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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
family relations
Answered by
Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D. - Sexuality, family, Sexual Identity
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
family relations
by fuzzy882, Dec 09, 2007 04:15PM
I dont know if i am in the right forum? But I need some help with family relations (aging mom and dad who have alot of health issues and 2 sisters) one sister is 44 and still live with mom and dad and actually she is the one that takes care of them and they still take care of her. the other sister is 46 and married with 2 19 yr. old twins that she abandoned when they were8 yrs. old. One of the twins got pregnent when she was 17 and now has a little girl. I have a 29 year old. daughter who married a man who is wonderful and they have given me 2 beautiful grandsons 2,3. OK, now heres the problem. My daughter is well off and my sisters daughter is not. My mother and dad and the sister that lives with them have nothing really to do with my grandsons and dwell all there attention on the other. I understand that because she has not father or money that she should be shown some special attention but not a the price of hurting my daughter or my grandsons. This has caused me a great deal of stress and anger toward my family. I try to stay out of the situation , but I get so angry and hurt that it has caused me alot of emotional problems. Please, I hope that someone can help me or guide me on this.
Doctor's Answer
by Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., Dec 26, 2007 01:44PM
, Dec 26, 2007 01:44PM
To: family relations
I can understand your frustration. We all want our children to get equal time with our family- and your family is not being sensitive or fair.I presume you have talked to them about this. Of course, if you have not , this should be your first step. Tell them you think it is hurting your daughter and their children. Ask them if there is some break that has occurred between them that you don't know about-- and even if there is something with your daughter , it shouldn't extend to the children.
Your parents and the sister who lives with them may not be aware about how much they favor the needy side of the family--or even if they are- they may not know how to change it.
So here is what I would do. I would give them very specific ways to treat your daughter and grandchildren. The kind of gift she might appreciate, a date to watch a kids movie on TV with the grand children, a special meal some Sunday morning with just your side of the family. You get the point. If they can't organize it or think of it-- think of it yourself and ask them to do it. It may never be exactly as you want it but you can help make your daughter and grand children feel a little better loved and taken care of.
Your parents and the sister who lives with them may not be aware about how much they favor the needy side of the family--or even if they are- they may not know how to change it.
So here is what I would do. I would give them very specific ways to treat your daughter and grandchildren. The kind of gift she might appreciate, a date to watch a kids movie on TV with the grand children, a special meal some Sunday morning with just your side of the family. You get the point. If they can't organize it or think of it-- think of it yourself and ask them to do it. It may never be exactly as you want it but you can help make your daughter and grand children feel a little better loved and taken care of.
