Losing myself...

[sk8tergirl]

I need help.  My husband and I have been married for 11  years now.  Two years ago, he was fired from his job as a graphic artist. (He blames me for this, by the way.)  He has taken on a few "handyman" type jobs, but that is it.  He has not had any jobs in the past few months.  I am a teacher, and I am the bread-winner of the house.  I am trying to encourage him to work, but he doesn't seem to want to.  He thinks I only want him to work so I can "spend more money."  

If he spent his jobless days working around the house and helping out, I wouldn't be so upset, but this is not the case.  He grocery shops and fills out the bills/sends them out, and the rest of the time he either sleeps, watches tv, or plays poker online.  I told him that he is losing me and that he needs to find something...even part-time...I don't care at this point...but he refuses.  I am beginning to resent him, and I am beginning to feel like I am losing myself...I don't know what to do.  He refuses to go to a marriage counselor.  He just wants to pretend everything is okay.  Maybe it is okay for him, but I am slowly dying...at 37...this saddens me.  What should I do?  Where can I go for help?

[mimi1313]

Hi,

It sounds like he is a little depresed but also a little manipulative. How did you play a part in him losing his job? My guess is you didn't. You need to stand up for yourself. He doesn't want to go to counseling, he doesn't want to contribute to the household, he just wants to be taken care of. If I were you, I would leave. I hate to say that, but if he would leave you, becasue you are the breadwinner you may have to pay him alimony. 37 is too young to feel like you are losing yourself. I divorced at 36 and I'm happier than I ever was. My advice is get an attorney. But the question you need to ask is are you ready to leave?

I wish you well and if you need anythign please email me.


Melissa

[Jaybay]

Well, you married someone who turned out to be a bum.  It's up to you to decide if you want to keep supporting him or not.  Since you make the money, you should be the one paying those bills.  You have a computer, so start paying them online if time is an issue.  Check your balance every day to see what is getting spent and where.  Put a fraud alert on your credit with all 3 credit agencies so you can be notified of any and all credit applications.

How much money is he spending to sit around and play online poker?  Last year the Feds made a big dent in online poker playing.  US banks can no longer fund those accounts.  Believe me, your husband must have a foreign bank account in order to even play these games now.  So how much money has he funneled out of your paycheck to fund that account?  I know what I'm talking about because my nephew got sucked into the online poker world thinking he could get rich and not have to work for wages.  He found out the hard way - very hard - that it doesn't work like that.

Take back control of your money, and get some legal advice.  

[BornTwoRiff]

try to get him to see his doctor,, he really sounds depressed..If he does not want to see one just tell him to imagine sitting and doing what he is now at 55 but you are gone and have a new life ..He does sound down but none of tha is your fault..

[freephilly]

Quit giving him money to gamble.  Actually, quit giving him money.  Gamblers cannot be trusted with money.  Hmmmmm....when you stop giving him money, he may have to go out and get a JOB....just a thought!