Wished I Never Had Sex

[UNfortunately]

Sad to say that i am in the age group (over 18 under 21) where it is very common for us to have HPV. Although Im very intelligent obvisously my decisions weren't. I just had my first paps test a few months ago...one stupid mistake. I've had unprotected sex...stupid mistake number two well it couldnt be that stupid since it was with a total of three people over a 4yr term at least thats what i thought. Ok thats done and over with. So here is the story my very first paps test came back abnormal. My doc referred me to a GYN to repeat the paps. The GYN told me that I have LSIL and mild dysplasia and scheduled me for a biopsy. I got the biopsy done and she tells me that I have high risk HPV and will schedule a LEEP. By this point there was little room for crying and getting upset since I was being hard-headed and not using protection all the time rather 92% of the time or just being abstinent. So the procedure takes place on the 18th of this month. Can you advise me what I have in store after this process? Well really my main concern is the pain? I cant even step into a doctors office or hospital without thinking what goes on behind closed doors. And do I really have it that BAD? You know the LSIL, mild dysplasia, high risk HPV, and the LEEP surgery.

[ibizan]

I am 52 years old.In 11-06 was told i had level one squamous cells that needed to be removed.HPV test negative at the time.I had them removed.Follow-up pap 6-07 showed HPV!I was celibate 10 years.Now x had std testing and had told me he hadn't been sexually active for 3 years.He lied and stupid me didn't use a condom either.I had LEEP 8-07.ur psychological state of mind depends on how u handle this!i have a high threshold to pain,i breathed deep and it was over in 20 minutes.I really felt little-no discomfort until a week later when this blackish stuff began to appear on pads i wore for a month.Mild cramping after for me.not in beginning...we r all different but if it must be done get it done dear!i KNOW how u feel with the anger at self....i'm still having a bit of that but its lessening.We are only human and have a lot of company here.I'm glad i didn't end up with worse!I have learned so much in the std forum and about HPV.I haven't had sex for over a year now.It will be hard for me to trust and believe someone again and they will have to pass my line of questioning and get full panel of std testing which i don't think many men will be able to withstand.Please relax ur mind,theres a lot of good info on net about LEEP procedure and again how ur state of mind is when u approach it is KEY!I go back 12-17 for another pap..i've read that in 30% of cases a second LEEP may have to be done..it can return....Lord i hope not.Well i'm 52 and feel like this damn sex is/was not worth all of this!:))))))))i don't care how common this is....it sucks!I will pray for u...ur LEEP one day after my pap!:))))))

[ibizan]

the day of LEEP they will tell u 2 have no caffeine.they administer an injection in 4 areas on the cervix of lidocaine/ephinephrine to numb.when ur heart starts to race u'll know it will take effect!I really didn't feel much of anything..i was anxious oh yes but wanted that **** offa my cervix!it will b ok dear..it will....i know how u feel and u must get this taken care of.Big cyberhug 2 u!:))))))

[UNfortunately]

I appreciate your prays and I have did a lot of research before i joined this website but I just needed actually comments from somebody. Even though some of your comments scared the mess out of me "...injection in 4 areas of the cervix..." but im good now. Im just ready to get this out the way because I have to start my new job about 3 weeks later due to the surgery. At least they were kind enough to hold a position for me. The main thing Im really wishing would go away is the HPV. I read in several places that a lot of people immune system fights the virus off. I hope everday that some miracle would happen so mine would just leave my body forever. Im still young and I dont want this to be apart of my life for lord only knows how long. Now I got myself tearing up lol. Another that sucks really bad is that I would have to wear a pad for awhile. My birth control pills just now started lightening my cycle so I wouldnt have to wear pads anymore. Oh well I guess this is a way of punishment. But I do thank you again!!!

[ibizan]

Oh girl ur beating self up like i was...am still doing a little.I didn't even FEEL those 4 small injections.....didn't feel it at all!yes that pad stuff sucks..but it can get messy in the underwear....after the first week of sloughing out of body what was burned it lightened up.....but if it needs to b gotten out of u it must be done......i drove myself home!The biggest thing for u at ur age will be in the future for relationships....knowing ur partners histories and what they may be bringing to u..u have full control over that!and so do I but I am 52 and know i will not be active for a long time....maybe never again.This has done a number on me!But u r young and have quite the full life ahead of u......so proceed and try 2 b more gentle on urself!:)))

[RGirl33]

I know exactly how you feel. I have only slept with 3 guys, and the one guy that happened ONE night for FIVE minutes gave me genital warts. My world fell apart when I found out. I am around your age, in grad school, and have always made smart decisions. It was such a blow to recieve the news that I had HPV.
I have been bleeding during hand/genital contact recently, so I am scared to go to my annual in January. I am so worried that I will have to have something like the LEEP done as well. My doctor said that the strain that causes genital warts doesn't cause cancer, but who knows what other strains I could have as well.
Anyways, I hope the procedure goes smoothly and that you don't feel much pain.

[ibizan]

It only takes one time!I had associated HPV with promiscuity alone..how wrong i was!Celibate 10 freakin years and first time i decide to NOT use a condom i get HPV!foolish old broad here plus x  a liar and stupid about his own health.You go to that pap in January dear.I hope u never hafta have a LEEP but i sailed thru it with flying colors!keep us posted!

[mayflowers]

I really need to step in here.  HPV is practically unavoidable for anyone who has sex.  Everyone gets HPV at some point unless they are both virgins and have never touch another human being.  People will have sex.  That's what we do - we have to in order to pro-create and to feel a connection with another person.  Stop beating yourself up over this.   You are at an age where the HPV will probably go dormant at any moment.  Still you need to get paps and if necessary have treatment to any abnormal cells.  The facts are that 95% of the people with HPV will have no ill effects.  Only 5% do.  And LSIL reverts back to normal in most cases.  It's HSIL that has to be watched more closely however even with LSIL, I would still watch that closely too so that it doesn't progress on to something worse.

Until the medical community learns how to deal with telling their patients about HPV in a way that won't make them feel like they are "dirty" or "******", people will continue to treat HPV like it's some sort of obscure virus, which it most certainly isn't.  

And this is especially for women here - men sleep around more b/c there is less social stigma to do so.  They don't feel guilt like women.  The chances of you meeting a man who doesn't have HPV is slim to none.  

The HPV test only tests for "active" hpv.   When the virus goes dormant, it will test negative on an HPV test but that doesn't mean that you don't have HPV.  

[ibizan]

i know ur right honey....and i'm a lot better now than i was in 8-07...gonna take time and ur so right!what sucks is being lied too....such an annoying all 2 common human trait....and we're only human so true.this forum helps me to feel camaraderie with other women who have this and by reaching out to them i lessen my self anger and shame.what really sucks bigtime and stops me from even having an interest in a meeting a man is that females bear the medical brunt of this plus the xpense more than a man ever will.I already have a history of cervical issues non-hpv related and now hpv related..that the man issue is a non-issue.perhaps some day that may change but like i said it will take a helluva man.Glad ur here 4 us!

[mayflowers]

I know what you mean, I thought I was the only one with HPV until I came to medhelp.  This forum has been great for me.  Learned so much from everyone and made some nice friends in the meantime.  It does suck that women carry the brunt of the issues with HPV.  The sad part is that most men don't even know they have it.  There is no test for them.  

I think if you want a man, you'll get one.  You just need one who is going to treat you right and have it be someone you can respect and admire.   He will be a hellava man!!!!

My guy has a great sense of humor which to me is the most important thing anyone can have.  We laugh all the time but know when to be serious too.  He's smart (University Professor) and has his own consulting business on the side.  Very well off but also knows how to have fun.  I've been serious for way too long and have decided that now is the time to have some fun in my life.  

[RGirl33]

Thank you so much for your posts. HPV does make me feel dirty and like my life has just been turned upside down. I know there are many worse things that could have happened to me, but this was sure a blow to the system. I am slowly learning more about it everyday, and I definitely didn't know that the hpv test would come back negative if you had it and it was dormant.
It is scary how many people have this and don't know, not to mention how easily it is spread. After I found out, I started seeing a guy, and we read that not even condoms can help, so sex went out the window.
Nonetheless I am glad to hear from other women. It has been such a dirty secret for me that I haven't even been able to share with my best friends.