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Step Parenting Community
This patient support community is for discussions relating to step parenting, anger, behavioral issues, chores, communication, discipline, ex- spouses, family gatherings and meetings, family decisions, frustration, fun activities, grandparents and relatives, guilt, rules, stress, and time issues.
Need some ideas
by jayncandi, Dec 29, 2007 08:37PM
Hi I am looking for some ideas of how I can bond with my step-daughter. We have no problems in our relationship, my husband and I get along very well with her mother, and she gets along well with us and with the 4 boys we have had together. The problem I am having is that we have her every other weekend and both my husband and I feel like we are just babysitting someone elses kid. We love her so much, but because most of her life is spent somewhere else, we don't feel like we know her as well as we would like. I am very busy with my 4 boys under the age of 8 and since my husband was never married to her mom and never lived under the same roof as her, he doesn't feel like he knows her any better than I do. What are some ways we can create a parent/child relationship with her? I don't want to look back some day and feel like we missed a chance to be a bigger part of her life. Thank you so much.
Member Comments (5)
by BabyHardiman, Dec 31, 2007 05:44PM
What kind of family functions do you guys do together? How old is your step-daughter? Maybe you two could schedule a girls outing together and share some "special time". I do that with my BF's daughters and it is comfortable for us. We will one day be married, I am expecting his baby on May 5th.
by BabyHardiman, Dec 31, 2007 05:44PM
What kind of family functions do you guys do together? How old is your step-daughter? Maybe you two could schedule a girls outing together and share some "special time". I do that with my BF's daughters and it is comfortable for us. We will one day be married, I am expecting his baby on May 5th.
by jml1986, Jan 03, 2008 04:15PM
To: babyhardiman
You are in a tough situation. Step parenting can be rewarding, or like you are in hell. I am so happy that you have a good relationship with all your extended family. I think you all should sit down together and work out a plan that is good for all of you. Parenting a step child can be a very good thing or a very bad thing. I suggest that once you work with the childrens mom on a set schedule life can get a hole lot easier. It is always when you can be a friend with your stepdaughter, but you have to be careful to not cross the line.
by chigirl29, Jan 10, 2008 09:13AM
To: jayncandi
Have your husband approach her mother and ask for a little more time with her per month. He needs to be honest and sincere about his feelings that he doesn't feel like he knows her enough. I am sure her mother will appreciate that because they were never married. She probably wonders if he ever really will love her fully the way a father does. You sound like a well-integrated family and that is wonderful. It is also very nice and kind of you to want to reach out to your step-daughter in this way. I hope things work out for you and your family.
by slow_healer, Feb 13, 2008 01:19PM
Find a common interest and run with it. If she likes sports, then that's easy - try practicing something with her and *ask* if she wouldn't mind you attending a public function (if it's like a soccer meet or something). Depending on how old she is, I think ask first because if she's still warming up to you, she might not want to feel forced to accept you. But generally kids like it when adults spend time with them, so really try to find something that you can enjoy together - then the bonding can happen gradually and naturally. Even cooking - make a point to go out, pick out ingrediants together, make Saturday nights a pleasant routine of she decides and makes dessert. It might be more work on your part, but if you and your husband are really serious about ensuring a healthy relationship with this child, a little investment can go a long way. I hope this helps - good luck!
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