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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
When to tell child about his biological father and his Step dad
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
When to tell child about his biological father and his Step dad
by shesax, Dec 25, 2007 07:50PM
My son just turned 4 yrs. old and he has always known his daddy to be my husband (step dad). His biological father has visitation and my son does care for him. He calls him (biol.) by his first name and calls his step dad "daddy". He adores and is quite bonded with his step dad. He is oblivious at this point to everything and just thinks the other is a good friend. It seems the biol. father is calling himself "daddy' when they are together sometimes. I do not like this since it will only confused my son. I wish to discuss with the biol. father a manner of going about this in the best interest of my son. Please advise me on some ways to go about communicating this to a child....and when?
Thank you very much!
Thank you very much!
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Dec 26, 2007 05:05AM
, Dec 26, 2007 05:05AM
It's OK to talk with him about this now, though it may be hard for him to comprehend entirely at this age. But, over time, he will come to understand more and more. It is important that you and his father reach some agreement re: what name to use. And, his father is certainly not being unreasonable when he calls himself Daddy while with your son. After all, he is your son's father, and he should not be regarded as simply a friend. It's also OK if he calls both his father and his stepfather Daddy. Again, over time he'll come to grasp the difference between the two persons he refers to as Daddy.
Thank you very much for your well-educated response. This is my first time addressing an issue in such a forum. I appreciate the immediate attention.
In response to your response, I am very happy to have my son know who his biological father is. The way I see it is he is incredibly blessed to have so many who love and adore him in his life. My query and the uncertainty lies in exactly WHAT to say and how much to say. Should I just start calling him (biol.) "Daddy John" for example?....and refer to his step dad (my husband) as Daddy Joe?...not just daddy, and leave it at that until he starts asking? Maybe ease into it?...and when he does ask, how in-depth should one go with a child?...and is there a book or little story to refer to to help parents with such a delicate matter? I really am quite eager to do the right thing. He is such an emotionally well-balanced child right now, I really want to make certain I don't go about this in any way that may be damaging or possibly emotionally confusing for my "very sensitive" young man. : )
Thank you Again,
SheSax