Scared about hsv 1

[JJ2797]

Hi, just a few questions.  I recenently was diagnosed with HSV 1.  When the herpes select blood test was performed, it was six days after the most recent sexual partner (new partner).  From what the doctor told me, it would be almost impossible to have aquired antibodies this soon, and probably already had it it.  Does this sound accurate?  The doc said I probably got it as a kid.  I've never had a symptom orally or genitally, so I'm pretty concerned.

Another concern of mine is what to tell a new partner (if that should ever happen!).  On one hand I think it is important to disclose this to a new partner (I would hate to infect someone), and on the other hand I feel like if I've had this for so long and it's never been a problem to me or anyone I've been with, would I unneccesarily freak them out?  Especially since so many people have hsv 1.  I've heard of doctors saying it's no big deal, and a lot won't even test just so people aren't freaked out.  I've also never heard of someone telling a child (even when they get older) that their cold sore (thus hsv 1 status) is going to have to be disclosed to every physical relation they will be in!  It seems some people freak out (like me!) and I'm wondering if I am overreacting.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! Thank you so much (I haven't slept or ate much in days I'm so scared!)

jj

[gracefromHHP]

A positive blood test 6 days afterwards means you had hsv1 before that encounter.  Whether it's oral or genital you can't be 100% sure but a lack of symptoms either area means it's most likely oral if you want to go with the statistics.

It's totally up to you how you want to handle knowing that you have hsv1 and any future partners.

Try to relax a little about this -  60% of adults in the US alone have hsv1 orally. By the time we get to the old folks home it's closer to 80%. Not many of us get thru life without hsv1.  

grace

[JJ2797]

Thanks for the comments.  I am trying to relax, but I guess I feel this has changed my entire life.  I'm still not sure what to say to future partners.  I've read some people on the internet say it's no big deal and not to even say anything, and probably would have done that before.  But now that I know I have it, I'm not so sure.  It seems like I wouldn't have any problems in the future, but what if I did?  It's funny that perception can change everything, if I didn't know I had it, I would feel fine (but possibly infecting others).  I have talked to a few doctors, but they really just acted like it's no big deal, and because of my age (38 year old male), and because of no problems in the past, I was probably not going to pass it to anyone.  I also get paranoid of every itch or tingle (orally or genitally) thinking it could be a breakout, and makes me wonder if I have had a breakout, but never noticed it, or dismissed it as something else.  This is so horrible.

[JJ2797]

Anyone else out ther going through something similar?  I just have so many feelings of dread and guilt.  I am overwhelmed.

jj

[waringblender]

I wouldn't go with "horrible." The majority of people in the population have HSV1. What is your concern? You can't infect someone who already has it, and that's going to be the majority of people you meet. If you feel guilty, work that out as a separate issue from having HSV1. You are allowing yourself to be overwhelmed by this. Maybe try some relaxation techniques, go to the gym, do whatever helps you relax. If you can't let it go, consider seeking counseling.

[JJ2797]

I guess what I feel guilty about is not having it, but the possibility of passing it along to someone through kissing or oral sex.  Before I was teste, I have been in several long term monogamous relationships, and never had a problem with this.  What's funny is, I'm the exact same person I was before the test (I already had it , maybe even as a little kid, everyon in my family kisses on the lips all the time, never a big deal), but now that I have this knowledge I feel way different.  If I tell people, will they even want to be with me?  Who knows.  I feel like I'm heading for a very lonely life.

[waringblender]

In your age group, it's probably more than 60% of folks who have it. You need to calm down. You're talking about a virus that millions of people have. If you can't wrap your mind around kissing somebody now just because you know you have oral herpes, you'd best work that out in a therapist's office, because otherwise you are going to have a very lonely life.  

For the record, I have had HSV1 orally since childhood and the last cold sore I remember having was in about 7th or 8th grade. I've had no symptoms since then. And I have NEVER felt morally obligated to tell a partner about it. If you have HSV1 genitally or HSV2, my feeling is you have a moral obligation to tell your partners (especially if the HSV1 genitally is recurrent for you). And you should get tested with each new sexual partner and have them be tested as well so you know where you stand.

If you have sores on your mouth, don't kiss anybody  until they are healed. If you feel weird prodrome-like symptoms around your mouth, don't kiss anyone. Otherwise, don't worry about it. Stop thinking of yourself as a walking biohazard who needs to put on a HazMat suit just to walk down the street. You sound like you are somebody who is driven by your anxiety.

Sooner or later emotionally stable people simply stop worrying about it and stop  thinking about it. If that's not you, then get help for it.

[JJ2797]

You're right, I am definitely a worry wart.  You're also right, I've never really thought much about cold sores or even been worried.  That is until I started doing research and how easy it is to transmit orally to genitally.  I'm not even sure, I may even have it genitally!  Can't tell with the antibody tests!  I'm also paranoid about every little bump or zit or itch now.  I know I sound a little crazy, and I'm just trying to wrap my head around it.  I would hate to infect someone and have them feel like I do now:(

[JJ2797]

So I wake up this morning with what looks like a zit in my genital area, and I'm going to have it checked tomorrow to see if I do have hsv 1 genitally.  Told you I was paranoid!  I still don't know what to do about this.  I feel it will pretty much ruin any chance of being in a romantic relationship.  "Hi nice to meet you, and oh yeah, I've got herpes".  I can't imagine who would want to date me now.   I wonder if I should take Valtrex, although I've heard that's it's not as good for hsv 1 as hsv 2.  I'm not sure if this is true or not.

[waringblender]

Jesus, you haven't stopped spinning since you've been on this forum. Apparently you are also a selective reader, because you apparently have overlooked the statistics that were given to you - over half the population has herpes type 1. Do you even understand the implications of that? Half the population is not forgoing relationships because of having herpes. They have lives, kids, families, lovers, and careers. They don't believe their "lives are over" because of some stupid cold sores. And they don't act like they will never get laid again.

So get over it. If you want to believe you will never be in a relationship again, well, that will probably happen to you. And, no, nobody expects you to walk up to somebody and say "Hi, I have herpes." Get a grip. Do you walk up to somebody you're interested in and  say "Hi, I have  a psychotic brother-in-law," or "Hi, I masturbate 5 times a day?"  There are times and places for sharing personal information about yourself. You say you're 38? That's unbelievable, because you seem to be very unsophisticated and immature about how personal relationships evolve and develop.

If you decide to get sexually involved with somebody, there will be a time to discuss STDs, birth control, and all of that good stuff. You can tell them then. Until then, why bother telling anybody? But you appear to be in an all-spin zone. Try some counseling. Hooking up with a good therapist may be the best thing that ever happened to you. Yeesh.

[JJ2797]

Thanks for the comments, sorry if I seem a little overboard for you, but I came to this forum for a little help with somthing that is entirely new to me, and that I know nothing about.  I can't believe that I'm the only one wrestling with this, especially since so many people have it.  I KNOW most people have it, but I doubt the people that don't have it want it.  

[summerluvr]

I got really bad outbreak (primary infection) at 19 and it was a horrible experience, i had 20-30 sores in my my mouth, nose, armpit, lips. it was horrifying. also very painful and  i had a very severe fever, couldn't eat or drink etc.   I would never wish that on anyone so i'm always open about at the beginning of dating soemone, I spare the details but say i got infected as a teen but in the last 10 years i have not had anything, but i know i have it.

My Dr said its no big deal most people have it and doen't know it.. but for me i had never been exposed so thats why i got it so bad.. ..

in a non intimate situation (before being intimate) I say  "I get cold sores sometimes.. not something that happens much, usually only if i get the flu or too much sun