I Need Some Mommy Time!

[Chrissie75]

I have a very bright and energetic 5-year old son.  He and I have been living with my parents since his father and I divorced several years ago.  I work full-time, and he started school this year, so the evenings and weekends are the only time that we get to spend time together.  I try not to plan very many activities that don't involve him, but every once in a while, I really need some "Mommy Time"!  Usually 1 night on the weekend (or every other weekend) I try and plan something to do for myself, either a date or going out with my friends.  I try and talk to him and let him know in advance what my plans are, so as not to spring my absence on him unexpectantly.  Lately, he has been responding terribly to the idea of me going to do anything without him, so I haven't really done much in the past 2-3 weeks.  I feel like I give into him too easily, but on the other hand I feel guilty for wanting to go do things that don't directly involve him.  

Last night was especially bad when I told him that I was planning to do something with my girlfriends tonight (Friday).  He acted out, whined, told me "I won't let you go", he refused to do his school work and pouted, etc.  I don't want to give into him on this situation, and I know that I shouldn't feel guilty about wanting some time to spend with my adult friends.  At the same time, my parents are the ones that watch him on the occasions that I do go out, and I don't want to leave them with a whiny 5 year old.  Do you have any ideas on how to handle this situation?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

One of the important attributes of being a good parent is placing the child's needs ahead of ones own needs most of the time. However, there are times when a parent does focus on meeting a need of his/her own, and that is perfectly OK. It's really a matter of balance. Of course there are going to be times when you want to do something that does not involve your child. Just be sure that you mainatin a balance in favor of attending to his needs rather than your needs (of course, parenting itself meets many needs of parents).

[Agiesmom]

I'm not the doctor, but I wanted to comment nonetheless.  I think your son is telling you very loudly and clearly that he needs you.  And it's not about "giving into him".  If you're working full time, the time he has with you is very limited--seriously, how much time do you have together that doesn't involve preparing and eating dinner, doing homework, and getting ready for bed?  And I'm sure you also have chores and shopping to do, too.  So I can understand that he wants to be with you and probably feels like he's being left behind--like you'd rather be with others.

You aren't home all day with kids--many women who are do crave "Mommy Time".  You do get a lot of adult interaction at work and lots of time away from him (I'm guessing 10 hours, if you include commute time?).  Don't or can't you meet friends for lunch?  Can't you have coffee with a friend on a Saturday morning before he gets up or before you grocery shop?  Why not wait until he's in bed and then go have a late dinner with friends and then go home at a reasonable hour instead of going out partying?  Why not take him to a gymnastics class on a Saturday afternoon while you go have a pedicure?  If you join a gym, you'd have time to yourself while he's in the daycare at the gym--and then maybe you can swim together afterwards.  Those are all better ways, in my opinion, of getting time with friends or to yourself without upsetting your child.  This isn't at all about not letting your child manipulate you or making you feel guilty--this is about prioritizing and figuring out a way to make it work for all of you.

[jd1419]

Some of Agiesmom comment is right--but I do agree that you need an evening out for yourself--I work full time and so does my husband...But one night a week is my night out and one night a week is his night out.  At this point in time I am taking a class at church, my DH shoots darts--I think you are a better parent if you do something for yourself--my class is two hours long but time enough away were I feel as if I am doing something for my self.  Other than that, it is very rarely that I leave the kids during the week or weekend..now I understand that you are a single mom so it is a little differnet for you if you didn't leave him to establish a new relationship---but I would try and make sure that whoever you are dating will spend time and maybe even make date nights about your little guy...for if they will not accept your child--it is the wrong relationship.

[kimberly82]

hi i'm not a doctor but i'm a mommy of a 2 and 4 yr old and there are days i feel i need some me time also so i try to plan my me time at least once a week on sundays so i can go to church so i let my children pick out one of their favorite movies to watch with grandma and get some snacks for them so they can have some fun their selves maybe you can try and see if that helps or let him invite a friend to stay over so his attention is on them instead of you so you can have some time to yourself