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5 year old taking baths at friends house
by BabyHardiman, Jan 10, 2008 03:05PM
We found out last week that my fiances 5 year old little girl has been taking baths over at her friends house. At first I did not understand why he would get so angry over her taking a bath at her friends house, but the more he explained the more I understood why he had such strong feelings.
His 5 year old (just turned 5 on the 6th of this month) is not ashamed of her body at all. She is so innocent. She will run around all day long naked if you let her, of course that does not happen. She gets out of the bath and wants to play in her room like that. I have seen this here at our home and it does scare me that she may act this way at a friends house. We also do not know the mother of her friend very well and we know she recently started seeing a new guy who sometimes stays over at her house and he has two kids that are 9 & 11 year old boy and girl.
My fiance's ex wife does not see anything at all wrong with this and refuses to listen when he trys to explain to her why he feels so strongly. She does not want to explain to their little girl why she can't take baths over at friends houses. The friend lives a block away by the way.
Something terrible happened with their older daughter and without going into detail I am sure everyone can figure out what happened. And it happened with an older friend (of hers) that everyone thought they could trust.
I would like to get some other opinions on this subject. I do not intend on getting too involved in the situation as I try to stay mutual and too often play the devils advocate to get him to see how his ex must feel.
We want the children to hang on to their innocence for as long as they can. I know we can't protect them 24 / 7, but something just doesn't set right with us here. We are not there to see who comes in and out of that friends house. What happened with his oldest daughter plays a huge role in our feelins on this matter, but are we taking away more from the kids by being over protective, and taking away their freedoms and childhood by being too protective?
I would really like to hear other thoughts on this matter.
His 5 year old (just turned 5 on the 6th of this month) is not ashamed of her body at all. She is so innocent. She will run around all day long naked if you let her, of course that does not happen. She gets out of the bath and wants to play in her room like that. I have seen this here at our home and it does scare me that she may act this way at a friends house. We also do not know the mother of her friend very well and we know she recently started seeing a new guy who sometimes stays over at her house and he has two kids that are 9 & 11 year old boy and girl.
My fiance's ex wife does not see anything at all wrong with this and refuses to listen when he trys to explain to her why he feels so strongly. She does not want to explain to their little girl why she can't take baths over at friends houses. The friend lives a block away by the way.
Something terrible happened with their older daughter and without going into detail I am sure everyone can figure out what happened. And it happened with an older friend (of hers) that everyone thought they could trust.
I would like to get some other opinions on this subject. I do not intend on getting too involved in the situation as I try to stay mutual and too often play the devils advocate to get him to see how his ex must feel.
We want the children to hang on to their innocence for as long as they can. I know we can't protect them 24 / 7, but something just doesn't set right with us here. We are not there to see who comes in and out of that friends house. What happened with his oldest daughter plays a huge role in our feelins on this matter, but are we taking away more from the kids by being over protective, and taking away their freedoms and childhood by being too protective?
I would really like to hear other thoughts on this matter.
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i also think she is to young to be taking showers over someone elses house. just give her a bath before she goes. or why not just talk to the women.
It is a delicate situation and subject. We do not want the girls mother to become upset enough to not let his daughter visit, and we do not want her to think that we feel she would harm her.
We do not want to smoother the kids, or make them fear the worse from everyone around them. I am getting differing opinions, because just like I said, at first I did not see the harm, but now I do.
I am not sure what steps to take next. It's like I take one step forward, then two steps back the following week. My pregnancy is going great, that is about all that is perfect in my life right now.
I am sure that it is extremely hard on his ex-wife to get comfortable with another woman trying to mother her kids. I only try to look out for the best interest of the kids, not anyone else.
There was a situation on the 5 year olds school where she was exposed to a little boy in the unisex bathroom. I thought the situation needed the mothers attention, and she got angry at me for bringing it up to her. She told my Fiancee that HE should be the filter between her and I, and that she did not want me to contact her anymore with concerns directly.
I am done trying to figure out her ways of thinking. I am just going to concede, and keep my mouth shut. I do not know what else to do. It has caused a huge rift in my home life this past week. I do not have a voice, and right now I feel like a stranger in my home, I feel like an outsider. I can't wait for my baby to arrive so I can shower her with all my love.
It's really hard as a mother, as you can imagine, given your pregnancy for another woman to come in and say things to you about what you should or shouldn't be doing with your children because you take it as they think you are a horrible mother and that they are a better mother than you.
Steparents Book Can Help: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp?WRD=stepparents
What the Rule of Thumb would be is this:
Step Aside and Step Back.. you are not the parent.
What you need to keep reminding yourself is that for better or worse, this child has two active parents in their lives and whether you agree with what they are doing or not,
It's Not your child.
I know it's difficult.
It's hard for me. I am a stepmother too.
But, what I do is listen to my husband when he talks because he needs me to be a friend in this situation. But, it's not my child. It's his responsibility to talk with his child's mother and THEY work it out...
I also have children with my ex and it's OUR children. It's hard.
But, me and my ex talk about what the kids are doing and what the kids need and what's going in their schoolwork, etc.
Right now, we have things going on with dr's appts etc and I tell him when I have them scheduled so he can attend and have an active say in what's going on, even though I have custody because I want him to always be involved.. he is their dad and their daddy and will always be their father no matter what happened between us.
anyways.. hope this helps. Blessings
If that means, he talks with the couple at the home where the child is taking showers/baths, then maybe he and the child's mother could meet with the other lady and the man she is involved with in sit-down meeting...
Get everything out in the open.
The adults in this situation need to be adults and have a meeting and hash this out - of course, get grandma or a friend to watch the kids - but get this taken care of.
Hope to find you well! Blessings
It's really hard as a mother, as you can imagine, given your pregnancy for another woman to come in and say things to you about what you should or shouldn't be doing with your children because you take it as they think you are a horrible mother and that they are a better mother than you.
Steparents Book Can Help: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp?WRD=stepparents
What the Rule of Thumb would be is this:
Step Aside and Step Back.. you are not the parent.
What you need to keep reminding yourself is that for better or worse, this child has two active parents in their lives and whether you agree with what they are doing or not,
It's Not your child.
I know it's difficult.
It's hard for me. I am a stepmother too.
But, what I do is listen to my husband when he talks because he needs me to be a friend in this situation. But, it's not my child. It's his responsibility to talk with his child's mother and THEY work it out...
I also have children with my ex and it's OUR children. It's hard.
But, me and my ex talk about what the kids are doing and what the kids need and what's going in their schoolwork, etc.
Right now, we have things going on with dr's appts etc and I tell him when I have them scheduled so he can attend and have an active say in what's going on, even though I have custody because I want him to always be involved.. he is their dad and their daddy and will always be their father no matter what happened between us.
anyways.. hope this helps. Blessings
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What I would say do if it were me... have the father call and talk with whoever he needs to talk to - so he can feel better about what's going on.
If that means, he talks with the couple at the home where the child is taking showers/baths, then maybe he and the child's mother could meet with the other lady and the man she is involved with in sit-down meeting...
Get everything out in the open.
The adults in this situation need to be adults and have a meeting and hash this out - of course, get grandma or a friend to watch the kids - but get this taken care of.
Hope to find you well! Blessings
Good Luck