Please help, I'm so lost as to what I should do next

[blendedfamily]

My stepson has lately been acting odd. His mother and grandmother have been trying to get him to play favorites and it seems like it's finally working. We have him every other week and things have been great until Christmas came up and his mom saw that she had to follow the court schedule instead of keeping him the way she wanted to. She got really mad, threatened not to let my husband see him and even started a fight with him during the Christmas pageant for the kids preschool. Christmas was finally settled but now my stepson had to watch all of that and he's been upset ever since. Since the fighting started a few weeks ago he has also been less affectionate than he normally was. When we tell him we love him he doesn't respond and he keeps comparing our house to his other home. This is very recent behavior and I have heard him telling his sister ( my daughter ) that his grandmother told him his mommy and daddy don't matter because she's the boss and only she makes the rules. They have always tried to turn him against us and we have tried to understand that it is simply out of fear that he might love someone more than them. We have also tried very hard to let him know that he will always have all of us in his life to love him but this week he won;t stop talking about the other house, the other preschool, the other things he does and so forth. We know it's hard on him to have two sets of homes and from what we understand there is nothing the same at either place other than he has people who love him very much no matter where he goes. What should we do about this new behavior? It's really hurting all of us that he seems to be reluctant to show his affection. Even his behavior is bad. Normally he follows the rules and is a great little boy but now he's breaking things and just walking away from them, not letting anyone know. If we confront him he ignores us and when we won;t go away he blames it on his big brother and walks away from us. This child is only 4 but in the past few weeks that this fighting has been going on (mostly during phone conversations that he didn't hear as far as we know) He has become disrespecting, rude and wrapped up in himself. He's also started lying about everything and hiding toys from his sister or breaking them rather than sharing. HELP !!! What are we supposed to do about this? We discipline the poor behavior but we are certain it's tied up into all of this. We are really hurt by his actions but what can we do? His grandmother recently stated that she would make certain he hated us if we didn't do exactly what she wanted and we truly believe that is what is happening. In the past they have both gone to very large lengths to keep him from being with his father and the mother had even left her son with the grandmother to raise before my husband took her to court. Now they all live together and it's only gotten worse.  

[blechy]

This must be very upsetting to you.  Unfortunately one of the things in a blended family is that you really have no control whatsoever over the other household and what the parents there say or do.  It is something you have to accept no matter how unfair it seems.  

What you can control is your household and I suggest you just keep going on as normal.  Your stepson will feel the stability in your household.  Show him a little more love and assurance while he is acting like this.  He is very young and will have limited understanding of the conflicts surrounding the adults in his life so there is not much you can actually explain to him.  

I always found my children needed a little bit of time to readjust to my house after being in the other house and often their attitude was not good for the first day.  Try to not be too hard on him although you cannot let obviously bad behaviour go unoticed.  

Good luck I am sure he will soon realize that your house is a nicer place to be.  

[chigirl29]

I think he should see a child counselor or psychologist as it will help him have someone to talk to about his feelings.  His situation is difficult, and it probably hurt him very much to see his parents arguing and feeling powerless about where he stays and visits.