Sexual Identity In Question

[TedBell22]

Dear MedHelp,

I have to give a little back story here. I am gay and I have had a bizarre sexual fetish, giving wedgies. It is something that died out over time and I used to have erotic dreams about it when I was younger and nocturnal emissions too.

I always felt as if I was sexually attracted to people who were generally the same age as me. I have had a boyfriend for 2 months now and we are both the same age. Our sex life has been pretty good.

But I have started having erotic dreams that are bothering me. They started around thanksgiving time. I had this dream with middle school kids acting out the subject of my fetish and I woke up to find myself aroused. I have had about 3 other dreams like that as well where I have gotten extremely aroused by what was going on in my dreams. I also have had 2 instances where I have been in that state of sleep where I am only partly conscious and I have put those images from my dreams in my mind and I have felt aroused after doing so.

When I am awake and look at similar images or videos to the ones appearing in my dreams on youtube or on google I generally feel no arousal, but every once in a while I would get this feeling that I was about to have an erection or I was like maybe 1-5% turned on by what I was seeing and it has been bothering me immensely. I remain flaccid, but it feels like something is going on in my groin and penis.

I have never thought of myself as a ********* before and I never really felt sexually turned on by younger children at all. As I got older I always felt attracted to males who were generally around my age. I really don't know what to do about all of this and it is causing me a great deal of distress because it is truly the first time I have had any type of sexual arousal over people who were out of my age league or so to speak. I am seeing a social worker in 1 week to try and figure this out.

I hope you can help me and I hope to hear back soon.

Thank You.

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

since you have had a good sex life with age mates, you need to preserve that- for your own sake and for the sake of others. Fantasies can be harmless- or they can be a rehearsal. Because allowing your fantasies about young people could make them more exciting to you- you need to cut it out- snf latch onto some other more morally and legally acceptable fantasy- whether it is three ways with other adult men, or a movie star or whatever captures your fantasy- you need to work to avoid reinforcing any feelings about young boys. If you aren't doing well at avoidance- see your social worker more- or try someone else who you think can be affective. There are programs for sexual fetishes and unlawful sexual desires- one is done by Mark Schwartz in St, Louis  I think at a medical school affiliated with Washington University.  There is a program at the University of Toronotnad you can googlel AASECT- the American Association o Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists to find out a specialist in your area of the country. You want to stop this if you can- otherwise the possibilities of future incarceration and/or heartbreak for you and other people is way too likely.