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323051 tn?1206924683

Im BACk!!! OXYCONTIN!! HELP!!

Ok Ive been here before. Tried to straighten myself up. Didnt quite work when my hubbie came into a huge sum of money. Right now Im trying to get myself back on track. I had been doing anywhere from 1 to 2 oc 80's a day. Now I am cutting myself off of the money and trying to taper down with hydro and valium. The only thing is that its not cutting it! I start chillin' and sweating and all of the other good stuff that goes along w sobering up in about 4 hrs w the hydro. With the oxy it was about 8 hrs. I have been doing this for a long while and I am tierd of this lifestyle and hiding my face, . . . the guilt. Another thing I wanted to mention is that when Im coming down with no hydro xanax or valium I am like a freaking lunatic, crying, punching walls, screaming, and then apologizing. Whats up with that I was even suicidal last night. That has never happend before.
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Avatar universal
My addiction is Lortab and at times I would escalate (sp?) up to 10 -12 per day. I would usually have a mix of 7.5's and 10's because I had a limited supply of 10's and would supplement that with the others. About 35 days ago I finally found the courage to end the daily routine of pill popping. I have been taking them for over 4 years and while I do have some moderate pain, I admit that I was taking them to get high.

I knew my problem was huge when I took 4 7.5's in a 6 hour span and still started feeling withdrawal symptoms later that evening. The next day I didn't take any because I ran myself out. After that night, which was my second night of no sleep I went back to the person I buy my pills from and purchased 15 of them. However I didn't take 1 immediately which I normally would have done. I came all the way home (about 50 miles) without taking one either. WHen I arrived back home I finally knew that I was indeed serious about quitting becaue all 15 were still there. So I never took them.

In the first 125 hours after my last pill I only slept for 4 hours total. I've never been so desperate and lonely in my life and no one can help you. People can keep your mind occupied but eventually you have only yourself to deal with and that's pure hell. My sleep issues lasted for well over 2 weeks with me never having a full nights sleep, only an hour or so here and there.

I'm not saying these things to scare anyone, only to let other people know that you had better be seroius about quitting or else you will fail. Listen to that very small voice in the back of your head that keeps telling you that you have to end this, that you're an addict who has to quit. When you finally let that voice speak clearly and loudly enough that it dominates your mind, then you will have the will to quit and go through the hell that is to come. I've still got those pills in my cabinet at this moment. But now they don't call out to me as often or as loudly either.

Sorry to be so long winded, but I hope that someone who's in the boat I was in will come along and read this and have the will to crawl out of the pill bottle and get back to having a life again.
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Hi,
Sorry i haven't been back since yesterday. Are you still hanging in there?
I asked you about the benz's yesterday, because what I was gonna say was, take them to help you sleep, but otherwise they are just gonna make you more tired an ddepressed...in my opnion.
I used to always do NyQuil to sleep, and Imodioum, and a good taper if I could sick to it!
You actually sond a lot like me. I was a closet pill head then herion and then a full blown addict. I got clean was clean for 5 years. Got married, had a baby, great job...and I had a miscarriage and took a perc and I spent the last two years chasing it all over again. FULLY functional as well. Half the time no-one even knew. It's just craziness. In reality,my house was super clean (I love to get high and stay up all night cleaning!) ut I wasn't really there for my kids...not emotionally anyway, I was going thru the drill but I wasn't there.
So after spending the last two years chasing it, and sik, and trying to taper, and everything else, I finally decided to go on suboxone maintaince...belive me it's a tough decesion becaise i was completly and totally sober for over 5 years, and no it's like admitting defeat...but I'l tell you one thing, my daughter is happier. When I read her a story at night, I"m really reading it, I remember the next day.
Anyway, thats my little story, hope you are hanging in there.
Helpful - 0
323051 tn?1206924683
Thanks man. You sound like an old pro. Our situations are very different and in some ways similiar. My husbands family is very well to do in a small community, He owned a local coal company before the accident. So I am always in the public eye. You know how small towns are. . . So I understand about the keeping the rep. clean. Plus w the kids and all I am by no mean ever out of my head, matter of fact I just do it anymore to be normal. I am a very functional addict. BELIEVE IT OR NOT!!! I know so one is gonna have something smart to say!

ON that note lol, Your prayers are greatly appreciated,
Im not all religious more of a spiritual person but I do believe in God, He brought my husband back, Im thinking that he is the only one that can take this demon from me. Its above and beyond me, one of my close friends ask me the other day, are you willing to sell your soul for a pill? I couldnt answer. . . .
Helpful - 0
52704 tn?1387020797
Here are some things that helped me:

1) The book End Your Addiction Now, by Charles Gant.  It will teach how to get our FUBAR'd brain chemistry straightened out.  I found it impossible to stay clean until I did that.

2) Lots of meetings -- AA and/or NA.  For the first 8 months I averaged 10 a week.  I still hit 5 a week.

3)  Diet and exercise: healthy and lots.  The books The Mood Cure, by Julia Ross, and Seven Weeks to Sobriety, by Joan Larsen, are good for the diet aspects of Recovery.

4)  In-patient rehab.  Long after I knew I was in serious trouble with addiction I absolutely rejected the idea of rehab.  I was the respectable father of four, a professional with my own office, etc., etc., etc.  I though that going to rehab would be worse than the problem I already had.  I was sure it would destroy me.  I was positive that I just needed to fix my private problem privately.

I was wrong.  I was almost dead wrong.  Trying to fix my addiction by myself only made it worse and worse and worse.  It got to a point that today I find difficult to believe . . . if I hadn't been there I would tell you that it simply wasn't possible.  My little "private" problem became far from little and anything but private.

In the end I did go off to rehab for a long time.  But not until I had destroyed everything that I thought I was protecting by avoiding rehab . . . my home, my office, my "clean" reputation, every single penny I had ever earned.  

To be honest, I don't think I would have found Recovery if I hadn't lost all that stuff.  I was very stubborn and unwilling to ask for, let alone accept, help from anyone.  There's no good reason for me to have been that way, other than the fact that it was the only way I knew how to be.  I used to think that people who were less self-contained than I was were inherently weak and slightly inferior.  I don't think that anymore.

I pray that you find the Recovery you're looking for.

CATUF
Day-946
Helpful - 0
306867 tn?1299249709
Welcome back.  I am hearing great things about the sub drugs. Maybe that is an option for you now. It would be money well spent if it helps you get clean. You have your hands full and I could see where cold turkey would be difficult. Glad your back and keep posting.  Mary
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
thank you.. thank you for sharing your story.

and congratulations on being clean.. that is SUCH GREAT NEWS.

also - just wanted to let you know that sometimes if you post on someone else's thread, your post might get overlooked.  i hope you post this again tomrrow on a new thread so everyone can see if.  i think it's really, really valuable - your story.

again - congratulations.  and thank you again for sharing... it's really great to read something like this..

warmly,
mj
Helpful - 0
369425 tn?1207964715
thanks, there.

Typing instead of talking face to face can sure be dangerous sometimes!

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
sweety, that is so, so great....

(and sorry - the turbo thing wasn't for you... must have posted simultaneously as you were posting.)

and a cat "woman." :-)  and my cat is absolutely certifiably insane!!!  he thinks he's a dog.. it's the best. he's just completely out of his gourd...

anyhoo, again sweety - i hope you feel so proud of yourself!!  this is great progress and you should feel like a million bucks... truly.

nite nite hun..
:)
mj
Helpful - 0
369425 tn?1207964715
HA - hey now... Give a girl a break...  This is all new for me...

...turbo...phsh..... I like my new nickname..

Thanks, marc....

So, you are a "cat man"?  I love em!  I have one sitting on my lap as I type.  I'm trying not to move too much so he won't jump down.  

He can finally sit on my lap again, since I am not shaking like a leaf tonight.  A huge step for me.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
that's great new, girl... way to go.  you are past the hump and ON YOUR WAY!  

good job...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
easy turbo...
Helpful - 0
369425 tn?1207964715
When I was originally asking how to taper, I am positive someone told me to start with a new bottle?  I have heard that from several people...

Some told me to flush it and some told me to "get more" to do it right (taper).

Others helped me by taking the amount I had left and dividing it.  

I have heard all kinds of advice.  

I was really glad to hear all the different choices I had!  Wow, I can go get a new bottle of Vico... or flush what I have.. (uh.. heck no) ...OR. divide what I got.

I divided what I had, and am starting day 6 OF BEING CLEAN!!!!!! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It nice to be able to TAPER with whatever we have left.  It worked for me!  

Gosh, did I mention I feel great today?  Have I told ya'll I love ya'll today yet???

(I swear the only thing I have taken today is Maalox!!!!!!)...

Michele's high on Maalox... Hey, before, I would have taken a Vicodin or three for my ailing stomach!

Life is good.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
She admitted what she was doing and all I did was suggest that 3 of the 10mg hydo is better than getting back on the oxy because they helped her so much better!

You might want to think before posting.. I dont ever try and give out negative advice.. But if you actually read above

"So a friend of mine has been bringing me by 3 loratab 10's 2 white xanax, and 4 valiums, each night the thing is its not the same and its not really cutting it." DIRECT QUOTE"

Tapering is a method used on here OFTEN  as a way to quit taking oxycontin.. i have read enough and posted enough to watch what I say!  I simply suggest that she needs to consider that if she is getting 3 of the 10mg hydro a night from a firends (regaurdless of what I said, not to mention before I even posted a thing) she is going to do it anyway..  I would rather tell someone to taper using a lower dose of a less potent srug than to say " GO AHEAD AND TAKE THOSE OXY'S IF THE HYDRO DON'T WORK"!!!

This is about tolerating a certain level of pain from withdrawl, and also making a decision that is right for her and her life.. I never SUGGESTED TO ANYONE THAT IS TRYING TO GET 100% CLEAN AND HAS A PLAN ALREADY TO GO GET PILLS!

You are obviously bitter, and have  horrible attitude at this time of night.. You tell me not to get pissed off, yet you come at me and accuse me of something YOU TOTALLY TOOK OUT OF CONTEXT!

I refuse to argue with you over something I help people with EVERYDAY,  DAY AFTER DAY ON HERE WITH..  You can post to your self!!  And you keep the negativity up and I will dirent my energy to helping others, and staying positive!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
dude.. no offense.. and no one here is better than anyone else, but i'm not sure you should really be giving out alot of advice..

encouraging drug use is not the way to go. i think participation is GREAT, but giving advice at this point?  i'm not sure..

just think about it..  before you get pi**ed - think about it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If the 10mg Hydo, vailum, and znanax arent cutting it, then why even take them?  I think they help a little more than having nothing and going cold turkey right?

Plus if you look at it froma apositive standpoint that at least you have those 3 and they take even the slightest bit of the edge off, THATS GREAT!1 Becasue, if you can do this for a week or so then you only will be withdrawling from the Hydo not the oxy anymore! make sense?!

I always wanted more too, and it seemsed never enough the small amounts of the weaker stuff. But I can say that in all honesty even when I would tell then NO NO DIFFERENCE - it was better than nothing, and took some of that edge off the w/d

Also I was taking actually 7-8 of the 80mg oxy per day at bad times, and on average was taking around 5-6.. So you might want to ask yourself " IS THE 3 10MG HYDRO BETTER THAN NOTHING?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
ps - also be careful with the benzo's.. the amount you mentioned is alot....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
listen hun, all the things you mentioned are normal symptoms of
w/d... all of them.  as well, so are the suicidal thoughts i am guessing - it's the only time i ever felt it, at the end of my "run"...

you have two choices: one is to gut out 3 or 4 days of that sh**, and just get through it.  WITH SOME AFTERCARE.

the other option is using clonidine or Sub, and stopping completely.  they will help with the w/d ALOT. also, include with aftercare..

but if you don't change up something, you likely won't succeed hun.  and being at the house all the time makes it worse - i know.  been there.

you've been around here.. you know enough sweetheart.  all those symptoms are normal w/d symptoms, and you either have to suffer a few days and just get through it, or try the w/d meds.

but i can't stress enough the support afterward.. therapy, n/a, SOMETHING.  or you're gonna end up using again.

glad you're back and fighting the fight... good for you.
Helpful - 0
318890 tn?1297965320
That didn't even make seance not the first line it's like i was just hitting key's lol, Just woke up. What i was trying to say is " ME & gointtomake it will share the money & lesson the wanting abit lol " SORRY
Helpful - 0
318890 tn?1297965320
Hi hun. I'll have a share me *goint to will fid a better use for it lo.
I'm addicted to vallium, But that's not my main adiction, Hreion & methadone are. Got a few to work through eh lol. Then heavy pot smoker
But you didn't have to leave just coz you relapsed if i did i'd never be hear lol. I'm back on day 9, The last time you where in i think i'd done almost 30 day's ( whit a 1 day relapse ), Not counting that 1 lol
It could be the vallium hun. The reson you feel like you do, The pill's you get in the stse' sosund well i don't no bad . Vic's, Oxy's ect. I don't no if we get then here not under that name enyway.????. I'm going to look up thouh so i no what your all taking about lol It's about time.
Enyway the only real pill addiction's i hear of over here is benzo's vallium, Nitrazipan ect. & the w/d of those are the same as what you experiancing. I'm not a c/t person. I taper, With little or slow progress. Look up that thomas recipe i printed it out. It's really good.
I no what you mean about the cold, Nothing to do. It bloody frezzing i only go out if i have work.
But i got a pole dancing pole to help take my mind of it & 2 boy's 4 & 10 keep me buzy.
Enyway hun glad your back. Not like that But that you have started to post again. When i mess up. I still linger in the background's lol. I feel to bad to post. Then it take's me day's to addmite i have used lol Mad eh!
If you need to chat message me. Like ya new pik
Peace nat xxxx
Helpful - 0
323051 tn?1206924683
I am strictly hooked on opiates. I started out w hydro when I was about 18, I liked an occiasional perc 10 or tylox, but I had never tried oxy's until last year after my husbands car accident. I guess I was just trying to escape reality. But anyway to answer the question NO I could never touch a xanax or valium again and be perfectly fine with it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
...and do pills appareantly!
I'm just saying it's hard to kick at home when you can't take your mind off of it!
Helpful - 0
352798 tn?1399298154
Take an anti-diarrhea med if you need to. Look on my profile for the jornal The Thomas recipe re-posted. There is info there to help you quit. Tapering is another way, but if you have been off for a day or two. You are half way there. btw all of the symptoms you described are w/ds. Some use suboxone, but you have to first find a DR that can prescribe it. It is also expensive. You could try Neurontin. I have heard amazing things with that for the w/d process.
Which way are you heading? Cold Turkey or taper?
Helpful - 0
323051 tn?1206924683
I have all of the time in the world to think about it, I am isolated to this house. My husband is injured, cant walk on his own. I have a three yr old. A six yr old, its winter, and here it is very cold.  Nothing much here for me to do besides cook, clean, yadda yadda.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
tapering for ME has never worked. It's good in theroy but I have never been able to do it.
Are you hooked on the benzo' too or just opiates?
Helpful - 0
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