to love herself enough to not allow anyone to mistreat her or her loved ones. You are teaching her that she can do anything she wants, she can go anywhere she wants. You are teaching her to respect herself and others. You are teaching her that she doesn't have to depend on a man. She can do whatever she wants! Do you see what an example you are being to her? God bless you two! I wish you both the best. Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing!

[slow_healer]

Misscurious, take the time to pat yourself on the back. Treat yourself to a movie. Play a song you like and sing along with it. Do something to reward yourself for where you are and how far you have come. So many women go back to their abusive partners because it's easier, and you are one of few triumphantly resisting!

Anniversaries of this rough time may always be hard to deal with. It might not change for a long time, so think about planning some good happy plans to offset the negative sentiment you're going to feel at this time. Do you have a friend you can call? I have a friend with whom I tell her to remind me that I'm doing well. Even if it's only token, hearing it from someone who cares about you can go a long way!

I share April2's concern that this man is still in your life and your daughter's. Have you protected you and your daughter legally? What kind of legal rights does he have to your daughter? How does he treat you when he visits? If he's still abusive or unpredictable, I would seriously consider ejecting him from you and your daughter's life altogether. She can understand when she's older that it was best for you both. Plus not seeing him regularly will only hinder you from moving on. Just my two cents. Hang in there!

[teko]

You have deeply rooted, hurt, anger. This one is for the professionals.  It sounds to me like it is still very volitile and could be a potentially dangerous situation to comment on.  Please seek a counselor now.