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Abuse Support Community
This patient support community is for discussions relating to emotional, physical, sexual, social, spiritual, spousal, and verbal abuse.
being abused while pregnant
by megan00, Dec 01, 2007 01:18PM
hi my name is megan im 22 year old and iam 23 weeks pregnant i've wanted a baby all my life and now that im pregnant im suppose 2 be beyond happy and enjoying these new experience that my body is goin thru but i cant cause im getting abused badly by my boyfriend i been 2 the e.r about 3 times last month because its getting worse. i tried leavin before but it made matters worse for me and my unborn child. i want 2 protect my baby but i think inducing my labor rite now is the only way because she isnt safe inside of me. when is the baby able 2 survive outside of the womb?
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National Domestic Violence/Child Abuse/ Sexual Abuse: 800-799-SAFE /800-799-7233/800-787-3224 TDD
800-942-6908 Spanish Speaking
24-hour-a-day hotline, Provides crisis intervention and referrals to local services and shelters for victims of partner or spousal abuse. English and Spanish speaking advocates are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Staffed by trained volunteers who are ready to connect people with emergency help in their own communities, including emergency services and shelters. The staff can also provide information and referrals for a variety of non-emergency services, including counseling for adults and children, and assistance in reporting abuse. They have an extensive database of domestic violence treatment providers in all US states and territories. Many staff members speak languages besides English, and they have 24-hour access to translators for approximately 150 languages. For the hearing impaired, there is a TDD number. This is a great resource for anyone--man, woman or child--who is experiencing or has experienced domestic violence or abuse, or who suspects that someone they know is being abused.
Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-829-1122
Even if you believe you want to stay with him for safety, abuse shelters and hotlines can help you figure out what to do while with him. Although leaving is the most dangerous part. However, they can help you make it work safely!!
Inducing labor is endangering your child big time. Staying with him is endangering your child not just now but when she/he is born. Violence doesn't get better. Are you willing to do this for the rest of your life? You have to leave sometime and it only gets more dangerous! Also, he will start isolating you from your friends and family so that it's gets even harder. There are also local hotlines in your phone book, and even the ER can help you next time. Ask them what to do. There are all sorts of resources out there set up to help women in your situation. Please take care of youself and your child and be a good mom from the beginning...and reach out to them.
Don't kid yourself, there's ALWAYS a next time in the ER. Only one of these times it will be your child being treated for his damage. So, please, let the hotlines help you find a way out now while you are still strong. So that you can enjoy your child the way you deserve to!! Congratulations on your baby to be!
Good luck :)
In some cases, bruises and injuries may occur frequently and be in obvious places. When this happens, the intent of the batterer is to keep the victim isolated and trapped at home. When black eyes and other bruising is a result of an assault, the person being battered may be forced to call in sick to work, or face the embarrassment and excuses of how the injuries occurred. In other cases, bruises and other outward injuries never occur. When there are frequent injuries seen by others, the one being battered may talk about being clumsy, or have elaborate stories of how the injuries occurred. The truth about the source of injuries will not usually be told unless the one told could be trusted and/or the one being battered wants help to end the relationship.
Absences from Work or School:
When severe beatings or other trauma related to violence occurs, the one being battered may take time off from his/her normal schedule. If you see this happening, or the person is frequently late, this could be a sign of something (such as relationship violence) occurring.
Low Self-Esteem: Some
battered women have low self-esteem, while others have a great deal of confidence and esteem in other areas of their life (at work, as a mother, with hobbies, etc.) but not within their relationship. In terms of dealing with the relationship, a sense of powerlessness and low self-esteem may exist. A battered woman may believe that she could not make it on her own without her partner and that she is lucky to have him in her life.
Accusations of Having Affairs: This is a common tactic used by batterers as an attempt to isolate their partners and as an excuse for a beating. It could include accusations of looking at other men, wanting to be with other men, or having affairs with the man bagging groceries at the local supermarket. Friends of the couple may observe this at times, but what is seen in public is usually only a small fraction of what the battered woman experiences at home.
Personality Changes: People may notice that a very outgoing person, for instance, becomes quiet and shy around his/her partner. This happens because the one being battered "walks on egg shells" when in the presence of the one who is abusive to her. Accusations (of flirting, talking too loudly, or telling the wrong story to someone) have taught the abused person that it is easier to act a certain way around the batterer than to experience additional accusations in the future.
Fear of Conflict: As a result of being battered, some may generalize the experience of powerlessness with other relationships. Conflicts with co-workers, friends, relatives, and neighbors can create a lot of anxiety. For many, it is easier to give in to whatever someone else wants than to challenge it. Asserting one’s needs and desires begins to feel like a battle, and not worth the risks of losing.
Not Knowing What One Wants or How One Feels: For adults or children who have experienced violence from a loved one, the ability to identify feelings and wants, and to express them, may not exist. This could result in passive-aggressive behavior. Rather than telling others what you want, you say one thing but then express your anger or frustration in an aggressive manner (such as scratching his favorite car, burning dinner, or not completing a report on time for your boss).
Blaming Others for Everything: The abuse, which usually includes the batterer blaming others for everything that goes wrong, is usually targeted at a partner or ex-partner. For example, a simple drive somewhere could turn into a violent situation if the batterer blames the partner and/or children for getting them lost. Co-workers and relatives may observe this type of behavior, and it may be directed at others as well.
Self-blame: You may notice someone taking all of the blame for things that go wrong. A co-worker may share a story about something that happened at home and then take all of the blame for whatever occurred. If you notice this happening a lot, it may be a sign that one is taking all of the blame is being battered.
Aggressive or Care-taking Behavior in Children: Children who live in violent homes may take that experience with them to school and to the playground. Often the class bully is a child who sees violence in his home (directed at mom, or at some or all of the children in the home). Children who seem very grown-up and are sensitive and attentive to others’ needs may see violence at home as well.