sexual abuse

[cherylxx]

My 4 year old daughter has just told me that whilst her stepbrother was staying with us at christmas (he is 11 ) He was telling her to touch his privates and put it in her mouth. Please can you give me some advice on what I should do now. Her step brother has been having a lot of problems lately in the school. We have told his mum who is going to take him to see a psychiatrist. My daughter doesnt seem too upset by this, and i have told her that it was wrong what he did and she was right to tell me. Do I need to take her to the doctors or question her more about this?
Please help.

[SL345]

Your reaction has been very appropriate. Kudos to you. You sound calm, but I imagine you're a wreck. Your daughter needs time and opportunities to process what's happened to her. Without stressing her, and if you can bear it, see if she can share some of the details of what happened - where they were, what he said/did first, next, next; what said/did; how she felt; how she feels now talking about it. It's important that she hear strongly again what a good decision she made to tell you, that you will make sure she stays safe, that she did  nothing to cause this, and if she ever feels uncomfortable again (with him or anyone) what she can do, say and who she can tell. If you feel you can't do any of the above or if she starts showing a delayed reaction (not unusual) with regression, bedwetting, nightmares, difficulty sleeping, aggressive or sexualized behavior or language, she should be seen by someone who specializes in this area of mental health. If you think the behavior was confined to oral and touching behavior, I don't think she needs a physical exam. However, if you suspect otherwise, she should probably be examined. The issue of your stepson is another story. He needs to be evaluated and supervised. The laws in your state may lead to police involvement. This is tricky, but in some locales it is the only way to secure appropriate services for the sexually aggressive youth. Someone could call Safer Society or STOP IT NOW for mental health referral names in your area. Those agencies will not report to state authorities. You need to consider how to support him during this initial phase of disclosure while holding him accountable and making sure he doesn't do it again to anyone else, maintain family relationships and get him the help he needs. Very difficult stuff. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

[jo929]

it is good that your daughter came to you when she did he may do worse next time i raised 3 girls and i told all of them when someone tries to touch their privete parts i explained it where a  4 year old would understand also to try to take theie panties down to come to me or go to some-grown up somewhere my daughter who was 5 was at her cousins 3 houses down and she  came to me and told me her cousins granfather tried to feel in her pants after talking with her and her girl cousin i found out he had done this to her to his own grandfather i am so glad that she trusted me to come it might have been worse this was stopped immediatly i hope that you keep her away from him and he does need help and also he needs some kind of punishing to show him this is innapropiate bahavior and will not be tolerated this really needs to be ponded in his head someway that you do not touch little girls or boys some one needs to say it is a no no I know people will be all over me but its a shame the law stopped spankings because in the ole days behind the wood shed and that would have stopped.  lots of luck  jo