Behavioral concerns - 3 year old

[Wizardly]

3 year old child's behavior - what to do?
This dearly loved child, aged 39 months has some quirky traits which concern me.  Please tell me your thoughts and advice for these behaviors . . .  he is bright (speech, language, intelligence . . . excellent memory, knows all colors, letters, numbers), and can be very socially appropriate, however,  he is becoming more and more consistent with the following behaviors:  he will be with family members - all of whom he loves, but if he is interacting with one person, and if another comes near, he will say "go away________" - he may say this to anyone who enters the room, if he has already "connected" with another person.  He will say go away to anyone (mommy, daddy, grandma, grandpa, etc.)
He also has been reacting aggressively if he is asked to do something that he does not want to do - saying "I will hit you, I will bite you" and then following through with hitting and biting if he is being particularly cranky - and it seems these behaviors are increasing.
He will sometimes say things like "I want him to crack his head"  "I want him to get hurt".
At other times, he may say he wants to be nice, and agree that we like nice friends not mean friends.

His diet is very limited - due to his own limited likes and more extensive dislikes.  His mainstay is carbs.  He loves fruits, will eat some soy based protein products, and essentially no meats or vegetables.

He also has an obsession with elevators and doors.

I have been concerned about the possibility of Aspergers' syndrome - but hopefully, he does not have enough of the characteristics to add up to that diagnosis.

Please tell me your thoughts so far.

Thank you so much.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It is often a challenge to figure out what might be occurring with a child so young. It is not unusual for children of this age to say things about aggressive impulses as they are learning to develop some control over those very impulses. It is the main reason why some children become fascinated by topics about good/evil, good guy/bad/guy, etc. Children need very clear limits and rely on their parents and other caretakers (e.g., pre-school teachers) to set those limits in no uncertain terms. The world of a three-year-old is black and white; there aren't shades of gray. Let your son know that any aggression is out of line, and discipline him with time out if he does act in an aggressive way. Young children also are energized by their attempts to take charge of their surrioundings by insisting sometimes that things be a certain way. This is, overall, a healthy process, but it can go too far when children attempt to set the direction in areas that are not within their purview. So it's a balancing act: permit and encourage appropriate choice making, and at the same time let the child know when certain decisions are not his/her to make. If you are wondering if the behaviors your son displays are a version of normal developmental processes or signs of disturbance, have him evaluated by a child psychologist or other suitable professional. That person can, with your help, examine the whole picture and see what is happening.