5 month old will not let anyone else hold her!

[mommydaycare]

Hi, I am a daycare provider and recently started taking care of infants. I enjoy this a lot....I have a 5 1/2 month old little girl that has been coming to me for about 2 months now. My problem is she will not let me put her down. She screams at the top of her lungs and will not stop until I pick her up. She'll play on the floor for about 5 minutes and she's done! She starts crying for me to pick her up, she immediatly stops crying as soon as I pick her up. I even let her cry a little, but she doesn't stop. She also will not go to ANYBODY but me and her parents. This makes it difficult considering I have other children to tend to. This little girl is not your normal 5 month old. At 4 months she was sitting up on her own, she like to know whats going on and is very aware of things. She doesn't nap much unless I'm holding her but if I put her down in the crib she only sleeps about 20 minutes. I'm with her from about 7:30am to 5:30pm M-F. My friend thinks its seperation anxiety and that maybe she thinks I'm going to leave her?? Is that even possible when its not your child?? Please help! My arm hurts from holding her so much!

[redneckmom]

Could you try a baby bjorn?  She may sit in there considering it is attatched to your chest.  Will she sit in a swing or bouncy seat?  Is another child bothering her when she is not being held?  Also 10 hours a day is a LLLOOONNNGGG time for this little baby to be away from her parents.  Is it possible that they could only bring her part time?  That would probably help a lot.  good luck to you

[mommydaycare]

no, i've tried the baby thing, she'll use it for like 10 minutes. Swing or bouncy, she gets bored after 5 minutes!! I can put her on the floor for like 5-10 minutes, then she wants me to pick her up! Both of her parents work full time, I think they both have to with just buying a new house!

[redneckmom]

wow.  I really don't know what you are going to do. I haven't had any experience with babies like this.  Good luck = )

[jdtm]

Sounds very much like our granddaughter - sleep issues, early development, crying and clinging.  She was diagnosed with severe social anxiety at four years of age.  Whether you are dealing with separation or social or generalized anxiety is irrelevant - anxiety tends to manifest itself in similar ways.  Our granddaughter would not leave my side even when in our home, alone - this went on for probably six years.  I feel for this child - please stress to the parents to seek help as soon as possible (and I doubt if any pediatrician will help until this child is two or three years old).  I expect the early school years will be excruciatingly difficult for this child, her parents and the school system.

Your situation - you may have to tell the parents that you cannot devote this much time to one child or up their fee so that you can hire an assistant.   It may take years before this child will learn to trust.  Perhaps a close grandparent or some other relative that she can learn to trust could be the care provider?  I really think that the parents should somehow make arrangements so that one of them is with this child at all times.  Sorry - but sometimes the child we are given is not the child we ordered and lifestyles and expectation must be re-adjusted.  

[April2]

Wow, does this sound familiar! I too have been a daycare provider off and on for years. Some years back I took in a baby when she was a few months old. She grew very attached to me. She also seemed rather high strung and would startle easily and cry if I left the room. I couldn't even go to the bathroom! Finally, I called my director and asked her to come over and abserve the child. She did and offered some suggestions. She said to leave Alia in the living room with some toys and step out of the room briefly and then pop my head back in and say "Alia, I'm still here!" in this cheerful, sing-song voice. She told me to keep doing that stretching the time just a little bit longer each time. Each time returning and reassuring her that I was there. It took a little adjusting, but she started to catch on.
Also, I used to not be able to lay her down in the pack and play for nap time unless I rocked her with a bottle and she was completely asleep. I had to tiptoe to her bed and gently lay her down and if she startled or woke up, she'd immediatly cry and I'd pick her back up and start the whole process over again. My director told me to start laying her down before she was asleep, make sure she's got her blanky and cuddle toy and then firmly say "It's night-night time, Alia" and walk out and close the door. She'd start to scream of course. I think she was a little over a year at this point. I'd come back in the room and again say "It's night-night time, Alia. Lay down." In a firm but soft voice. Not yelling. It took about a week for her to figure out I was serious and she gradually stopped the crying and would just lay down. I'm not saying it was easy! At least not to begin with. However, I got her to the point I could just lay her down and walk out and she'd lay right down. She got easier as she got older. I think I kinda started those bad habits by thinking she had to be completely asleep to lay her down and that everything had to be completely quiet. She gained more confidence as she got older.
It used to make me feel bad too that many times her parents would come to pick her up after work and she'd immediately turn to me and cling to me as they were standing there holding their arms out. I knew this made them feel bad too so I would gently encourage her to go to Mama and Daddy. For awhile there she was starting to call me Mama! I quickly tried to discourage that from the beginning! But like you said, she was with me 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. She was actually more familiar with me. It's sad to say. She just got very attached to me.
She also wouldn't go to another provider if I was sick or needed someone else to watch her. She'd cry and cry if she was left with someone else. I just tried to make sure that I didn't have to have someone else watch her too often!
I got pretty attached to her too, though. You do, you know? I had her for so long and then the parents moved away and it felt strange to not have her anymore.
You are providing a great service. Good childcare is so needed in our society! It takes lot's and lot's of patience to be a good provider as I'm sure you know. Love and patience. I wish you well. I hope that things will start to do better for you. God bless.

[mommydaycare]

Thank you so much for you advice! yesterday I was able to put her down and play with toys for about an hour, with me right by her. It makes sense because I already do that sometimes. She looks for me, if I try to put her down, believe it or not she grabs my shirt and hangs on and she's only 5 months!! This is awesome. There are no other problems I have with her at all, its just putting her down or giving her to someone else. She loves to play with the other kids and watch them, she smiles at them. So I don't think its any type of social anxiety. Not at all! I just think maybe she thinks I'm going to leave her. Her mother had to go back to work after 3 months so she went to daycare, and then they moved and now she comes to me. Yes, she's like my baby! I miss her on weekends!! But I know I take good care of her!

[zoetreso]

i have a 5 month old son. same thing you are describing. He is a very happy baby and very early at everything he does but he will not go to anyone else. Its like he is terrified. Even my husband has trouble sometimes. Everyone says I am spoiling him but he has been this way since early on and I dont think you can spoil a 5 month old. I have tried to have a Nanny come 2 days a week to watch him while I am there but he wont go to her. I am at my wits end because as you described - sometimes I cant even go to the bathroom. Any advice would be appreciated.