New Partner Has Herpes

[WantstoKnow5]

I met a great guy a few weeks ago, that told me on our second date that he has genital HSV-2.  He has had it for about 10 years now and has outbreaks a couple of times a year.  I was recently tested, before I met him, and the blood test came up negative for HSV.  Have spent the last few weeks researching and have a few questions.

1.  He says that he does not have oral herpes, but has had cold sores before.  I have not had a cold sore.  If he performs unprotected oral sex on me, what is the likelihood that I will catch his HSV-2?  Can I safely perform oral sex on him without a condom?  

2.  I understand that there is no such thing as 100% safe sex, but what are the odds of me getting herpes if we use condoms every time we have intercourse?  He is not on suppressive therapy of any kind.  I am trying to learn just some of the basic stats.

3.  If I understand correctly, if he touches his genitals and then touches mine, I can become exposed, is that right?  Is that likely?

4.  Can I become exposed from sharing soap in the shower, towels, showering together, etc?  What about sleeping next to each other without clothing?

Any information you can provide would be wonderful!  I do not want this to stop me from dating a wonderful man, but I have to admit that I am nervous.  I keep reading that I am less likely to get HSV from a partner who has herpes and is honest/careful, then from a person who just doesn't know if they do or do not, is that right?

[waringblender]

His honesty is really commendable. If you have had 4 or more sex partners in the past, you more than likely have already been exposed to someone with HSV-2, and they either didnt' tell you about it, or more likely they didn't know they had it.

1) are you negative for both types of herpes?

You can perform oral sex on him if he is not having any noticeable outbreaks or symptoms. Oral sex is low risk for all STDs, and HSV2 doesn't readily pass from the genitals to the mouth.

2) Statistics indicate that the likelihood of contraction from him to you with condoms is about 4-5% per year, if I recall correctly, but somebody can correct me on that if I'm wrong. I'm a woman, so I only know the F-to-M numbers by heart. :) That statistic is for an active sex life over the course of a YEAR, not with each episode of sex. Pretty good odds. If he uses suppressive medication daily, you can increase the odds in your favor even more.

3) Touching himself then touching you with his digits is not likely to cause infection. It's too direct. It's not really something you need to worry about.

4) No. And no. If he has an active outbreak, it might be a good idea for him (or you) to keep your teenies on (it wouldn't even have to be both of you, really). My negative partners and I always "spoon" and do lots of body rubbing, and they've never contracted it from me. And we never wear our teenies to bed. :)

The reason you may be less likely to get it from somebody who knows about it is because they  can monitor their body for their symptoms and let you know when it's not a good time to have sex. Somebody who doesn't know they have it could very well have sex during symptoms that they don't know are due to herpes and expose you to a higher risk of contracting it.

[waringblender]

N.B.: No. 3 should read "it's too INdirect." :o)

[waringblender]

1) He doesn't have HSV2 in his mouth, so he can perform oral sex on you just fine without a risk. If he gets oral cold sores from HSV1, he needs to refrain from kissing or touching you with his mouth while he has symptoms. HSV2 is a "below-the-waist" virus. It's not found above the waist except in very rare exceptions where somebody is infected with HSV2 orally. (It's really rare.) And even then, it's not going to shed very much at all.

Don't start tripping about HSV2 orally. It's extremely rare and not likely to happen.

[WantstoKnow5]

I believe that I am negative for both types of herpes, not positive on that though.  I have only had one other sex partner, but a handful (6) oral sex partners.  Does that change anything?