Normal Behavior in 3-Year-Old?

[MaryJ0929]

My three-year-old son throws a huge tantrums several times a day.  For instance, we are serving X for lunch, and he wants Y, and we say he needs to have a few bites of X before we can have Y, and he throws a huge tantrum. These tantrums have gone on as long as 1 1/2  hours, and they are making us miserable. He won't give in or budge; he's incredibly inflexible.and uncompromising. I know he's only three, but his 5-year-old brother has Asperger's, so of course we worry that he might have a tinge of something. He also has separation anxiety at his preschool and doesn't want me to leave; he usually cries when I do go but then the teachers say later that he has had a good day.

My questions are these: Is this normal three-year-old behavior? Will he become more flexible as he matures? How do we encourage greater flexibility? And how do we handle these tantrums? In general, we stick to our guns about what we've requested of him, and he sticks to his guns, so it becomes a monumental battle of wills.

[rebbecca]

I think you should stick to your guns and I also think it is normal with 3 year old. They are very me, me, me, at that age.
Keep up the good work and Good Luck

[DustyL]

Is this normal three-year-old behavior? YES! Instead of allowing him to have Y when he eats a few of X maybe somedays you can ask him prior what he wants for lunch that might cut out some unneeded tantrums at lunch. Explain that this is whats going on whether it's lunch or a trip or what he's weraing that day and that if he can give you a rational thought as to why it should be different you'll consider it. If he screams put him in his room w/o saying a word and let him scream it out. When he's done ask him if he wants to talk about it calmly now. If he does, LISTEN, if he doesn't drop it.

Will he become more flexible as he matures? YES and NO. He will become more open to ideas but in the same respect he will know more and more of what he wants so as he grows you have to allow him to make more and more decisions about clothes, food, etc....

How do we encourage greater flexibility? Offer 2 different things (if able to) and tell him that maybe his idea can be used tomorrow but today it's X and Y and let him choose.

And how do we handle these tantrums? IGNORE THEM. When he gets your attention or his older sibling's attention from thowing them, even if its you yelling at him to stop or trying to talk to him, he's getting rewarded for his bad behavior. Do nothing. if it's a problem area where he does it. Pick him up and move him without a word to another location, Time out, room, etc. Do not talk to him until he's calm down and when he does LISTEN to him and what he has to say. At that time you can explain to him that as long as he throws those fits you will pay no regard to him and neither will anyone else. So if he wants your attention he needs to talk to you calmly. When he does control himself in an instance where he would general throw a tantrum REWARD him!!!! Tell him good job!! You'll see a change.

Don't forget, he's 3 and it's a phase. So just stick your guns... your doing the right thing!!! (next is the not listening phase so good luck and keep your head high and don't forget YOU'RE the PARENT not him!!!! =] )

[MaryJ0929]

Thank you both for your comments and great suggestions. He is testing us, that's for sure. When you have one special needs child, it's hard not to worry that you other child will have issues, too.