Marijuana--is it THAT bad?

[maybebaby29]

Hi all,

My husband smokes marijuana every day (since 11, he's 37 now!) and while I knew about it dating and marrying him, now that we're trying to have a baby, it's really bothering me. I never liked it and he knew it. His good friends smoke and some of them have kids. Right now we're going through our own infertility, some of which is caused by this (the other side is my issues) and it's making me think. Is me going through all these treatments, procedures, tests, shots, and other nastiness worth it if I'm bringing a child into a household and around his friends who smoke? I dont' like it. He's says he's a little more sensible where he won't smoke in the house with the kid. But his friends smoke in the house with their kids so I"m thinking, "Great, my kids going to be around their kids and hello....my kids will get easy access to it." And it's all really bothering me where I just want a divorce.

My husband is super pro-legalization/pot and says there is no difference between it and alcohol. I agree as far as effects but still, it is illegal and it just doesn't mix when you have kids.

He thinks I'm just a prude and tells me that if it bothers me I should just tell our friends our feelings for the future or wait until we have kids. I'm 36 so it's not like I have a lot of time screwing around in a trial and error stage and wait until either I can't take it or shut up and deal. I would love to bring our kids in a non-drug environment and hang with people who don't use. My husband is the type who just can't do me and him alone vacations so all I can think about is these friends thinking it's all fine and dandy to go on these group vacations with the kids and I just don't want us around them anymore.

As dumb as it sounds, I don't know what to do. My gut has that feeling just like any other breakup I had in the past but this is marriage--it's not as easy as a boyfriend/girlfriend breakup and the issue is we're married 7 years....why didn't I leave then?

[IBKleen]

All I can say is if you married him and hoped to change him, that obviously has not happened. Hun, you KNEW when you married him...so what were you thinking would change? It is not fair to you, and it is not fair to him. He is the only one who can decide how to live his life.

I am sorry if I sound harse, I just never understand these things. Good Luck and be kind to yourself.

[GoingToMakeIt]

You got your self into this with full knowledge of his behavior. I see two choices. No kids or no husband. Of course the alternate is to have kids, knowing they will grow up around pot. Would he & you agree to seeing a counselor? It might help, but I doubt that he will change.

[Jennifer375]

I agree completely with IBKleen,,, you knew he was like this before marrying him but decided to anyways. Your having a rough patch right now with trying to concive and I understand why thats stressful because Iv been there... but your looking for someone to blame and quite frankly theres little chance his smoking is having that great of an effect unless its constant and all day long. Its like when people blame infertility on their husband/wife having a few beers on the weekend,, unless you keep a substance in your body around the clock its unlkely that your body isnt flushing it out between time.

Marriage is HARD , Iv been married for 15 years so not just guessing here,,, about as hard as anything you will ever do, and every relationship has its problems. Infertility is a very common issue that causes marriages and relationships to fall apart. I guess the real question is,,  if you believe this is effecting your chances of conciving... would you consider a donor for the male portion.. or would you preffer anouther partner all together because of your adversion to his habit?

My husband plays WOW every night except fridays, before that came along it was other roll playing games, and on that 'friday' he goes and plays this with his friends in a group setting. I HATE how he chooses to escape from reality but I have my own 'reality' escapes as do most people. Gambling, drinking, smoking, mountain climbing... everyone has their 'thing',,, the question is, does it do more damage than good and if so is it worth getting a divorce over?

Tough situation....

[avisg]

I  feel for you .It sounds like a lack of maturity on hubbys end .Maybe the two of you have just grown in different directions.  If raising kids in an ad rug free environment it important to you . Then this might not be the right guy for you to have them with . Maybe if you are not sure about whether you want to continue with this man you might want to put trying on hold.He is who he is .It is very doubtful he will change .So can you accept him just the way he is ?