Totally Monogomous & Married

[david737]

Hi Doc,

Ok, typical situation.  I have a high sex drive and want to experiment with anal sex.  My wife wants little if any experimentation, and sex only about once every other month, and that would really be too much for her (not much of an exaggeration either).  So you could say we are both frustrated.  Her fears are founded in her childhood upbringing about sex (strict Mennonite background, so like enjoying anything is bad) so anal sex is not only taboo but also a "sin," and this is probably complicated to some degree by the fact that she is a Nurse.  She is afraid of anal , and even worse things than that, from just one or two attempts at anal sex done properly.  She won't give me a chance, basically.

What can I do to get her over her coldness in general, get her to have some semblance of a healthy sex drive, and then get her to be willing to experiment every once in a while with anal sex?  I don't need anal every day, and won't pressure her all the time.  I just feel like she isn't really caring about me in her denials, and her coldness in general.  BTW, the coldness has been long standing, and not just after I mentioned the "A" word.

[jml1986]

I can imagine someone brought up as a Mennonite would have problems being open sexually. She has been raised to believe that sex is not a thing of pleasure. Changing her may not be easy. I think that you may have to put your anal dream aside for now and work on communicating. It might do both of you good to see a therapist so you can work through these things together. For the record though, not everyone woman enjoys anal sex so even if you did see someone, that may still not ever be an option. Don't take it personal, there are many other ways to have a happy healthy sex life.

[rilbrianne]

Can she stick a broom stick in your back side?  Maybe you will be a little more understanding when she says no.  Talk with her, be gentle with her, and communicate with her.  I'm sure you can set this particular desire aside if you love your wife enough that you don't want to hurt her just to get your jollies.  There are plenty of other ways to enjoy sex.

[whatisay]

"Can she stick a broom stick in your back side? "  My god, when  did anyojne say that was going to happen to his wife?  Are you saying a penis is the same a a broom handle?  This sounds brutal-do you equate anal sex with this type of activiity. Oddly thousands of people enjoy anal sex yet you condiser it sticking a broom stick in someone's body. Please   So, when a woman asks' for oral sex, should the guy respond, "Why don't you go eat a dead fish?"  

Shouldn't the wife not want to "hurt" her husband bu denying him sex?  So even is anal is not an option it does not sound like he is satisfied any other way.  That is not healthy either.  So, the adivce for him to just find another way to get his "jollies:" is just wrong.  

Couples need to work together, give and tkae. not the I set the rules you live by them model you endorse.