Seeking Support

[bighuman]

So I have been looking around latly, I have been taking a lot of time to look around for support, and I hope that this can be my first step to getting help and making a difference in a positive way in my life.  I have been taking Norco, for about 2 years, I hurt my back on a job and had 2 epidurals and months of physical therapy.  I fear that now that I feel better that I can't break away from taking these darn pain pills.  I stop taking them and I get terrible depression, borderline suicidal feelings, (which is not myself), I even started trying to self destruct instead of just getting my head right, making bad choices, running up huge debt, thinking that I was going to die anyways.  I am taking the 10 mil pills but I never take a whole one usually breaking them in half, and if I ever take a full one I get terribly light headed and queezy.  This I feel is a really good thing, my body it seems like has kept me from having a stronger habit.  There have been times in the last two years that I have stoped for a month or longer, but I always seem to relapse and instead of just popping a Tylenol like I should for pain I will take Half of a Norco.  I have been on my way to take my pills to my roommate and tell him to hold them for me unless I really need them, but I never seem to make it down the hallway.  I want to start off the new year not taking them but I feel like I need some support.  I have no one to talk to about my addiction and I really wish I could tell people and not have them judge me.  In the business that I work in drug addiction happens quite a bit and I know there are people out there who understand, does anyone here have any suggestions?  Are there groups for people with Pain Pill Addictions?  I want to go to AA and talk to people there, but isn't that just for Alcoholics?    I am really struggling here, and I need people in my life that understand what this is.

[jenny8575309]

There's lots of pillhedz in Narcotics Anonymous.  AA and NA are very similiar.   I can't even begin to tell you what NA has done for my life.  Vicodin was my DOC this time around.

[IBKleen]

Hello and Welcome!

You are in the right place, and you are not alone.

I would think your first step is to go to the doctor and get a good check-up, complete with blood work. I suggest that you come clean with your doctor. He/she should know what is going on. From there you can explain your feeling of anxiety, as well as your thoughts of suicide. If you are clinically depressed, then you will need to address that immediately. that can, and probably is, a stumbling block for you. Next, you will have to withdraw from the meds. You can choose to go cold turkey, or you can taper. If you taper, you will need a schedule and you will need a buddy to hold and dispense the meds for you. Either way, you need to get away from those killer pills. After you deal with the physical, then you can work on the mental.

Absolutely, a meeting of two..or 100 will never hurt. No, AA is not just for alcoholics. I attended AA meetings, as well as NA for many years.

So, where do you think you want to start???

[bighuman]

Well the physical is a bit of an expense that I don't really need at the moment, I am stepping down my in take, I am taking about one full pill a day, which is why it was so hard for me to realize that I have a problem.  Today I have taken a half of a pill and tommorrow I am breaking my half into  two halfs.  My last prescription I only have five pills left so I think that stepping down is the best way to go.  If I start having some real problems I will get myself to a doctor, I have just been unable to get medical insurance since my accident.  So doctors are way to expensive right now.  I am also going to go to a meeting tomorrow and everyday on the weekend.  Having people that I can go through things with has always been a huge help to me I played team sports all through college, I will see how things go.  I am not suicidal that is the thing I only get those feelings when I have been on a long strech with the meds or when I stop taking them cold turkey.  I am not a risk, it is just thoughts that come into my head that I have little control over, my thoughts will not over whelm my rational thought process.  I hope that makes sense.

[bighuman]

How long were you taking the Vics for Jenny and what was it like for you to go off of them?

[broknbck]

i was addicted to painkillers (hydrocodone) for 4 years.better for you to get out before things get outta hand. you probably will experience some discomfort tapering but i think it's the best way. i went from 9 pills a day to 1 then quit and i had no withdrawl after,. i felt it while tapering. had to take immodium-(had to run to bathroom alot) after i quit i've been taking alot of amino acids and different calming herbs. i've been clean for a month and it's been the best month i've had in years!!
i came clean with everyone i know about my addiction. they knew i was getting them from a doctor but i never had enough and also bought them on the side. everyone was so helpful to me. you know we're not bad guys, there are thousands, maybe millions getting addicted to perscriptions everyday. once you mention it to people, you'll be surprised to find out how many others are in the same boat.

[bighuman]

Thanks man, I was on Hydroco, before my physical therapy doc told me that Norco was less harmful to my liver and kidneys.  That was a bad move, more opiate less tylenol.  Did you have any damage done to any organs after taking it for so long?

[broknbck]

i always had my doctor check my liver every 6 months. i guess it's good. but my memory is shot to h#ll. also my hearing was getting real bad in heavy use, that's gotten better. i'v been clean for a month and feel better than i have in years.

[bighuman]

Good that you are feeling better man, were there any really bad life decisions that you made besides the pills, during you time of usage?  I made a ton, bought stuff I didn't need, I was really bad to my ex girlfriend, work was really hard and it made waking up in the morning impossible.

[broknbck]

no, can't say i made bad decisions, except to take pills before doing just about everything!!
i was more of a funtioning addict and only went for the high once in awhile.
my hard part was learning how to do everything without taking pills. i've got a back injury but it actually feels better now than it did on the pills. i guess it was just a mental thing. like i needed a couple pills just to take a shower, go to work, grocery shop, go out with friends, whatever.
do you feel that way? hard to do anything without them?

[bighuman]

Yeah I felt exactly the same way, I would actually repark my car and climb three flights of steps to get a few pills to take with me if I left the house.  I would find myself timing my next dosage, checking my watch waiting for the 4 hour time period to lapse before taking another one.  If I was going into a movie I would take one so that I could keep a positive perspective when sitting in a chair for hours.  I would definatly go out of my way to make sure I had them with me.  The only thing that I would try and not take them before was sex.  For obvious reasons, even though my back would always hurt after sex.  If I left the houe without them I would feel naked and vunerable.