Controlling mother

[Graciet]

How do I break the cycle? I was brought up by a mother who was very controlling. She was a single parent and I am now co-dependent on her as an adult.I experienced Anorexia, depression and severe anxiety most of my life. I am now 27.

I feel responsible for her pain and she won"t be there for me through my own suffering, as she says I have put her through enough...Her! If she only knew how much I with-hold information just to protect her...

She will only be there when I ""do as she says". I am ignored in my greatest times of distress and feel I need her to cope. I only want a hug. A shoulder to cry on - nothing more. She abandons me when I need her the most. I feel unworthy, unloved and she has made me believe she is the ONLY ONE I can rely on or if I don't do what she says I am a failure. Nothing I do or say os good enough. Please help. I feel like I am worth nothing. I am going through a lot at the moment and feel trapped, distraught and extremely guilty for upsetting her. I also feel unlovable as she has abandoned me once again when I need her the most. I am going through a marriage break-up, and have 3 kids under 6....I just don't know what to do any more. Thanks,

Gracie

[jo929]

i have read your post several time and i know that i am not qualified to really give you a good answer but i will say that if you are anorexia have anxiety, depression are you under the doctors care if not i beleive that you shoud see one to deal with these problems because you need to be able to take care of you little ones they need thjei mommy very much how long have you had these health problems did you have them when you married. you seem to be more anxious about your mom than anything else i have known many controlling moms, but when one leaves the home and gets married you have a choice of being controlled or not but i sense that there is a lot more going on between you and mom and do not want to comment on it if you would like to write me personally click on my profile i will try to help if i can i will at least listen and if i feel that i can give some advice i will    i wish you lots of luck  hang in there   jo

[jml1986]

I am sure I do not have all the answers, but I do know that if we allow people to treat us bad, they will. It sounds like having a relationship with your mother is toxic for you. You do have the power to stop her controling ways, but it sounds like you may need help doing it. I would suggest you see a therapist. A therapist can help you work out your problem with your mom as well as your eating disorder. Good luck

[April2]

I was recommended to read the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend by a counselor friend of mine. He recommended it to me because I have a controlling mother too (although not to the extreme of yours I don't think). This is a wonderful book and will teach you how to set up the boundaries with your family, friends, etc. and to take back that control and responsibility for your own life. Check it out and read it. I think you will get a lot out of it. Best wishes to you. God bless.

[teko]

We all have a mother. They have a special place in our lives. When you are young it is natural for a mom to be controlling as you call it. We all cause our parents pain and them us. This is normal. With that said, relationships between parents and children change when the child grows up and moves out and starts a life of their own. Moms will always be moms but with adult children it is more of a close friendship. As an adult, you control how much control your mom has in your life. If you do not like the way your mom raised you then the way to change it is to not be that kind of a mom to your own kids. Put distance between you for awhile until the emotions calm down, then very politely let your mom know that it bothers you that she does not think highly of you. The bottom line is this. Your mother cannot control you, and as well, you cannot control her. You both seem to have the same problem.