How do I make a mentally retarded child obedient?

[daenglishteacher]

My question is in the title.  Please give me tips.

[clasc]

As a parent of a special child we prefer a more mature  term to use, "mentally challenged".
And it takes a special person who has to earn the trust of the child and one who understands and has all the patience in the world. If the teacher/mentor does not have this quality then they should not be around the child, find another profession, etc.

[SimplyStar]

In the first place  get rid of the "Mentally retarded child"  label.  These are children first. To hear you complain about rebellion and disobience makes me wonder why you choose to be a teacher.  They need your skills to teach them the things that will help them be able to lead as normal a life as possible. It takes more time for them to learn some things, and repetitive teaching, so that they retain it. Try not to compare apples and oranges here,  normal versus them.  It took 9 months for the teacher to teach my daughter how to use a typewriter proficiently, it took me 5 years to teach my son to recognize and be able to type the alphabet. And another 2 years for him to read his first book to me. Every letter learned was a big accomplishment.  One of the first things to check might be is the child hearing you, many DS children have major hearing loss and need hearing aides.

[Me2mommy2b]

These children do not act up or are "disobidient" as you put it, just because they feel like it.  There is a miscommunication going on and when not understood what they want, the tantrums begin.  The key is to learn how to communicate with this child.  Is this child getting any speech therapy?  If so, the speech pathologist working with this child should be able to give you more ideas on how to communicate with this child.  They are truly special children and working with them takes a lot of knowledge and patience.  Good luck.

[Clamity2]

I like the term a child (first) with special needs. I find that praise when you see the person doing a good thing helps. I sometimes forget to praise and tell him what a great job he did listening to me when I had to do something, like shop or garden etc. He wants to help put things in the basket etc. A child in a school setting can be rewarded with time with his favorite toy or whatever he loves to do. My sons present teacher really gets performance with rewards. Even does math with Gold Fish Crackers which is his favorite snack. If he gets a answer correct he gets to eat 2 or whatever. His aide even brushes his teeth when the activity is over ( which IS on the IEP)  You would all laugh to see me in action in an IEP now. I have read every reacently published book on the subject and they know because I bring one and highlight the things I want to talk about and the LAW concerning MY SONS needs not to be left behind.

[HunkAndDry]

No offense but you guys really need to get over yourselves. "Mentally retarded" is not a derogotory or offensive term, and the way you react when it is used just shows a sign of your immaturity and lack of enough self respect or respect for your child (whichever the case may be) to even raise a mentally challenged child. You are the kind of people who get offended when people notice that your child is different. I am sorry but I can't stand people like that! And uhh... IhaveAIDS123.... grow up and get a life.

[SimplyStar]

I do not get offended when people meet my son for the first time,  he greets them with a handshake and a smile.  This forum is here to help familys with questions on how to raise a son/daughter with Down's.  I want people to know that my son is more alike them than different. After working in the field of People with Disabilities for 30+ years, I am offended that you want to come in here and try to chastise me for being available to the parents with mature questions about their child.  I was able to get MedHelp to remove the abusive posts by IHaveAids123.  I asked for and got this forum started and I will not allow any one to come in and disrupt it.  I am able to relate to some of their questions because of my experience with my own son and also from my degrees.  I am normally on the Ovarian Cancer forum, because that is what my daughter is fighting, but I saw a need for this.  At 77 years of age  I do not have to "grow up" and I do have "a life".  So if you really are  interested in learning about Downs Syndrome, ask away and I will try to answer you, or maybe one of the other posters can, that is what this forum is for.

[HunkAndDry]

I'm sorry you misinterpreted, when I said "grow up and get a life" I was talking to IhaveAIDS. I addressed that person directly, so I apologize for the misunderstanding but you might want to read carefully before you reply. And by the way.. just because you are 77 and probably older than most of the people doesn't make you superior in any way or smarter than everyone else on the issue, just because you have probably had a lot of experience. Please don't play god, that just makes me uncomfortable.

[pennst8r]

I am sure that you all have the best interests of the children at heart. Not everyone is familiar with the terminology that many find offensive. A reminder, rather than a "dressing down" would be more appropriate and helpful. I do, however, think that a support forum where everyone insults and berates each other will soon be defunct; definitely never be effective. Please try to be patient with each other.

I was drawn to this forum as I have worked with chidren and adults with special needs for over 20 years. It had truly been my calling and I would, and have done the work for free. I had hoped to perhaps be of assistance to someone. I frequent another forum for a physical condition. The folks there are always positive, supportive and truly strive to help each other. If someone says somethnig inappropriate, they are gently prodded toward the appropriate. This is a new forum. Please try to truly help each other rather than bicker.

Penn

[SimplyStar]

Welcome to this forum,  I was not berating this individual at all, in the last few weeks several posts have been made by people that only want to draw attention to themselves, I have had medhelp remove most of these posts, as they might not be good reading for the families that are searching for answers to some questions.  I am always positive and supportive  to the posters. I am the Mother of a 37 year old son with Downs  and have worked for the Federal, State and County in the field of People with Disabilities.  I am retired now.  I asked for this forum and MedHelp has been gratious enough to start it. I check it often and try to answer the questions. I am also a retired OB/GYN nurse and after son was born went back to college to get my degrees in the fields that will help him the most.  I worked out of a facility locally that supports 450 individuals in community work and in house contract work.  I am not "blowing my horn" or "playing God"  but do want you to know that I do feel qualified to answer these posts in a manner that I hope will be most helpful.  Again I do welcome your helpful input here and congratulate your desire to serve this population.

[pennst8r]

It was not you I was referring to. I read some of your other posts, and you seem to be able to disagree without the name-calling and "baiting" that seem to dominate this post. I was so disappointed to read several of the posts above. This type interaction does not support anyone, least of all the children and adults who live with Down Syndrome. I hope I have not offended you, as you were not one of the folks to whom I was referring.

Penn

[she1162]

I would hope that you have been able to resolve your problems by now, but being a parent of a 16 year old boy with Down's is hard. Sometimes it's hard getting firm with children weather they're disabled or not. With my son every year when school starts we tell the teachers "You have to get in his face and let him know who's boss!"  My son is  high functioning and has attitude, just like a normal teen. Taking away things that mean most to them is the most productive form of dicipline we've been able to use.
I hope this helps.

[brunty]

Rebellion and disobedience are not necessarily reactions to bad teaching Simply star and me 2mommy2be. Children with special needs can act up too, they are not immune. I am a teacher and yes, it can sometimes be the case that the teacher doesn't get it right all of the time but these kids can be naughty too, they are not Angels, so please don't say that. I agree that these kids need lots of patience and understanding - so do all kids.

[SimplyStar]

Parents of children with any type of disability have to work with the childs teachers, that is what the law requires, an education plan , set up in conjuction with teacher, and parents and child if capable.  I do not believe in using the schools as "babysitters" for a child,  If a teacher of special ed comes to a parent and asks , how do I make your child OBEY me?  That throws up a red flag to me,  my son was in school for 19  years, age 2 to 21, yes there were times when he "misbehaved", but what child doesn't?  a good teacher knows how to redirect and get the child back on task.  Having to admit that  she/he does not know how to control a room means to me that something is lacking in the planned activities and the ability to carry them out.  I ended up with a fantastic son, independent, loving and happy. Learning acceptable behavior is part of the growth pattern, and this happens slower with some. It cannot happen with just the school hours, must come with the home also.

[nogie1717]

While I agree with most of your post, I must disagree with your statement that something is lacking if the teacher cannot get the child back on task.  
A lot of a child's behavior goes back to his family.  I have had children with DS that were better behaved than many of the "normal" students.  I have also had a student with DS who was incorrigible.  He was like this b/c his parents felt sorry for his condition and allowed him to do whatever he wanted, with little or no consequences.  
On top of this, they wanted him "mainstreamed" meaning being in class with his peers, etc.  He was a major disruption, and anytime I corrected his behavior or sent him to the office, it was MY FAULT because I was a bad teacher.  You can have the perfect lesson plan and ability, but if a person doesn't want to cooperate, they truly don't have to.  All the detention and threats in the world won't work and corporal punishment will get you out of a job  and into a lawsuit.

My point is this:  Don't assume that the teacher is at fault here.  I think a lot of you want to because she used the un-politically correct term R**A*D*D.  The teacher, the child and the classroom need your advice and assista