recognition of Complex PTSD

[Eleison]

I had problems at work due to defences against hyper vigilance and dissociative flashbacks. This was particularly when stressed in my current life - moving house, changes at work...
I got hostile and defensive when some contractors, several times, got in 'my space', startling me, this upset them.
I was referred to Occupational Health.

My problem is in getting medically qualified people to accept and recognise my PTSD. Complex PTSD, to be precise.
I nearly died at birth, 2 months premature,very low birth weight, suffered extended separation from my mother... to live as only child in a very isolated family, emotionally abused and controlled by my father, also witnessing the domestic violence he inflicted upon my mother. In addition to that I was abused by a group of 20 plus of my peers on a daily basis for 10 years, this included physical assaults as well as emotional battering and humiliation. Noone helped.
I was a teacher & substitute teacher for 12 years, the target for often ridicule and lack of control of many of the children I tried to teach. This was re-traumatising.
I spent 10 years embroiled in a cult-like yoga organisation, until therapy helped me get free.

And then..... the Occupational Health nurse [who is not even a psychiatric nurse]straight off when I walked in pretty much asked me if I'm Bipolar! I corrected her, but I don't think it sunk in. She paid no attention to my abuse history, and ignored that I have PTSD.
My GP doesn't 'get' my PTSD either[says I'm making up a label], though she is warm and helpful and she 'gets' my symptoms.
My psychotherapist clearly diagnoses me with Complex PTSD. ['official' medical diagnosis is longterm major depression]

I keep finding myself 'having' to explain my history when I meet with employers, to explain these occasional behaviours [which are slowly abating now, to my relief.] This is frustrating and exposing. If I'd been raped maybe people would get it. How to help people understand?

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

I would not expect an occupational nurse or your gp to understand your complex personal history, and you may be doing yourself unnecessary harm and frustration by hoping that they would.  Your therapist and you know the whole story, and can understand.  the most important thing is for you to continue to progress in ridding yourself of the after effects of your personal ptsd.  

[Eleison]

Thank you Dr, you are right. The frustration in itself can also so easily mirror how I felt all those years being victimised every day with no let up and noone but noone did anything to help or even notice what was going on - this included a wooden chair being thrown at me from across the classroom. Physically a near miss... but emotionally...
I feel tearful now...
Yes, my therapist and I know, and I have an excellent skilled and compassionate therapist. I am very lucky.

My dilemma as I see it however is that with the OH nurse and colleagues/my manager, unless I explain to them at least in simple terms what's going on for me [that it's a flashback, and I was in a painful past reality when I acted hostile and so forth] they are prone to just see me as rude, a behavior problem ...

[that really makes me want to cry...what about all the 20+ girls who attacked me physically and emotionally every day, what about their behaviour? what about my social isolation and exclusion as a child that no teacher thought to sensitively address, just blame me for being shy and lacking in confidence?]

or, to use one of my father's terms, 'being awkward'.
True, I understand my bahviour's been inappropriate at times. It's not something I enjoy or anything. Flight-fight mode, as anyone with PTSD knows, is hell on earth.
I'm working it through.
It just all makes me very very sad.
It just doesn't seem fair.

Also the OH nurse wanted me to change my meds. My GP disagrees, and so does my therapist. I'm not sure how to feel secure in telling the OH nurse when I see her again.