Boyfriend and his ex wife

[ellijaynancy]

I have been dating a guy for about 6 months now.  We really enjoy each others company. He has been divorced for about 4 years now and has a 15 yr old son.  I have never met the son nor does the son know anything about me because my guy is afraid the ex will raise so much hell as to make his life even more miserable.  She constantly calls him - a day doesn't go by that she does not call - they fight all the time.  It stresses him out but he doesn't seem to be able to draw a line in the sand.  It is making me feel like I am dating a married man when I have never met his son and he continues to hide our relationship.  He has been very good to me other than this issue so I am not sure if I am making too much of this.  I have met his mother and brothers and sisters and friends - just not the son because of the ex.  We had a blow up the other night and I was really upset over and finally just told him how it makes me feel and we haven't really talked about it since.  Should I just get the heck out of this or stay and try to make things work for us.  We don't live together and have not said I love you or anything like that but he does tons of things to make me know he truly cares about me.  I wonder sometimes if he likes the attention but he seems to honestly get angry at her calls.

[metalstar83]

It's hard when your dating a man that has been divorced and has kids by that marriage.  My now husband, did not tell his ex or daughter about me for awhile (about a yr.)  I didn't get too upset at this, they have been divorced for about 14yrs., but his ex wife is such a drama queen and she won't let him see his daughter at all (especially now that she knows that I am his wife).  I think he wanted to see how the relationship progressed.  I don't think you b/f enjoys angry calls from his ex, but he has to start putting his put down about this.   They got divorced for a reason. Try to talk to him about this, I sure he does not want to strain your relationship with him, but my husband hates getting calls from his ex, and tries not to add fuel to the fire.  It's good that your b/f introduced you to his family.  Talk to him in a non-confrontational tone about how you feel...I think he is trying to avoid any excess drama from his ex.  Good luck!

[Cerise]

Sounds like he needs to outline to his ex wife some boundaries. I wouldn't be too upset if he hasn't introduced his son to you yet; a lot of my divorced friends with kids need to be really certain about a new partner before they make that leap.

[teko]

Until he can quit being a pansy for the past, you have no future with this man. You will only be entwined into their mess. Watch and listen how he is handling the ex and the problems with her. I has been 4 years and he still cannot cope? Why is he accepting daily phone calls from her when the child is old enough to use a phone. He has never ended it with her. He still cares. Move on.

[MrsOckert]

Since you haven't said I love you to each other and you're not living together shouldn't he have the right to tell or not to tell anyone he wants if he's seeing someone or not?  I don't think you should have the right to force him to tell.  You let him know how you feel so either move on or drop it.

It's his ball now.

[Jaybay]

I agree with MrsOckert.  A very good reason not to involve the son is that you two do not even have a "ring and a date."  It's never good to introduce kids to a possible new step-parent unless that relationship is going to lead to some kind of permanence.  

Bear in mind that if you should marry this man, you already know what you're getting into.  The ex isn't going to stop doing what she's doing.  Certainly she's going to keep using his son as a weapon as long as he is a minor child.  You need to ask yourself if you can live with that.  If your potential mate doesn't deal with the ex in a manner you can accept, will you keep nagging on him about it to do it your way?  Is this man truly a pansy, or is there really nothing more he can do?  He certainly can't stop her from placing a call, but he can choose not to fight with her and just hang up.  It takes two to have a fight.  He doesn't have to take the bait.  Maybe he's just gotten so used to it that his own behavior is more like a bad habit.  This situation really isn't all about you.  It's about his relationship with the ex.  Try approaching it from that perspective and see if you can have a more construction talk about it.

[whatayear]

his kid is 15....if you can hang in there for 3 more years he will be 18 and there will be no reason for him to deal with the ex atleast the kid isnt under 10 then it might have been not worth it! thats too much ex drama to have to deal with years but the fact that the kid is almost 16 what do they have to talk about really ask him why is has to deal with her tell him to buy the son a cell so he doesnt have to talk to her there really is no reason for him to talk to her everyday thats just ridiculous!!!!! at six months you guys should have an idea how you feel about each other Do you love him? Does he love you? you probably need to see where he feels your reletionship stands at this point that way you can see if the BS is worth it to stick out....

[chigirl29]

That is sad, but you should find a man who is not so attached.  What kind of marriage would you have if you can't even date him normally?