what should i do about my husband and this new man?

[chubbers]

ok so i got married to my bf of 5 yrs  last year. things were not great before we got married but i thought once we got married maybe he would take some responsibilty with some things but all i hear is broken promises. he has a back injury and he couldnt work for a year and he was supposed to be getting a new job bc the one he has now is a dead end job and doesnt get enough money or hours. well i have been hearing this for the last 6 months and nothing has happened. it took him almost 2 yrs just to get his car inspected and then he said he would get it fixed but never did and drives my car now and its not fair bc i pay all the bills. also he is addicted to pain pills now and so am i now. i want to get off these things but its hard when he is taking them all the time and abusing them. well i met this guy at work who seems amazing. he has a great job, car is payed off. we instantly fell for each other. he told me he thinks i am his soulmate and that he woud do anthing to be with me. he knows about my addiction and my husband. he said if i want to be with him he will help me though the addiction and do whatever it takes. i just dont know if he really think i am his soulmate i mean he doesnt know me that well. also i know he isnt trying to get in my pants bc we have slept together numerous times. there are some things  that bother me about him. he seems like the jeloua type but i dont know if its just me. last week i had to work sat night and he said he was going to a bachelors party . i ended up getting out early and made plans to go out to a party with my friends bc i thought he would be at the bachelor party late. well i called him and he said he was already home but whatever have fin with ur friends. i said well im sorry i havent seen them in a while ill make it up to u and i told him i would be out late but would call him on my way home. well he called me at 1am until 2 am nonstop i didnt hear my phoen ring. he got so mad at me and said he was worried i dont know why he was woried he knew i was going to be out late. then the other nite he was home and decided to look at my brothers and my ex's myspace page. he got all upset when he saw something i wrote to my brother saying that me and my ex and my parents were worried about him, but that is only bc my brother was friends with my ex. then he saw something on my ex's page that was really old about us being togeterh and how happy we were but it was old. well he called me non stop until 4am, and he knew i was sleeping bc i had to get up early and left mee 15 texts and voicemails. it  seems like he may be very insecure. he knows im trying to get my life settled with my addiction and my husband, i told him i had to take things slow. so i dont know what do u think i should do?

[teko]

So, you are cheating on your husband and your boyfriend does not trust you because after all, you cheated on your husband so you will probably cheat on him to. The old saying once a cheat always a cheat, rings true. The boyfriend sounds controlling and jealous and the husband sounds like he would rather be in la la land than face reality. You sound very needy. I think you need to get away from both of them, get your own place, pay your own bills and quit being like a feather in the wind with men and relationships. You are heading down a road you really do not want to travel. It is full of ruts. Stop and turn it around before it is too late. Counseling for your marriage might be an option. If not, then respect your husband and yourself enough to end the marriage before starting up with another man.

[MrsOckert]

I agree wholeheartedly with teko about you, etc.

From personal experience the man that leaves you 15 text's and voicemails is a man that will begin beating you in about two years.  It starts out feeling like he really cares about you, but that is so far from the truth.  Take it from experience speaking.

[chloe802]

First of all, your post is very long and complexing. Right to the point helps. Second, you said this guy is NOT trying to get in your pants, but you selpt together numerous times, so that sounds backwards. Third, you ARE cheating on your husband. Your "boyfriend" said he'd support your addiction, but you won't support your husbands? When there's probs in the marriage, I don't believe cheating is the ansewer. Knock off the affair, and focus on your marriage and addiction problum. There's an addiction board thats supportive, go there. And also, having an affair is just creating more problums. Only you can change matters, w/ counseling for your marriage. Marriage first.

[Jaybay]

The problem here isn't your husband or your "boyfriend."  It's you.  Your desperation to have a man in your life at any cost may well cost you your life, and is already costing you happiness.   It's time for you to get your emotional and physical houses in order before even thinking about sharing your life with anyone else.  

Fine, you got married too young before thinking through the consequences.  That's forgivable and fixable.  The drug addition is forgivable and fixable.  Your actions in resolving those issues are extremely important.  Now you're involved with a control freak before thinking through the consequences.  It sounds like every important life decision you've made was done thoughtlessly and rashly.  What exactly do you want in life?  Do you intend to float around from man to man until maybe you hit the right one?  

I don't say these things to hurt you, but rather to open your eyes.  According to your profile, you are 26 years old, but your actions are closer to those of a teenager.  If you can't beat this drug addiction because your husband always has them in your face, then you need to leave.  Get yourself into rehab and clean up your life.  You really can learn to live on your own two feet without depending on someone else for your happiness.  Learn to take care of yourself first.  Figure out what is really important to you in this life; then you can try to find someone worthy of sharing it with you.

[bosnianworrier]

shame on you. you have a husband who is sick and ur falling in lov and cheating with another guy just because he has a car payed off and he told u ur his soulmate? SAD SAD SAD!!!!

[smittygirl]

WOW.  Sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do.  I wish you all the best.

[dineshsibal]

While I understand how we slip into situations which give us temporary yet very desirable alternatives to the mess we find ourselves in; this guy has served that role.
He is obsessive, a predator and above all; while he may not be misusing any substance..he is an addict too. He is addicted to controlling and finding vulnerable company.
Get him out of ur system even before u do something about ur pain killers.
God Speed.