Severe depression

[eir]

I'm 14 years old and i've been in severe depression for quite some time now, It's a drag to go to school everyday, i can barely concentrate, i find difficulty in keeping focused on simple things such as reading. Every time i fail a test or get a low score on work it plunges me down, and i start to not care about school anymore. At school i have difficulty making friends, and the friends i do have always put me down. I have 2 friends who are bisexual and since i hang out with them, everyone else assumes that i'm bisexual myself, and i can't help but feel very hurt when people from my school call all three of us fags, or when someone points at me and says "eweee lesbian!", everyone seems to treat me differently, some dont even wan't to talk to me. A couple days ago I got so depressed that i started crying in front of everyone and nearly having a panic attack because i forgot my locker number, everyone just sat there watching me while i noticed my friend was standing there smiling me at, as if i was just playing around, which i wasn't. I find myself helpless once i get home from school. At home i only live with my mom because my dad is deceased. My mom and i have a broken relationship, we hardly talk and when we do it usually only starts up an argument. My mom loves to put me down as well, she always says stuff to me like "you need to lose weight" or "i don't like the way you dress" and it makes me feel really ugly. Pretty much when i get home from school i go straight to my room for the rest of the day and stay there until i go to sleep, it gets very lonely up there with no one to talk to...my mom sees me depressed like this and sometimes threatens to kick me out of the house to go live with someone else.
All of this eventually adds up to me sitting there and thinking for hours of how i should kill myself, i mean i feel so worthless and theres really no point for me to live anymore, i don't think anyone would care if i died anyways. I don't have a good relationship with my mom or my friends so why would it matter anyways? i can't help but feel down every single day, no one really does anything to help either. At school i would talk to my counselor about some of what is happening to me but she wouldn't do much about it, all she would tell me is to get more involved. I don't like getting involved with anything anymore, i don't even like to be around people. One of my other friends came to my counselor and told her about some of my problems and my counselor said that i was just trying to get attention! does she think  what i'm saying is a joke? and also concerning my mom helping me, she just tells me to get over myself and be strong and says she'll find help for me but never does.
I've lost all hope in everybody and everything. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm helpless. I just don't care anymore. I don't know what to do. I hope i won't be living too much longer.

[Venora Moonwind]

Go see your counselor ar school and talk to them  you need to talk and get this out of your system and the counselor can let you mom know how serieous this is for you so you can get the help you need. good luck and post here if you need to talk.Just message me and I will be there
Love Venora

[slow_healer]

Don't underestimate how much your life will change once you leave high school. High school can be the WORST place to find what you need - REAL friends who support and care about you. When you're depressed it really helps to surround yourself with positive people who will say and do good, uplifting things with you. Instead, when you go to high school, you find all these insecure twits who think they know everything about you based on nothing. eir, they don't know you, so don't let them get into your head like that.

I agree with Venora - find a counsellor (and a much BETTER one) so that you have SOMEBODY to have a pleasant conversation with now and then (at the very least). Those school counsellors can be very uncaring - that doesn't mean you're not worth caring about. I don't know where you live, but there are teen crisis lines in many places. If you call, you can ask where to get some help. They're generally very good about hooking you up with great resources. Don't settle for second-rate attention.

There is hope out there.

[eir]

thank you so much for the advice. things are still so up and down right now. i signed up to see my school's therapist a while ago, but she hasn't even taken notice to call me in and talk to me...
i hope someday i'll actually find a good counselor that can help me.

[kprejean0817]

If I was you i would go back to the school therapist and tell her that you are still waitng for a call from her. I hope things get better for you. Just keep ur head up!!!

[stlmom]

Find someone els that will listen! Talk to a teacher, the principal, parent, aunt,...someone!  If at all possible , see a professional therapist. You deserve happiness. High School is such a small part of your life and can be difficult. Find activities outside of school to get involved or a church group.....not so corney...LOL   I wish you peace!