How to help?

[rgoose]

My daughter has bulimia.  She is an A student, captain of the BB team, state golfer, beautiful.  I just found out she has had bulimia for 10 months.  I did not know, as a parent i feel awful and I want to do whatever i can to help her, but i do not know how to help.  I have taken her to a doctor that put her on Provak and she seems to be getting her personality back.  She is meeting with a counselor who specializes in eating disorders, but I don't know how to help her conquer this illness.  I am open to any and all suggestions.
Thanks,
rgoose

[netty13]

Hey rgoose

wow, I wonder if my mom ever posted on one of these sites.
does it boggle your mind what your daughter is doing? it doesn't to me. I've been there, been her, in my own way. I don't know if my advice can help, but I'll try. please sort it through and apply what makes sense/helps

first--
talk about it
hiding it will not help her. her father should know, your close family friends, her friends. putting this in the closet or making it something uncomfortable or shameful will only make it harder, on everybody. try to be comfortable with it yourself. I know that must be really hard--I can't even understand how hard, but try. ask her "how was your eating today" and look her in the face.
also, having people know about it will make it easier on her to control her eating. if they offer her one of her binge foods--say, ice cream--and she rejects it, maybe they'll be more sensitive to letting that go. and family events, with food, and perhaps other triggers that make her have an episode, will be more bearable for her.

kudos to you for helping her get help. the provak, the counselor, will both help her. but you know her best. there are a lot of reasons why young women do this. insecurity (about the future, etc) need for control, need for attention (though it sounds like she gets it), insecurity about herself- if she's really sensitive, she might be using this as an outlet to battle the pressure she feels, just by being successful and beautiful and paid attention to. I don't know her mind, but you do. chances are, she hasn't changed much since she was a little girl. what made her crazy then? what did she need? to feel safe? to feel secure? help her with whatever is making her scared/nervous/feeling out of control--like college plans, or her future.

guys can do this too---I mean, a girl's need to feel attractive, or perhaps she feels too attractive and is afraid of that, or conflicted (she's a teenager, chances are, she's conflicted)
have you talked to her about guys? about how to deal with unwanted attention, or how to get good attention that she wants? how to get her head on straight about boys, kissing, sex, etc? I hope you have.
this is another hard topic for moms to talk about with daughters, but important.

and more
don't rag on yourself. please.
if you make this about your guilt, or that it hurts you, it will make it harder on her.
chances are, you've a part in this, yes. your self-image, how you raised her, etc.
but you care--it shows in your words, and your actions. you love her. look in your own mirror and ask if she's ever heard you make negative body comments. try to be more positive, for both of you.
and take it easy on yourself. she's taken this to a high level and its been her road and her choices. help her win this battle, love her no matter what

blessings

[amanda77rainbow]

I suggest that rather than ask how her eating was, ask her how her day went. When I was a teenager struggling with an eating disorder (I've been recovered for a decade) the last thing I wanted was for my eating habits to be made public. I would've welcomed questions about my day, my concerns, my self-esteem, etc. The discussions always revolved around what I was eating, but the eating problems were more like symptoms of larger problems. If I could've figured out a way to feel more in control of my life, perhaps recovery would've been quicker. Let your daughter have some say in her treatment plan. Let her keep her privacy, but be there if she wants to talk or needs a hug. Remember that she's become a person--she's more than an A student/captain of the BB team/state golfer. Let her know that it's ok to let go of some things; a B on a report card isn't the end of the world. She's also more than an eating disorder. Make sure she knows you love her; help her make her own decisions about her future.
I don't want to scare you, but keep in mind that the longer the behaviors go on, the harder it is to fully recover.

Good luck.