need help for gran

[leahbug]

Our 80yr old grandmother is dealing with difficult family members and friends taking advantage of her.... She has allowed people to steal her credit, buy a house and live in it rent free while she pays all utilities and groceries,  and the condo she lives in co-op is even living off of her wealth!!!  She understands that this is all draining her of her money but will not except help from us when we say call the cops, kick them out and stop paying for them...My husband and I feel she is dealing w/Dementia.  She realizes whats going on one day and wants our help but then when we are ready to take action gets mad and defends these people she considers, friends/family.  Not only are we afraid she is going to lose everything, but what happens when she really needs this money to live or for medical bills????  I know we won't be getting her into a doctor/senior living for help, she is too stuborn! HELP!!!!!!

[caregiver222]

You have a difficult situation. If you contact Adult Protective Services she will recieve a visit from an investigator who will prepare a report. That report may result in what is called a "guardian ad litum" appointed by the court.  This may or may not be a family member. Often these "guardians" are hacks appointed by the local political parties. As for allowing people to use her credit, I suggest you visit a local police station and ask to speak with a detective. Do not permit yourself to be interviewed by a civilian aid. You want a detective. If this request is refused, write a registered letter to the commander of the precinct politely requesting to see a detective. If this is ignored send a letter to the police commissioner. Don't "call the cops". Submit a WRITTEN LETTER, registered, return receipt requested, to the precinct commander requesting a meeting with a detective.

[jo929]

what everyou do do not call any one coneccted to state or have anything to do with th adult protection i have met some of them and heard one say  it does not matter what Gran wants we will decide for our selves and then they piut her in nursing home take her home all assets and she hjas nothing stay away from them it is easy to cheack for dementia real simple you can do it your se;lf but it is better for the dr to order it her own dr and if she is ok just try to be there for her and maybe one of the family member that she listens to can talk calmly with her maybe she thinks you are trying to  I know this is hard on you but hang in there I am 78 i was given the test for dementia it was easy

[caregiver222]

You have a well taken point, madamewise. I too have had terrible results from adult proterctive services. But the districts in the United States are uneven. Some are better than others. And in some cases they are necessary, unfortunatelly.Get a map of your state and call the Adult Protective Services in another geographical area. Rural areas tend to have the most caring people. Tell them you live in the area, but don't want to give your name. It's a little fib, but necessary, because they must log their time, and this time must be spent on cases in their jurisdiction. Bounce the situation off them. Ask this counseler for "off-the-record" advice.

[jo929]

I honestly think you believe what you are saying, but i have been behind the scenes so to speak I also have went places that take care elderly. during daytime outside every thing looks real good they put on a good front go to a nursing home some night or evening late dont -let them know you are there i have you would not believe what goes on When i was younger i worked in one for a weekend i wanted to know and believe me they are not treated like you think also i have it on good authority that most states are about the same maybe i am wrong but i spent 45 years in the medical field general hosp and mental there -are good and bad every where all i want is for you to be real careful of the decision you make I know that some counslers are for whomever pays their salary and will say anything beleive me i have been there but i never mistreated anyone and i loved what i did i care for people  lots luck

[amnobody]

If you don't do something quickly, her money/wealth will be gone!  Has anyone been named as her executor or health person?  If NOT, you can file w/your state AG!  She is being taken advantage of.  My own mother had dementia and her oldest sapped ALL before she died leaving no other sibling with a penny.

Even with outstanding checks, they were dismissed w/nothing done TO the brother as the person "owning" the checking account was deceased.

Do SOMETHING now, before it's too late

[leahbug]

see if we go against her will to file to be her executor that will just anger her... I also don't want to put her through any kind of legal drama, she couldn't handle that.   She is already to upset w/all thats going on but then to go behind her back and file to be an executor, she would be unmanagable... and I don't want to be that way with her especially if she comes to live with us.  She is a very strong willed woman.  she believes she is in control one moment then she breaks down the next.

[jo929]

i have been thinking about your Gran is she beter? maybe she thinks her family is not paying her enough attentioin maybe these people are giving her somthin she needs every one needs to know that they are loved needed or wanted if they feel none of these then they feel life is not much maybe sjhe thinks her family does not need her and these people do get her something else to occupy her mind                      caring    jo

[jo929]

sorry the above coments were for you and not leahbug              
                                                                                   Jo

[jo929]

Sorry again i am not thinking straight today my coment about gran to caregiver was meant for you sorry my mind was on track 1 maybe i will get in gear soon caregive gives good advice but make sure she has a check up to see if she has dementia before you move on to another point. let us know
Lots of luck                             Jo

[leahbug]

No thats not it at all, she lives a good hour & 45 minutes away but we talk to her almost daily on the phone.  when we visit she spends days at a time.  We take vacations together that last 2weeks at the least.  She lives in a building w/people her age that have been there for a good 40yrs.   and she has tons of friends.  she has gotten rid of one of the friends leaching from her, and is trying to sell both of her homes so hopefully when they are sold... she will be here w/us until we get her in an assisted living close to our house.   But w/the market being so poor I don't know if she will be able to sell either of them.