Daughter is changing

[bellemom]

My 9 year old is scaring me.  She doesn't make eye contact and she writes in the air every minute of her waking day. When she wakes up, her finger is in the air.  Prior to this, she had 6 months of teeth scraping and another 6 months of teeth tapping.  At one point, she was twisting the hair around her ears and lost the hair.  She is very bright and is constantly creating things.  She can build a house using a cad program, create a scrapbook using creative memories software, build2 stores with over 50 different offerings in the space of a day.  She never stops creating.  She also sings non-stop and she does have an incredible voice.  She makes up songs, jewelry. She can't sit and just watch tv or even play with webkinz but she can create something. She was home with a fever/ear infection the past two days and spent over 5 hours researching ballet.  This year she joined cross country and was placing 5th out of 200 8-12 year olds.  No running experience prior but she loves running.  Then she was on swim team and winning her events but quit because she said that she couldn't stand the pressure and it wasn't her passion.  Her teachers never recognize her intelligence and she knows that we are trying to educate her in the best way for her needs.  I feel like she is emotionally removed.  She is a fraternal twin with her sister. I look in her eyes and I see an expression of detached humor.  Like she is in her own world.  She has always been the one to determine when she would receive affection. She would go through times where I couldn't kiss or hug her but I did.  I tried to paint the whole picture. Help!

[Myrna Libby, Ph.D., BCBA]

You sound really concerned and perplexed but you do not mention any evaluation or diagnosis by your pediatrician or any school personnel.  Have you spoken to your pediatrician or the school guidance department about your concerns?  I think that you should follow-up on having a full team evaluation through your school system or with a developmental pediatrician to see if she meets any diagnostic criteria.  She certainly does seem to be gifted and it may just be that regular school programs do not interest  her.  On the other hand some of her behaviors are suggestive and a diagnosis may help you access resources to help her educational options.  I encourage you to contact professionals until you get some answers that help you understand her better, if that is possible.

[bellemom]

Thanks for the direction.  Her pediatrician wanted to know if my marriage was okay....it has been stable for 6 years...rather good.The school doesn't really recognize her intelligence unless we bring it to their attention.   We will try to find a diagnostic pediatrician.   She was smiling and connecting today....

[BlueEgg]

I am not a doctor but I have volunteered with children with autism and Asperger's syndrome and I have a cousin with autism...and your daughter's behaviours certainly sound like they fall into this category. I am surprised that she has not been evaluated over the years. My neighbour's daughter who has some autistic traits is a history whiz.  She knows about every period in history and facts and dates...it is incredible.  She reads the newspaper every mornin from front to back and she goes onto history sites and watches history documentaries. She is very stubborn, oftentimes difficult although her parents are very strict and consistent with her so she has learned manners and other social skills...but she cannot even do simple math or tie her shoe. Her parents remind her all the time to look at whoever she is talking to. Your daughter sounds high functioning so there is hope that with treatment she could come 'round and be able to lead a productive life. Personally, if I had a child with any difficulties, I would home school him or her.  My experience is that children who are home schooled are kinder and gentler than those who are sent to school where they are often sidelined and rejected and experience learning difficulties. Another friend has a child who could be called a slow learner.  She sent her to school where she was teased and rejected even in grade one. She cried so much and withdrew and changed from a happy child to a depressed child. My friend decided to keep  her home and teach her and the child became the happy, sweet and innocent child that she was.  Being teased and tormented makes children put up defenses and walls and hardens them and makes them aggressive.  So consider 'hothousing' your daughter and enriching her life with an education geared to her interests.  You can get together with other families for certain activities so that she has the peer interaction under supervision. It sounds like your daughter is a special little person who with the right nurturing could become quite an interesting adult who can function very well in society.  Good luck! BlueEgg

[bellemom]

Thank you.  You sound like a wonderful person.