steam

[urbabygirl]

ok my fiance and i have been together for almost 8 months, we met at my apt. i was having al party and we ended up having sex. all it was to me was a 1 night stand but he kept pursuing and wudnt leave me alone everyday he was coming around me, and finally i decided to give it a chance. well its like what every woman wants a man to do everything she asks, i dumped him 3 times and now were back 2 gether because he went to jail and i missed him like crazy, but now i cant stand being around him longer than a week at a time, its been this way for a long time but once i get away from him i miss him, i dont know whatto do should i stay with him or leave? i feel some what ashamed of him because i have never dated a guy of his type, my aunt tells me i shud leave unless i want a life like hers. he has a temper and shes worried he'll hit me, he never has b4 but theres a first time for everything. i dont know if i love him so what shud i do?

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

you are digging a pit for yourself and you know it. If a guy has been to jail, unless he is remarkably disciplined and committed to achieving something else in his life- he will probably be there again., So if you stay with this guy , you will be exposing yourself to his temper, his inabilty to stay out of trouble , and his inability to take care of you in any way except sexually.

You are needy. You call him up when you are lonely- and he's available. It's not about him- it's about your weakness. I am not blaming you- most of us get lonely and make compromises to have someone by our side-- but this guy sounds like way too much of a compromise.

  If he is worthy, he would stay out of trouble so that he could protect you and be a mature man, able to take care of himself and the people he loves. But this sounds unlikely-- and also your on and off feelings for him indicate a relationship that does not have enough going for it. Look at what you do- miss him only when he is missing!
You don't crave him when he is with you because he is not offering you enough.

   Listen to your own instincts. Get out of this relationship and find one with a man who looks like he can make a future life that both of you will enjoy,.

[brainpain]

i think you should trust in what your aunt tells you.sounds like she has only the best for you in mind.and if you cant stand to be around him why do you even question yourself.if you are ashamed of him what about when you get married?you cant keep him locked up.if you only miss him when your not with him you just get lonley.if you marry him you will be with him first thing in the morining,all day then last thing you see is him.i think you should dump him and find a new man.then you wont miss him and you can find someone you can say THATS MY MAN!!if you dont love him and just want his company do both of you a favor and break up .you will never be happy and end up miserable and divorced with kids without a daddy.do this for your heart and find someone you can love and be proud to say hes mine. dont get in to deep if hes scared you into thinking he will hurt you he will and then he will tun into your daddy.DONT MARRY HIM !!!!!!!!