moving out

[wirehair]

10 months ago we blended a family to make five children aged between 15 & 11yrs. His youngest child is nearly 13yrs and still wets her pants and bed.She gets angry when things don't go her way. She plays ok with other children, can be very sweet, and is intelligent.She is teased and disliked quite often though.I was aware she had behavioral/emotional issues so I made a tick chart including jobs, responsibilities, and no screaming and yelling for hours. She was paid for this and stopped her ongoing tantrums (when I was around). Soon I discovered she too often lied about doing her jobs,so I dismissed them. I then concentrated solely on her treating her clothes with respect and wearing her uniform, but this has proved unachievableThe moneys now stopped and the yelling and crying is full bore. She always wants more and is never happy with what she has. About 95% of what this child says is a lie.She is consistently sneaky and then lies to get out of trouble, even if it hurts others She even fabricated a story about my partners ex and child abuse to give the reason she lied.She is doing counseling for social issues brought up at the school, but I believe it should have been started years agoMy partner and I are in couselling because of this also.She has been impulsive, violent and vandalized things at times when she is angry...but this is not over the top.She prefers to look like a homeless child, she is very messy, and loses things (on purpose and by mistake... I never know). I tried to help her, however now that I know how much she lies and how sneaky and selfish she is, I don't like her anymore. I do wish she wasn't around at all.This will only harm her more I'd love to have the four children stay with me and let my partner give the younger the one on one attention I think she requires. What is wrong with this child? She blames everybody else for all of her problems. I had a partner like this and have learned that running far away is the best and safest thing to do.

[rebbecca]

you have only been living together for 10 month give it a little long. she may be mad because your there and she has every right to be, not saying that it is your fault cause it is not. does her mom have anything to do with her? if so is her mom a good role model to her?
do you think it would help her to have a mentor? maybe is would help cause you put that she is teased and disliked.
by the way i have 3 kids, one with adhd, odd, and mood disorders. i also have 2 stepdaughters but my husband only see's one. i do understand what you are going though.
putting 2 familys together is very hard and alot of work, i am still going though alot with my own

[wirehair]

Thanks for your imput Rebbeca. She is very angry at me being there because her Father unintentionaly/intentionally forgets or doesn't notice her bad behaviour and has let her get away with all too often. She would prefer to live in a urinated room with magets crawling through the mess and not go to school and get away with it. Her mother, I believe is a borderline personality that hates and hurts her entire family and is a complete mess. The girl hates her mother, and I hate her for stealing money from the family time and time again and running away. The mother is unable to look after herself. I'd love to hear more about a mentor. Do you mean at school or at home? I do worry that the child has inherited some traits of her mother and am most upset that this has been ignored for too long.

[here4theinfo]

Hi, this all needs to be addressed with a therapist. Maybe she is stuck in "negative attention" land. It sounds like everything she does is negative and she wants the attention for it. Im not sure what to do, my step daughter was the same and it was very difficult to deal with. She went to her moms and whilt in therapy over there, said false accusations. She is allmost exactly like your step daughter. I would disscuss everything with a prefessional and she if they can suggest things to help you deal with the problems, and then you and your partner have to be very consistant and hopefully you guys can work her out of the negative and bring her back into the positive. Good luck with all, Im so sorry that you have to go through this.
Ps: my step daughters problems were mostly all related to how the mother raised her, mother left her in crib in room all day, did not feed often as child, never disiplined,never talked to child, and is very manipulative and has many other problems.

[wirehair]

hey thanks for that. We have been dealing with a therapist which is somewhat helpful. Did you find you sometimes felt resentful towards your partner and felt that you were always second best to someone with no values?

[rebbecca]

i am not here4theinfo, but yes i have felt that way. i hope that ur life has gotten better, i wish u the best.