sex Addiction?

[snowflake1123]

My son is 29 and  I think he has a serious problem.  He has had a few  girlfriends and has cheated on all of them. He has 2 children with a girl that never was his "girlfriend" . He has another child with another woman. It seems like sex is a contest to him. He keeps a list of names. I don't know how many names are on it now,but I found it when he was around 20 and there was over 40 names. It seems like no matter where you go  he has slept with 9 out of 10 girls in the room.  He lives with a girl now, she is crazy about him and in my opinion crazy to stay with him, she knows he cheats . He drinks heavily and ends up with some girl by the end of the night. Others just laugh and think he's just aregular guy, but they don't know the extent of it. His friends know about his list and he brags about  it. He's getting older and I think the girls are getting younger. What can I do? What can he do? is it a disease? is there a cure? How bad does it have to be to be a serious problem? I worry alot he has such a destructive life. sex, drinking, fights and possibly drugs. I pray I didn't do something to make him turn out this way.Help?

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

I agree that he has a serious problem but the least of it may be the sexual excess. What chills me is the fact that he takes no responsibility for the lives he has created and is creating-- he has children out there for whom it seems he has minimal commitment to or contact with. Why any woman would want to be " crazy about" a man who could do that to a child is beyond me and tells me that there is something not quite right with her.  Your son is all about himself, pleasure seeking without responsibility to either the women who desire him or the children they have because they also are not responsible or compassionate enough to make sure those children are planned and wanted and can be cared for adequately.

I don't know what you can do with a 29 year old man who behaves this way. You could urge him to get counseling or religious support to see how much trauma and sadness he is causing for others and ultimately, for himself.  But he is an adult and you cannot make an adult do anything. There is no use blaming yourself- nothing will come of that. But you can urge him and help him to find someone who try and help him refocus the way he is living his life. Perhaps a counselor from Alcoholics Anonymous would be a good beginning- since alcohol may help him forget about responsible actions and relationships. But all you can do is tell him what you think he needs. Until he agrees with you and seeks your counsel and support, there is not much else you can do. Pepper Schwartz, PhD

[rebbecca]

i wouldnt think that u did anything wrong, it seems that he is a very sexual person but going about it the wrong way. and girls his age will start picking up on it and not want to be with him b/c of stds. that maybe way he goes for the young ones. with his kids does he pay child support? or have anything to do with them?
he needs to remember he wont look like that forever and his habits will check up with him. and if he has slept with 40 around age 20 then he must be a womens dream, b/c cant see a 20 year old being that good,lol. so i would cut the number in half twice and then i would believe it!!
sad to say but the girl he is with has to be stupid to know about it and stay with him!!!!! or she cant find anyone else!!!!!!
does he still stay with u? i ask b/c u know alot about his sex life.

[snowflake1123]

He is way behind in child support. He sees his third one alot and has started to see the first two some.  I think we'd both be shocked if we knew how many now. I have no idea what he has over these girls, believe me I've wondered for years.  No. he does not live with me.  He has lived in at least 9 places since he left home 10 years ago.  I know lot because its pretty common knowledge, I've talked to alot of these girls, and the Mother of his first two , well lets put it this way most of her friends have been with him. He told me a few years ago he thought he had a problem, now he's finnaly admitted he has a drinking problem.  The thing I try not to think about is  if I have other Grandkids I don't even know.

[rebbecca]

i wish u the best. i think his kids should be number one and not the girls. and if he cant pay child support then he needs to go to jail. the babys didnt ask to be born!!