Trying to break the cycle.

[loriwalters_06]

When I finally break down and eat, even if it is a salad, I am defeated. It sparks my hunger and the the binge begins. I know I need fuel, why am I so easy to give in. I need the strength to stop being a glluten and know how to stop after I have eatin' only what I need.

[dsrvthebest]

I suffer from the same habit.  I was bulimic for 32 years and as with all addictions I will always have eating disorders but have to learn to control them.  Have stopped vomiting for two years now.  I have been doing exactly what you do for a long time.  I don't eat during the day.  Afraid to eat and start the eating cycle and also afraid to take in too many calories and "bad" foods.  I then eat dinner and its downhill from there.  I eat throughout the night.  I even wake up and go eat.  You wouldn't believe some of the things I have eaten in the night.  Actully, a lot of the time I really don't remember what I eat and I find out when I go into kitchen in the morning.  I have been told by the therapists that I need to eat breakfast, snack, lunch, dinner, and snack every day and then I won't binge or eat throughout the night.  I'm obviously still working on that.  See I believe that if I eat all that food during the day I will gain weight.  Instead I have slowed my metabolism down to nothing and I gain weight anyway.  I weigh 232.  Put on about 80 of it when I quit bulimia and smoking together within a month.  Quit smoking cause ended up in cardiac uit of hospital with severe irregular heart beats and extremely low pottasium.  Also sought help then for the bulimia.  Some of the side affects from bulimia are:  unable to have children, heart problems (irregular heartbeats), low potassium which can cause heart problems and death, rotten teeth (receding gums from the digestive acids that you throw up with food), oh! did I mention death.  These things all sound like reasons to quit the bulimia.  I started after my mother told me she did it.  She always had a weight problem and I inharited the same body genes that she had.  I didn't even know what it was then.  Thought she had a great idea to keep weight down all by herself.  I now know that God has been looking out for me because I should have died years ago.  Well I think I need to go to bed but if you want to write me thats fine.  Maybe we can support each other.  Support is very important and I never had any.  Mom committed suicide when I was 24  and I started bulimia at 21 so no one to talk to me about it.  I figure sometimes you figure you're alone and don't know what to do or where to turn.  There are a lot of people out there suffering with the same thing.  You are not alone.  Now, you need to start working at it.  I know I told you about the weight gain I had.  Even though I gainedweight I still wouldn't go back to vomiting to lose weight.  My health is so much better now.  I am very proud for having kicked the vomiting habit and smoking habit.  I smoked 3 packs a day.  I know you want to quit because you ask to talk to someone.  It took me about a year of therapy before I told my therapist about the bulimia.  You have made a great stride towards your recovery.  Please keep i t up.  Your life depends on it.

[Charlie's girl]

I am right there with you.  You are not alone!!!!!!  This is a disease that is so embarrassing.  Hang in there.

Charlie