disciplining 18mth old and I'm 37wks...any advice?

[jjerzeegirl]

Hi All...

So like I said I am 37wks pregnant and have an 18mth old dd. She is very smart and understands more than you'd think. BUT...she is testing me like no other. When I tell her no...she basically smiles (and I mean I YELL no)
I do not believe in hitting, but I slapped her hand just before b/c she put her finger in the phone outlet in the wall. But that was the 3rd time.
I am looking for ANY advice/suggestions!

[AnnieBrooke]

I'm guessing she is vying for attention and validation at a time when everyone is focusing on the upcoming event.  When she is doing something neutral, give her a big smile and a hi.  When she does something positive, praise the heck out of her.  Both kinds of attention (especially getting a positive notice for doing nothing in particular) help defuse the need to get attention in negative ways.  Be ready (you and everyone else around her) to do the same when the baby is born.  It shouldn't be about her role as sister, it should be about her.

[jjerzeegirl]

I like your last point..how it should be about her and not her new role as a big sister. I'm just nervous that if she is acting like this now..when the baby isn't here yet....

She is VERY nurturing and takes care of her baby dolls as well as pulls my shirt up every so often to hug my belly.

I do try to give her positive feedback when i see her doing something good. (i was teacher before I become a mommy...lol...BUT IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT!)

Thanks for the advice!

[jd1419]

My two boys are very close in age (20 mos. apart) also..I do have one suggestion for you that I was able todo--when my second was born we were able to pretty much keep the same routine with him--he went to daycare every day--that way his routine stayed the same and I was given time to bond with  new baby--there were days I still had my oldest at home--but I made sure to take time to spend with him one on one--and it seemed to help.  istillhad a few problems with him getting into stuff but that is mainly their curiosity of why mom won't let me do this or what will happen if I do this.  So being a teacher you understand the why and how---just try and be patient and sometimes if it is not a probleme that willhurt her just ignore the behavior and she may not do it anymore--yes if it puttingher finger into a socket yell and a little spank on the hand or butt is not a bad thing.....

[Me2mommy2b]

I have the same issue.  DD has been SOOOOO difficult lately.  She wakes up nights and doesn't go back to sleep for HOURS just to be with me.  She's also extra cranky and whiny lately and the baby isn't even here yet!!  I'm losing my patience with her but I also do not believe in hitting/spanking and raising my voice is not doing anything.  She just goes ahead and does whatever she pleases.  She also learned to scream in a high tone that it's deafening.  I give in b/c I just don't want to hear it *sigh*  I'm 31 weeks pregnant and I'm sooooo tired!!  This lack of sleep is making me depressed and her behavior is adding to it.  Sorry for ranting.  I have no advice b/c I need one myself badly.  Just wanted to let you know that we're in the same boat.

[bjbbeauchamp]

I am in the same position as you.  My DD Is 18 months, but I am 28 weeks along.  She has been very clingy to me lately, so I am assuming she is sensing something is changing in Mommy and just wants attention.  When I tell my DD NO she just keeps on doing it, until I get up and then she runs and starts laughing.  I have had to pop her several times for her to actually understand that when I said NO I mean NO!  She does better with her Daddy, but man with me...not so well.  I am trying my best to just let her know that Mommy is leaving her or that when this baby arrives that she will still get the same amount of love and attention from me.  That's my goal anyways, but I know it will be very hard.  Just try and really stress No to her like you have been doing, but explain the reason why to.  I have learned that when I give a reason she will actually listen to what I am saying. Whether or not she really understands me, but I think it makes her feel more important.  B/c my DD is pretty smart and is doing things I didnt know 18 months old did.  She is really impressing me lately.  She talks pretty good...sentences and all, but you know a lot of the times I have no idea what she is saying.  We taught her sign language and it has helped out wonderfully!  Well, just hang in there and hopefully she will get over this stage soon;)

[jjerzeegirl]

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one going through this!

By dd was playing nicely on her slide this morning and after about 3 times of going down it...she then went over to her chair (with a smile) and climbed up to stand on it. She KNOWS what she can and cannot do...and knows ho to get a reaction from me. It's not like that was an attention getter either..b/c i was right next to her on the floor as she was sliding down and praising her.
Once she stood on the chair i said NO and told her that wasn't safe and I brought her back to the slide.
I read to remove them from the situation when they are doing something wrong.

But..i'm nervous b/c if she is acting like this now....what the heck am I going to do when dd is born. Good thing my dh will be home with me for the 1st week.

My grandmother always said...
"little kids little problems...big kids big problem"....so I guess we should be happy that we are dealing with the 'little' problems now...

Thanks for the support ladies...we're not alone!

[filbert143]

I think only part of the problem is the upcoming new baby.  The other part is their age - they are getting close to the "terrible 2's" - where it is their goal in life to test limits (and your patience).  You have to be consistent and set those limits - that is key!  And any caregivers (teachers, spouses, grandparents, etc) need to know those limits and reinforce them as well.

I read the book 1-2-3 Magic (sorry, I don't remember the author) and it was very helpful to me.  It essentially explained why you need consistency.  It also talks about not being emotional when disciplining.  If you yell or get upset, the child is only getting what they want.  The book says to count to 3 - slowly and the same way each time.  Once you get to three you put them in timeout.  At 18 months - it should only be for 1-2 minutes.  Before counting, tell them exactly what you're going to do so that they have a chance to fix it.  Ex - if you don't sit nice on that chair, you're going to go into timeout, 1 - 2 - 3.  If they don't do what you want by 3, you move them into time out.  No further explanations, no lectures, just action.  18 month old kids don't listen to logic or lectures.  You explaining that they might get an electric shock when they stick their finger into a wall socket won't change their decision to do it.  When counting to 3, don't pause extra long before 3 hoping that they will stop their behavior - that is letting them "win".  And don't extend your counting to 4 or 5 either.  If you are consistent with this, you will soon find that you won't have to count much past 1 before they stop what they are doing.

Obviously the book goes into much more detail and explains things better, but it really was magic for us!  We don't even need to "warn" them before counting - they know that they're doing something wrong as soon as I mutter a "1..."

I hope this helps.  Know that you're not alone!!  They are just getting to that age.  Good luck!

[ZevasMom]

Our DD just turned 18 months... I am with filbert on this one... I give her a warning (stop, no, etc.)... if she doesn't stop, I begin the count... If she is still misbehaving by 3, I make her sit down, timeout for 90 seconds (I read somewhere a minute for every year old)... Well, she freaks out, screaming and carrying on, and saying "up"... I just look at her and say no... Has been working for us...

[jjerzeegirl]

I love the counting advice and have used that...but not consistently...i will give it a whirl. When you put them in time out...do they really stay there? do you have a chair/rug for them to sit on?

[filbert143]

We have a chair (just from our kitchen table that we move into the hall when needed) that we call a "thinking chair".  She knows thats where the timeouts are.  As soon as we move the chair into the hall, she stops dead in her tracks.  We don't even need to say "1".  

At first they won't sit in it - they will continue to get up and run around or throw a fit...you just pick them up, put them back and start the timeout over.  Don't say a word, just do it.  If you talk more, you are giving them what they want - more attention.  And it's important to start the timer all over too.  The first few times might be awful.  I think my dd's first timeout lasted somewhere between 30-60 minutes by the time it was all said and done!!  And that was for a 2 minute timeout!!  Needless to say, the second one was much, much better :)

[jjerzeegirl]

So I bought a stool for her today. This way she knows she can only stand on this to help her reach something nothing else. (brushing her teeth, playing with her kitchen set).

So you actually set a timer for her? If so...is it in her vision?

[filbert143]

I started just looking at the clock in the family room that had a second hand on it.  But since you're supposed to carry on with whatever you were doing (again, to not let them think that they won the battle) I ended up setting the kitchen timer on the stove.  That way the beep would sound and we would both know that she was done - regardless of what room I was in and what I was doing.  When we started doing this, she didn't have any concept of time so it really didn't matter if she could see the clock/timer anyway.