Fiance with ADD

[Crystlas]

I am doing as much reading and educating my self a lot about ADD.  This might be a loaded question to all of you, but I am trying to understand him as much as possible so that we can continue into a happier relationship.  He was on Adderall for a long time during childhood and quit taking it a year ago.  He is 22.  First of all.  How come when he works on technical stuff, like his computer or music production is he much more able to concentrate than when he sets aside time with me?  He forgets time.  He can be on the computer and forget the time when we are supposed to do something.  How do I become more patient and understanding?  I get pissy a lot!  I do not want to!  Also, a curious question.  Is it normal for ADD men to not initiate sex?  He does when he is feeling really horny, otherwise I have to.  I talked to my counselor and she told me that ADD men have a hard time maintaining erections and I addressed this with my fiance and he told me it is true and he has been too embarassed to tell me so.  I feel so bad for him and love him so much.  I want to enjoy a healthy sex life with him, but do not want him to feel overpressured.  We are intimate 1-2 times a week.  Is that healthy and normal for ADD men?  Thank you.  

[Crystlas]

How come all sorts of questions are answered and some are not?  I really need help.  Thanks

[lhughes]

Darlin' he sounds like a man to me.  Men that I know (and I work with a bunch of computer nerds) can concentrate and be so detailed when it comes to the computer or their task and completely forget about time, romance, and all the other stuff in life.  For that, you just have to be understanding that this is their way (ok not all men are this way, but I can name at least 6) and help them.  10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes reminders in that sweet way to help them plan a bit.  Also sending suggestions (and sometimes actually setting up dates) helps.  You just gotta do what you gotta do to keep you happy, him happy, life happy.  Sometimes he will surprise you and do stuff himself (sometimes when you least expect it, too!).

If you want sex, then initiate it.  If he's interested, great....  that seems to be life to me.  You can't wait on him all the time to initiate things.  Sometimes it's all you!

Ok, lastly....this is your fiance.  Think on this...you see his actions/reactions and how things are now.  Things are not going to change much at all when you marry.  Please don't think they will.  Are you willing to put up with his behavior for the rest of your life?  And that applies to him with you, too.  Marriage shouldn't be taken lightly.  You need to look at what you got, if he's a good man (and there are few out there), and you can accept him, warts and all as they say, then keep him.  And you need to remind yourself when you are married that you married him warts and all as he did you.

Sometimes a good man (one who will be there for you always) is better than a fabulously looking man.  My man is a good man, not too bad looking, and he's been through some seriously tough times with me (infertility and breast cancer).  We now have 2 beautiful girls, I'm healthy again, and he still wants me like when we were dating, frankenboobie and all.  Not too bad for a husband.

Best of luck to you in your future!
Lisa