Sexual Arousal Problems, Stress, Anxiety, Getting an Erection and Maintaining Through Ejaculation.

[tjmm2434]

I am a healthy 43 year old man. I work out 4 to 6 times a week. I eat right. Lately within the last 2 months I have been experiencing sexual arousal problems. I think this stems from me thinking that my penis is not big enough to satisfy a women. I never thought this before based on my past relationships that were sexually fulfilling for me and my partners. Of late I have been experiencing alot of stress and anxiety over this and this has caused problems with me to be sexually aroused and maintain an erection all through ejaculation. Also this has caused me to not even get an erection when being sexually passionate and intimate with a women. I have a couple of partners that I have had sex with in the past with no problem. But now it seems like (last 2 months) it is a challenge to get sexually aroused with them or sexually aroused at all. The women that I have been with always enjoyed having sex with me and never said that my penis was too small for them. They loved being with me. All of a sudden I have this problem or feeling and its really making feel alot of stress and anxiety and it is really worrying me. I really want to get back to where I was (and that is getting sexually aroused), especially with a special women that I hope to get back together with that I am deeply in love with.  I love this women soo much and our sex life was great. I want to have this problem resolved before I move forward with this special women and to have a fulfilling sexual relationship with her, like we did in the past. I do have some stress that is work related in the sense that I have my own company and is responsible with the profitability of the company. But this in the past, this has never caused any sexual arousal problems for me.  I do feel stressed and anxiety, and maybe it is because I want to be with this special women, but it can not happen at this time? I would love to hear any suggestions regarding this problem with me. Thanks

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

My guess is that you are under a lot more stress than you even know. Your email sounded like you had a lot of anxiety and I think it probably comes from a number of sources and that penis size has only been part of the problem- perhaps you fixed on it as an issue when you were already in high anxiety. I don't know what the real cause of it- it could be your job, getting older, not being with this woman you say you love,  it's hard to tell from here. But I think you need to figure out all the sources of this anxiety and one by one figure out a plan to reduce your fears, If the job is a stressor, talk over the issues with a trusted co-worker or a friend who understands these kind of work issues.  If it is something else, address it.

Penis size anxiety is usually among younger men who have not been sexually successful with women yet. It is interesting that you are having it at this late date-- which means something must have happened to make you focus on it.  Did a woman say something? Did a woman have trouble reaching orgasm? You sound sexually experienced enough to know that some women have trouble reaching orgasm or any two people might not have the right chemistry--but that says nothing about the impact of penis size.  Most women truly don't care about the size of a man's penis- they like the way he moves, kisses them, touches them, the length of foreplay, the attentiveness he brings to their body and soul-- Penis size is an easy out- usually the issues to be solved are a lot less narrow - a lot more complicated that the length and width of a penis.
And you know its not important to the right woman- you've had that experience.. so give yourself a break. Take a rest from intercourse and just relax and not put yourself in anxiety ridden circumstances.
Masturbate if you feel like it- but just stop testing yourself. If you love this other woman, go see her- court her- and lay off the sex for awhile- reconnect as people- and don't worry about your sexual abilities right now- she is not going to fall in love with a penis- but she may fall in love with you if you focus on her and stop worrying about yourself.

  If you feel like you want to- go see a doctor about viagra or cealis, or Levitra- they really work- although some men tolerate one drug better than the other. Maybe that will lessen your fear and a few successful acts will restore your confidence and probably your sex drive.

   But give yourself a break. Penis size is not the most important part of being a lover- almost any woman will tell you that. Believe it- and concentrate on just enjoying your partner and your life. Your sex drive will come back- and you can obviously satisfy a woman when you have your own act together.