Help with family

[TSM253]

I need help. I have been with my husband for 12 years. He has a son who is 14 and we have 2 kids together 10 and 7. Here is the situation my stepson lives with his mom and gets everything nice gifts, vacations, etc. My husband and I do the same for all three kids and i am tired of it. Our  kids notice the difference especially since he (stepson) points it out. We decided to go on our 1st real family vacation this year to find out that his Mom is planning one a couple of weeks before ours. While he was visiting this weekend he made it known he is going on the 2 vacations. The one with us and the one with his Mom. We were trying to find a solution because I have been so aggravated over it because I feel bad for my kids. My husband came up with the solution to make him choose which one he wanted to go on explaing that their will be no hard feelings if he wants to go with his Mom. the hard feelings came after he left my husband is mad at me because he feels like he had to make him choose to keep the peace. My solution was for me to take the kids on a mini vacation this summer but he doesnt want me to do that either. I love my stepson but I am tired of doing everthing 100% equal when he has another family to get things from. I cant help but feel like our kids together are getting cheated. I dont want my marraige to end either Does anyone have any suggestions

[BabyHardiman]

I understand how you feel in a way.  I am having a child with a man who has 3 kids.. 2 by his ex-wife, and 1 by his ex-fiance.  The oldest has already started bragging that "she has two homes, and double the stuff while the baby will only have one home, and one half the stuff she has".  I just over look what she says because I know how upsetting it is for her to know that her Daddy will have a new baby living with him everyday and night while she is in another home.  This has been really hard on her to adjust to having to share him with yet another sibling.  I imagine that it is hard for your husbands son to have to share his dad and only get to see him part time.  Many times kids will act out by bragging because they are jealous and trying to make up for what they feel they are missing out on... does that make sense?

I will wait for you response before I post anymore of my story.  I know it feels to try to make things equal in your home, but feeling in turn like your kids are getting cheated.  I have been informed by my fiance that I am to treat ALL the kids EQUAL to my own... that may be a little hard for me, but I will try.

[BabyHardiman]

One more thing.  How could your husband make him chose which vacation to go on?  I am sure his mother will be upset with that ultimatum since I am sure she will want to share her vacation with her son.  Your husband, I am sure, feels the same.  I would not make the kids choose.  Your kids are very blessed to have their dad living in their home WITH THEM.  I think that you should look at things from the perspective.  I know that my fiance wants his kids with him all the time, and I see how painful it is for him to drop them off and leave.  It is not your step-sons fault that he has two homes and two sets of houses and two of everything else that kids normally only have one of.  I am sure he would MUCH rather have his dad living with him rather than having double of everything.