LONG-TERM TRAUMA

[mylilmia]

I've been with an abusive man for 16 years now and married to him for 11.
It began with physical and verbal .  Over the years he had mastered how to abuse me in every way possible.  Then the courts stepped in and the judge would no longer allow the physical and verbal abuse that took place.  He spent a little time in jail, but finally when faced with possible prison, he underwent anger management, probation, quit drinking and smoking dope.  It was like being with a new man, the one I fell in love with when we had met so long ago.  The probation ended and so did the wonderful man shortly after that.  
He never became physically violent again, but many of the other abuses are still happening.  We have a son who is 15 and loves his father, but watches him like a hawk around me after witnessing things a child should never be exposed to.  I too have changed over the years and I now know that no woman should be abused in any way for any reason.  I finally realize that I have to divorce this man in order to begin to heal.  The long-term affects of all this has left me physically disabled, mentally scarred and financially incapable to take care of myself and our son.  I live in ohio.  How do I divorce him and still be eligible to receive help financially for our son and me?  I need information on everything from walking out the door, setting up new living arrangements, counseling and filing for the divorce.  I'm not sure I know how to funcion without him, but I can't remain in such constant stress from abuse that keeps me from functioning with him.  If anyone has part or all of these answers please reply back.  Thank you for your help.

[Barbarella]

Your son is 15 yrs old and until he is 18 or 21 should he go to college your husband has to pay child support.

Get yourself a divorce lawyer ASAP, he/she will explain everything to you and will work with you.  If you cannot afford a lawyer go to "legal aid" in your city or the nearest big city to your home.

You need a doctor's statement which states that you are physically unable to work. A lawyer will state that you are financially incapable to take care of yourself.  Every State is different.  Your husband either has to pay you alimony or you will get disability from the State if it gets approved, but child support he HAS to pay IF he has a job and keeps on working that is.

Only a lawyer can answer all your questions and help make you financial arrangements.  A Therapist can help you emotionally and "advise" you, but only a lawyer can get all the legal stuff together for you.

Good luck to you!

[Curls]

Look for and contact the battered women's shelters and hotlines in your area.  There should be one someplace in the region even if you only talk by phone.  They can help with many of the details.  If it's a volunteer hotline and doesn't seem helpful, make sure to ask the program supervisor to call you back.  It is important to do the upfront planning in secret before confronting him.  It may give you some edge.  For attorney's ask them for referrals from satisfied clients, or other quality check.  You want an attorney who is decent at their job.  Congratulations on your decision and on taking charge of your life.  This is the hard part.  Then it will get much better.