Help!

[daenglishteacher]

I deal with children that have downs syndrome and some of them are very rebellious and disobedient.  How can I correct this problem?

[SimplyStar]

What you are seeing is not rebellion or disobedience, you are seeing a child that wants to learn from his/her peers, I also have worked for years with DS children and adults and find them to be the easiest to work with  of all disabilities. My son is stubborn, but this is a trait of the family, rebellion and disobedience are learned activities.  A DS wants to please, so a firm NO for misbehavoir and then given redirection , is the best learning tool.  Generally speaking a DS is the most loving and happy person , even into adulthood, they also have remarkable memorys.  If something is learned the right way , that is the way it is always done, a change in routine has to be worked on, till it is relearned.  I have known literally hundreds of DS children and adults in the 37 years that I have worked with them. Do you call it a disobedience for teasing? Do you call rebellion when there is a change in directions?  One step at a time, till learned. My son started to school when he was 2, wasn't even walking, He was fortunate to have mostly very good teachers  in the 19 years he attended school, we had one dismissed when all the children regressed that year. He graduated with the entire High School graduating class that year. We do not believe in segregation in our school system. Went to work in our facility here that serves 450, put into the right job, with a good Job Coach and an understanding base at the work place,  he does fantastic work.  It is all learned, step by step.  Check on how many of these behaviors could be coming from home. Take a good look at yourself, my dear, maybe it is you that creates the problem. Create a positive attitude and get rid of the negative stuff.  If I sound harsh, forgive me, but I do know about raising a DS to be able to use their unique abilities.  When he was born the term for his disbility was Mongolian Idiot,  it took only a few years of concerted effort from many parents,  just like me, to change the whole way  that he is now looked at. We fought for all the rights that they enjoy today.  I do not even like for him to be called "Special", he is not that at all, he is just my son.

[Blood88]

...Indenial.  Very true that children with DS has the ability to learned as much as children without DS but the lenght of time makes the difference.. means need more attention than others.  love them equal but treat them different...just is.  DS children has many other possible problems besides cognitivity depends on the severity of it. (some has minor heart problems and some has major hearth problems it all depends... so they need more attention than others. for example i wouldint careless think that a DS children with a heart problem can run as much as with children without DS. so paying attention to watch there limit is necessary, again need more attention than others.  IF everything goes well  DS children should have thesame capacity as children without DS. But then again if a person is willing to give them the attention they need  and not ignore that they have DS and if everything goes well.

[HunkAndDry]

Yeah, use whatever word you want, buddy. It's disobedience any way you slice it. Man you are so in denial lady it ain't even cute. You are the kind of person that if a retarded kid kills somebody you are right there saying it's because he is "special" and wanted to "learn" It's ****! It's all ****! Wake up and get a slice of reality lady!!!!!

[HunkAndDry]

My bad he is not special but somehow he is obviously different because he unlike regular kids is not responsible for his own actions... you are full of it pal..... and by the way, the horrible awful word I used that this website so kindly censored for me is the C R word. Man, if you think that's a bad word listen to the words my step mom uses with me every day, I swear you'll be thankful to hear the C word again.

[SimplyStar]

How many Downs drive cars?  Do drugs? Rape a woman?  Kill anyone or anything? Steal?  Cause unwanted pregnacys?   NONE!!!   Downs males are sterile, Downs females usually have hysterectomys to keep "normal" men from impregnating them.  In my estimation, it is the "normal" people we protect our Downs sons and daughters from. Do not confuse them with mentally ill people. My son is not mentally ill,  he is a member of my family and we all treat him just that way.  I am sorry you seem to have problems with your step mom, as I have a grand daughter going through the same thing. She feels her Dad should still  be with her "mentally ill" mother.  She does not like her step mom  because  she is there and her mom is not.  Life hands us problems and sometimes you just have to back off and handle them in an adult way.  Good Luck

[HunkAndDry]

HA! That's a good one. You think you know my family? You think you know my life? Well, you don't, and that's all I'm going to say on that issue. Back to Downs, why are you trying to protect them? And from "normal" people? Aren't they "normal", according to you anyway? Your son is just another member of your family, right? So why does he need special protection? I am not trying to start an arguement with you on a forum, I just want you to sit back for a second and see how flawed your logic is. Also, not to offend, but you seem to think you know a lot more than anyone else. Just hear me out. I may be younger than you, and have much less life experience, but that doesn't mean you can't listen to me. Please, just give it a chance.

[ImmortalOne]

As the aunt of a Downs child, Start I was not aware of the sterility of Male Downs children or that there are still hysterectomy's done on females.  I also have to say that my niece is a joy, and every time we see her I'm amazed at her progression.  

She may not walk at 2 1/2 years old, but she gets around in her own way.  She may not talk like you and I do, or even a normal 2 1/2 year old, but she understands words spoken to her and uses ASL to communicate.

Working in a public forum, and my experience with those whom have Downs is that not only are they usually some of the most loving people I've ever encountered, but they are also extremely trusting.  As such, some lack the ability to understand that the world around them isn't ideal and that in itself can lead to disaster.  Their choices need guidance because while they may be "high functioning" they still are not able to completely care for themselves 100%, 100% of the time like others, even as adults.

[SimplyStar]

welcome to the forum, I like seeing positive things about our children and adults with Downs. He also used ASL /adapted till his speech improved with speech therapy in the school. My son is very independent, about the only thing he does not do around the house is cook.  except in the micro. He is a great help to me, vaccumns, folds laundry, emptys the dishwasher, takes care of his own room completely, we are flying to AZ for Christmas he is such a good traveler. so patient.  We almost lost him 6 years ago, he had a necrotic bowel, after surgery he was on life support for 11 days, but he is one tough guy and now is completely back to normal.  He works from 9 to 3 daily and they tell me he is one of their best workers, show him once, and that is all that is needed.  He did not walk until after he started to school either, we start them here at 2 yrs of age,  You have to find an understanding doctor that will do a hysto, it is so much nicer for the girls not to have the monthly thing and it does protect them, those that end up in group homes, and away from the supervision of parents, some do get taken advantage of and do get pregnant.  The one thing we are trying to find the reason for now is that most all Downs adults get Alzheimers/Dementia in  their later years, around 55 -60.  In the past 30 years I have seen most of this happening to those that make it to that age.  Tell your niece about this forum , I am sure her parents would be able to add alot of help to those that are starting to come here.  I think the little ones are adorable.

[ImmortalOne]

Its great to hear about the things your son can do.  I recently picked up a book for my SIL about how Downs children enrich our lives.  I know they are putting my niece in school soon as well, I think in a few months actually, because she needs more schooling to catch up with children close to her age.  However, I'm unfortunately not totally familiar with everything.  I know she's had multiple surgeries and I don't know if I could be as strong as her mother has to be.

[pennst8r]

I am confused and TRULY mean no offense, but have to ask. Where do doctors still do hysterectomies on Downs women to keep them from pregancy??? This practice was deemed barbaric nearly 20 years ago. Is this really still practiced somewhere??? I know it was done routinely in institutions decades ago, but even they stopped in the 80's. In my state, we have been diligently working on closing all the institutions. There are only a few left and they are nearly empty now - thank God.

Penn

[SimplyStar]

We here in Iowa have also closed most of the institutions, we do have group homes, many of them.  You have to work one on one with these women to know that having a hysto frees them from many problems.  As I said you have to search for an understanding surgeon and I do not consider it barbaric at all.  The incidence of  ovarian, cervical, uterine cancers are also reduced .  Since it is the nature of a DS to be loving and trusting, they still do get pregnant.  A DS should never have children, and there will always be those that will take advantage of them.  The less surgeries a DS has in a life time the better their general health is, women do get cysts and so forth that have to be surgically removed.  The adult DS population now days are more into the social life and many events are planned and carried out for their enjoyment. They have the same sex drives as the "normal" population and with the increased independence, many do form relationships with each other.  But the underlaying reason is not only protection but to free them from a task that many find hard to care for.  In the facility where I worked for 30+ years and as my daughter does now,  we had many that had embarrasing moments, accidental flow, cramps, and the need of a personal attendent to help them care for their monthly time.  This is always a parents deceasion now not the state.  It does not make them less of a person, it simply helps them lead a better everyday life , free from one thing they do not need.  I truly love the people I worked with for so many years, and would never advocate for anything that I thought would harm them in any way.  My daughter has followed my footsteps now and is working at the same facility I did, we serve 450 people with all types of disabilities, both in house with contract work and out in the community on job sites and individual placements.  My daughter is now fighting Ovarian cancer and I would not wish this on any woman, least of all one of my dear friends.

[pennst8r]

Wow, I am certainly surprised. I understand your rationale, I think. However, I do ascribe to that belief. Major surgery to avoid situations that are part of "everyday lives" (not sure if you have that program in Iowa) and conditions that are rare and most likely will not occur is astounding to me. I'm glad I live in PA.

Thanks for clearing that up for me though.