Problems with stepchilden

[joey6567]

My wife and I are aprouching our 4th year in marriage.The first 2 were like a fairytail.The last 2,not good.She had 3 children,who all liked me at first.They were all in there teens.They are now 23,21 and 17.Needless to say, mother is soft but way to leanent.The wicked stepfather is leanent at first to not seem so bad, but then gets stern.Has caused many problems in our relationship.Kids became disrespectful and even abusive to their mother.Thats when I steped in,like a good husband would.Daugher stood in our livingroom and told us she was trying to break us up.Youngest son,17 year old is doing same thing.Wife sees this but will not fix the problem.I'm currently living with parents.She says coming home is not a good idea right now.Am I wrong or right in feeling that I'm being punished for something he is doing wrong.Need advise please!!!!!!!

[MrsOckert]

Yep, you're the one being punished.  Unfortunately, in many instances like this the woman picks the kids over the stepfather.  In my experience most women tend to be the lenient pushovers with inconsistent discipline.

I'm sorry.  She needs to back you up and it looks like she's not going to anytime soon.

Don't be a wimp or pushover yourself.  Let her know you won't wait around.

[RockRose]

I'm not sure this is about who is "wrong" and who is "right" as much as it is about allowing adults to choose how they want to live.

You're talking about 3 adults here,  and one very soon to be adult.   "Lenient" is kind of a unusual word to use when you're dealing with adult relationships.  If they are disrespectful to her,  and she is okay with that and in fact doesn't want you to come back home,  that's how she chooses to live her life.  It's her right.

From her perspective,  she might say she married the man of her dreams until two years into the marriage when he revealed his true personality that he had kept hidden under a soft false facade.  Do you think that's how she feels?  She wanted the man she married,  not the true one who was hiding waiting to come out who had different expectations for how her adult offspring have to live.

I'm not sure your expectations that your wishes have to prevail is fair.

[lovingmom4kids]

This is one of the reasons that remarriages don't work out too.  It's not always that the people don't love each other.

Too often than not, it's something to do with the children from previous relationships.

Luckily, in this situation, the children are older.  Maybe you could all sit down and have a heart to heart as adults.  Maybe the children could see that their mom is happy.

Good Luck