I am frustrated!

[mlou440]

I have two step children, 12 girl, 16 boy....both children really could care or less about me...in fact I am pretty sure that if I disappeared forever they wouldn't miss me....I am simply someone that they must deal with when they visit their Dad....they live mostly with their Mom and see their Dad 10 days per month approx....both children never go without, do not have to do chores, money is no object, etc...their parents dote on then and pretty much do everything....right down to homework...I was raised and raised my son in an environment that requires you to earn things and do your share...not sit back and do nothing...we they come to our home it is like the Holiday Inn for them...I have tried repeatedly to get their Dad to have family chats but he gets angry that I raise these issues....basically the kids do not communicate with me at all...the son rarely speaks to me and acts pretty much like I don't exist....the daughter doesn't talk at all...she is so introverted it is frightening...I am constantly asking her questions to draw her out but only receive yes and no answers...this situation is driving me crazy to the point of frustration and anger...I am at the point where now I resent the kids and don't want any interaction with them....they are decent kids...well behaved...but they don't communicate or interact...it really causes problems between myself and their dad....this has been going on for four years....I don't see it getting better.
I have one adult son who lives on his own and doesn't see them very often....even he thinks they are weird....I have never met kids that don't have constant chatter, enthusiasm and activities...these kids just sit in their rooms watching tv or at the computer.
I am open to any constructive criticism or suggestions.
thanks

[BabyHardiman]

It sounds alot like they have Parental Alienation.  Have you read up on the signs and symptoms.  Alot of kids that are in a blended family feel so torn that the best way to cope is to reject and keep to themselves to please one parent or the other.  I would strong suggest doing some research on this subject.

What is the mother like?  Do you have a co-parenting relationship with her and the father?  Do they co-parent well together?

My Fiance' has three daughters 7, 5 and 1.  I have yet to meet the 1 and a half year old.. she has a different mother from the oldest two.  The oldest two children are pretty much spoiled too, but they are sweet kids.  They do not eat what they don't want.. so basically they insist on us making 3 or 4 different meals, but that DOES NOT happen, we do not allow them to "rule the roost", if you know what I mean.  Our kids are younger than yours though, kids form their logical thinking by the age of 7, with help from BOTH parents they can become smart, healthy kids.

Have you thought about taking the daughter out with just the two of you?  Maybe to a movie where you two could sit beside each other for a couple hours in silence, share popcorn, and then rehash the movie over dinner or desert.  Movies usually exicte kids.  Just a thought.

I am interested in knowing how the mother acts though, and what role she is playing to help her kids adjust.

[BabyHardiman]

I forgot to mention that we have a daughter on the way.  =)  The kids are excited about the baby, but you can tell the oldest is getting a tad jealous about the new baby, because this baby will be with her Dad day in and day out.  That is soooo tuff on kids, to share with others.  I am going to make it my personal goal to MAKE SURE the kids know that this baby is not here to take their place with their father.  They will be very involved with the baby.  We have talked about this, and at first I resented him for saying that our home cannot become "baby centric" but ya know, it is my responsiblity as a step-mother to ensure that these kids feel secure in their home, and to feel loved just as much as the baby is, even by me.