stepbrother touching stepsister

[ohmom682]

Hi, this is the first time I posted anything but here it goes.  I have 2 daughters one is 13 and the other is 11 we live with my boyfriend and he has 2 sons one is 16 and the other is 11.  Last year my daughter came to me & told me that my boyfriends son had been touching her inappropriately, so we ask him & he said no that he didn’t touch her.  We talked to him & we didn’t let him back over for awhile.  Well recently he moved in with us.  The 1st few weeks was fine but then my daughter had a friend over & my daughter said that he touched her again but she didn’t tell me.  She went to her fathers  for the weekend & told his girlfriend what had happen.  They called the cops and a report was taken.  But in the mean time I don’t know what to do?  I’m lost on what to do.  I care for my boyfriends son like he was my own but I have to protected my daughter!! I’m just waiting since the cops were involved to hear from the detectives & I also know that children services was called so I just waiting on them to contact us.

What should I do????

[SL345]

Protect your daughter by asking her what would help make her feel safe and then try to implement her requests to tje best of your ability. Apologize to your daughter for not doing a better job of protecting her after the first time she told you and ask her if that is partly why she needed tpo tell someone else the second time. Praise her for telling her father's girlfriend and assure her your not upset that she didn't come to you this second time. Tell her the most important thing is that she told a trusted adult to make sure that someone knew something was happening that was making her feel uncomfortable. Assure her that you believe her and you will work very hard to make sure it doesn't happen again. It would be good if your boyfriend could have a similar conversation with her, if you're sure he fully appreciates the impact his son's behavior had on her and he won't slip in to defending his son's actions in any way or subtly blaming her. Ask your daughter about exactly what happened and listen to everything she says in a supportive way without judging it. Try to determine the impact that these events have had on her and whether or not she needs professional intervention. If you are unsure, bring her to a professional who specializes in sexual abuse victimization for evaluation. Mostly, use this as a time to build a stronger bond of trust and imprved communication to promote any needed psychological healing.

[jml1986]

Your number one priority is your daughter and keeping her safe. It is extremely difficult when a child is abused by another family member, biological or step, there is no difference. Sadly you will probably be told that your daughter can not be in the same house as your boyfriends son, and this means you will have to maintain separate households. The only other option will be that this boy will no longer be able to live with you, and can not be near your daughters without supervision. I would like to know how your boyfriend is handling the situation?

[SL345]

Although your point about protecting the victim is well taken, I would urge caution about the issue of the households being broken up. Each situation needs to be evaluated individually. With treatment and appropriate supervision, the recidivism rates are relatively low in case of juvenile on juvenile sexual abuse.

[teko]

Separate the children. The girls from the boys. This is more common than you think. They are not related. The bad part is when they find out that the girl came to you a year ago with the accusation and it was not taken seriously. If you are not married, you need to separate the children and get housing for you and your girls or you ex ( THE GIRLS DAD) is in a prime position to take custody. This may not be a bad idea. It may be a temporary fix until you get to the bottom of what is going on and c what childrens services intends to do.  Right now you need to show them that you are taking precautionary steps just in case it is true. It will help you keep your kids.

[chloe802]

How could you NOT know what to do? You ansewered your own question by saying that you have to protect your daughter. Your bf's son needs help, and your daughter now needs counseling. Your children come first, so now is the time (actually a year ago) to make some changes. Even if you have to break up w/ your boyfriend to protect your daughter.

[tamtam504]

first of all this happened to me as a child, by a family member, when i told of course he denied it. well i am now 35 years old and still rememember what happend to me . So for your daughters sake remove her from the situation, get the son the help he needs this really is an illness .If not you may hear the horror stories his children have to tell.The one who hurt me also hurt his own children! and if you do nothing when the story comes out you could face losing your own children for not doing anything  regards tam tam 504

[marissposa]

Your daughter needs you to take this seriously.  
Do everything you can to keep the boy out of her presence.  
Both of them need to be in therapy.  
Abuse is compounded when we are not taken seriously by the people who should be protecting us.  
You need to put aside any of your own desires to protect your child from more harm!
Best to you all.

[AnnaE]

Sounds like you all need counseling. You could start with you and your daughter. These incidents could hurt her furure Happiness, unless she gets help now. I know. I was abused as a child and got no help until I was very mature. I was very confused until I got help.

[RockRose]

Which kids are involved in this?  To me,  it makes a huge difference - you name all the ages but don't state which are the two involved.

[katarina777]

See, I think it is probably a good thing that this happened. Recently, my younger son's father called CSD on my 17 year old son, (not his son) because the 11 year old told him that the older one was acting sexually inappropriately. This was happening all along but this was the first time he said anything, as well as the last time. (It was not fun for the 11 year old to be interviewed at school about his brother, etc)
I had a great guy from CSD who immediately understood that my 17 year was not a child molester but that this had to do with him being bi-polar, and other stuff. It also scared the older one enough to stop it. Last, his psychiatrist was contacted and she told me to immediately take my 17 year old of this one medication he had been on for many years. In the end, it was more than anything this medication that had made him act this way. It stopped the moment he stopped it, and never happened again. Plus, you don't really know what happened and...well, now you get a chance to work through all of this. You, mom, don't really have to do anything but keep on thinking.  I mean, now you have help, and you need the help.