3yr old Daughter out of control!!!!!

[Hott_Momma]

I have a 3 yr old girl and she will not clean her room.  We have got to a point where I told her that she can just live with her room that way.  There is not one inch of carpet that can be seen.  I can't get her to even pick up her dirty clothes.  Her father and I do not live that way and I want her to understand that when she drags something out that she has to pick it back up.  I get upset when she starts dragging toys into our room and trashing our room.  I might seem to be a horrible parent, well to be honest I do feel like a horrible parent to not teach my daughter to be a clean person herself.  I was told by my mother to start telling her to get it cleaned within a few hours and what doesn't get picked up then to throw the rest in a trash bag (a clean one) and put it in the storage building, but tell her that I threw the toys away and then gradually put them back one at a time.  Well, that backfired and she helps me put the toys in the 'trash'! I'm at a total loss of mind here.  She always acts like she's the perfect little girl in front of people, but when we are at home with just us 3 (father, me, and her) then she does a complete 180!  She will jump on furniture and jumps on us and not even a smack on the hand (a verbal warning) or a time out helps her to calm down!  When we are doing our own thing she will do nothing but jabber and jabber or scream and holler until one of us says something to her.  Even then she only stops it for a minute and goes right back to doing what she was just doing.  Also, another thing is that she can never keep her clothes on!  When we get up in the morning she will be naked.  No panties, no shirt, no nothing!!!!  I can tell her to go get clothes on and she says 'NO!' and then runs and hides in another room.  I have no clue about how to get her to do what I ask.  Can I please get some answers on how to control an out of control 3yr Old???

[Salyna]

Is her name Raigan?!  lol  My daughter is 4 and I swear, you are talking about my daughter.  This is completely normal.  At first I didn't think it was because I have a lot of friends that don't have these issues.  Is your daugher very intuitive and seems more "ahead" than most kids her age?  Almost too smart for her own good?  My daughter is and I have found that it's a personality trait, as well.  I actually bought a few books about toddlers because I was convinced this was all a sign of something.  All I found out is that this is normal.  Toddlers actually feel more comfortable with their belongings scattered around.  When she puts stuff in your bedroom that's because she finds comfort in your bedroom and wants to add her belongings to it so that she feels more like a part of you.  It really is expecting way to much at this age for her to be tidy, at least in your sense of tidy, and to be controlled.  Her behavior as far as telling you no, etc. is very normal as well.  At this age, they are trying to gain more control over themselves.  Making a big deal out of it just makes it more interesting for her, which in turn makes her want to have more control, thus not listening to you.  There are a few things I have done that has helped: 1. First, realize that there are a lot of good qualities to children like this.  She is independant and that is actually very good.  2. Second, realize that she feels comfortable at home and with you and that's why she is able to let her hair down, so to speak around you.  Of course she is different around you than other people - it's Murphy's law - all kids do that!  3. Maybe it's time to start a chore chart.  You can even draw one paper and put pictures of the things that are most important to you.  Every day, when she accomplishes it, let her put a sticker in that square.  3.  Make clean up time a game i.e. "Whoever gets the most toys in their basket first, gets to pick which game we play before bed"!.  Realize that your daughter isn't a messy person and she isn't going to grow up to be some naked trash lady!  lol  It's a stage and she will grow out of it.  As far as the nakedness at night, my daughter went through a naked phase, but it wasn't just at night.  She did do it at night sometimes, and we realized that her room was too hot at night.  Once we made it cold, she kept them on.  Good luck!

[ticked]

My daughter is the same, whenever she feels like picking up her toys she will if not she wont.  I have stopped making it a big issue because I like you dont live that way.  I have a playroom for her and it has a door.  I shut it and i dont see it. I have had to learn to pick my battles.  I use the " if you want to do this you have to clean your playroom"  If  not she doesnt get it or doesnt go to it.  I also try using stamps.  She loves them and i use it for everything including going to sleep by herself.  Its frustrating i know because i am a clean freak lol. My daughter still takes her clothes off and she is turning 5 it is so normal.  They love that feeling, if only we could be so free lol..

[yummymummy1988]

just think she is only 3 year olds try and make tidying the room up fun start say if she tidys up u will give her something she wants

[tdub321]

That is so great that she helped you throw her toys away, haha!  When you put them in the "trash," did you actually put them away for a while or not?  I would say, next time, whatever toys aren't cleaned up, put them away and really stick with it.  First,  Help her do the big room cleanup since it's so out of control right now -- it may be too much for her to handle.  Once it's totally clean, make a clean up time each day and and if something is left out, take it away. That way, you know it was out because she was JUST playing with it, so it must be "valuable" to her.  If she asks for something that was put away, remind her why it was taken away and help her figure out a way to get it back.    

I make clean up a part of every activity we do, and its not an option.  That way the mess never really gets too out of hand.  In the morning, we generally start with a relatively clean space becuase it was picked up before bedtime.  If she plays for half an hour before breakfast, she has to clean up what she played with before coming to breakfast.  After breakfast she might play for two hours then want me to put together a puzzle with her.  Before puzzles, we clean up the toys she played with.  WHen puzzle is finished, we clean up the puzzle.  She doesn't even think twice about it now, when she's finished with soemthing, it's supposed to be put away.  It's a fun game, we sing the Barney "clean up" song and if she is resistant I make it a race.  Sometimes if I know it will be an issue, I dangle a really great carrot in front of her like watching an episode of Little Einsteins (her favorite.)  "It almost time for lunch... if you are a big helper and clean up your play room, you can watch Little Einsteins while mommy makes your sandwich."  And then I stick to it... if she doesn't help, she doesn't watch.  In this way, clean up is modeled at all times.   We clean up after lunch even... when she is finished with her food, she puts her own dishes in the sink and helps mommy wipe the table with a wet cloth.  

Sometimes if being silly and fun and making it a game doesn't work, more stern tactics have to be used... "Well you have two choices.  You can clean up your toys and watch Little Einsteins, or you can go to time-out."  In time-out, I set a timer and she can't leave until it goes off. I'm blessed with a child who stays there and is deeply offfended by the punishment.  I do not speak or look at her in time out, and when the buzzer goes off we talk about why she went to time out.  Don't ask questions like, will you listen next time or why didn't you listen, because they don't have answers for those things and it will turn into a battle.  
Just say something like, "You did not want to clean up.  You were mad.  I'm sorry you were mad, but you have to listen to mommy.  You are in time out for not being a good listener.  I know you can be a good listener, you're such a good girl.  Mommy loves you.  Now it's time to clean up. Betcha can't clean up as fast as mommy!" and immediately change your mood.  Staying mad after time out sends a very mixed message... when time-out is over, or after a punishment has been issued, it's over, and put a smile on no matter how steamed you still are.  They may remain sullen, but now you can help them come out of it.  Of course, if they go right back to tantrumming, they go right back to time out.    Have the, "I can do this all day, buster!" mentality, especially at the beginning when you are establishing a new routine.  

If you think cleaning up after every period of activity is too much, you can just try just doing "two minute cleanups" randomly throughout the day.  Make them at time that make sense, like before meals, naps, etc so you're not interrupting her play to do it.  Give her a few minutes of warning "In ten minutes it's time to clean up... five minutes, one minute..."  WHen it's cleaup time, set a timer (better yet, let her help you set the timer) and "race" to see who can clean up the most before the buzzer goes off.  

As far as the attention-getting behavior of jumping on things and jabbering nonstop, it's probably exactly that -- attention getting.  SHe is getting a big rise out of you when she does this, even if it's negative attention -- so try showering her with positive attention before that kind of behavior starts.  Spend a lot of one on one time with her when you first get home, praise every little thing she does well, including the good behavior she had while you were out.  When she is jabbering at you, even if it's driving you crazy, stop your conversation for a second and really listen to find out what she wants.  Answer her question without sounding irritated and then say, "Mommy and daddy were talking.  Next time we are talking, you need to wait your turn."  Or if she wants you to play with her, say," Mommy and daddy are busy, but if you play quietly for a few minutes, I will come and play with you."  Give HUGE praise every minute that she is staying "calm" or not misbehaving.  "I REALLY like how you are playing quietly" or "Thank you for waiting your turn to talk!  I really like that."  

In the end, all the behavior is totally normal and she is just testing her limits.  

[mama_cat]

there is also no sense of time at this age, my daughter is 4 and in her thinking everything has happened or was done this morning or yesterday, she has a messy room too and to her she is just having fun with her toys not trying to mis-behave.  I constantly have to try and remember to not expect too much from her, I just continue to explain and teach and hope it catches on one day