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Abuse Support Community
This patient support community is for discussions relating to emotional, physical, sexual, social, spiritual, spousal, and verbal abuse.
I am scared
by SCARED13612, Mar 05, 2008 04:47PM
I am scared and I am not sure where else to go. I have several women who have gone on websites to share what they have gone through in their lives and I feel that I need to share it to someone to help me make the next transition.
I have been in a serious relationship for over a year now. We met online and sparks flew the instant that we started talking. We spoke online for about 2 weeks before we decided to meet. He was perfect. After about a week it started. We were always arguing about something that I was too naive for him or that all my friends we perverts and only wanted one thing from me. So slowly and slowly I stopped talking to my friends to please him. I mean he sold the point so well to me that they all wanted to get in my pants because I was so good looking. To me they were my buddies that I would call up on a Wednesday night and go for beers and wings with. That stopped the instant that I met my boyfriend. I lived at home at the time we met and I was at his house more and more and it was because I felt obligated to be there to stop a fight. He knew where I was so everything was ok. He didn't need to question me on where I have been. And if iI did go to my moms it was like 21 questions everytime and he always made me feel guilty and cry for not wanting to stay there with him. Things got better and then after about 2 months I was pretty much living there and then at 3 months he asked me to move in with him. So I packed up, what was left anyways, and moved everything into his apartment. This was my mistake. I now had no where to hide or run. At least at my moms it was over the phone all the time, now the arguments we had were face to face. I don't really remember the first time that he hit me. I think that it is because I tell myself that it didn't happen. But the verbal abuse at this point was almost everyday. I was always doing something wrong, not saying something right, not acting or responding a certain way. Anything I did was never good enough. Oh and he reminded me of that a lot. That every other girl he had ever been with was better then me in everyway. And I know what everyone will say here, tell him to go and be with them then. I even think that in my head, but I never risked saying that in fear of getting beat. I have received major bruises on my arms, legs, face and heart because of this man. And for some reason I can't leave him. I can't just say I have had enough. Everytime we fight and he hits me (and its really bad) I pack my stuff and he gets right in my face and asks me why now in our relationship I am going to leave. Is it because I am cheating on him? And then I need to defend myself on that and I don't end up leaving. I never thought that it was possible to feel the way that he makes me feel, both good and bad. Because when we have fun we have so much fun together and I do think of him as my best friend. But then comes the darkness and my heart hurts everytime we argue. Is today the day that I will get the courage to leave. More recently I have been sitting at my desk and pondering at night the ways that I can get everything from the apartment while he is not there. Then I come up with that I can't do it all alone and I question my family and Friends because I have cut them off from my life for so long.
So I am in need of some advise. This is the first time that I have opened up about this and I felt that I had to now because I am coming to a crossraods where I think that I am getting to the point that I want to leave I am just so scared. I am scared of what people are going to think of me, why didn't you just leave? People will ask. And I have asked that to friends who were in this situation before, but it is different when you are in it. So if anyone has adivse if you have been in a similar situation I would love to hear how you dealt with it.
Sorry for the length but I started writing and I felt like I needed to say everything I wrote.
I look forward to your advise
I have been in a serious relationship for over a year now. We met online and sparks flew the instant that we started talking. We spoke online for about 2 weeks before we decided to meet. He was perfect. After about a week it started. We were always arguing about something that I was too naive for him or that all my friends we perverts and only wanted one thing from me. So slowly and slowly I stopped talking to my friends to please him. I mean he sold the point so well to me that they all wanted to get in my pants because I was so good looking. To me they were my buddies that I would call up on a Wednesday night and go for beers and wings with. That stopped the instant that I met my boyfriend. I lived at home at the time we met and I was at his house more and more and it was because I felt obligated to be there to stop a fight. He knew where I was so everything was ok. He didn't need to question me on where I have been. And if iI did go to my moms it was like 21 questions everytime and he always made me feel guilty and cry for not wanting to stay there with him. Things got better and then after about 2 months I was pretty much living there and then at 3 months he asked me to move in with him. So I packed up, what was left anyways, and moved everything into his apartment. This was my mistake. I now had no where to hide or run. At least at my moms it was over the phone all the time, now the arguments we had were face to face. I don't really remember the first time that he hit me. I think that it is because I tell myself that it didn't happen. But the verbal abuse at this point was almost everyday. I was always doing something wrong, not saying something right, not acting or responding a certain way. Anything I did was never good enough. Oh and he reminded me of that a lot. That every other girl he had ever been with was better then me in everyway. And I know what everyone will say here, tell him to go and be with them then. I even think that in my head, but I never risked saying that in fear of getting beat. I have received major bruises on my arms, legs, face and heart because of this man. And for some reason I can't leave him. I can't just say I have had enough. Everytime we fight and he hits me (and its really bad) I pack my stuff and he gets right in my face and asks me why now in our relationship I am going to leave. Is it because I am cheating on him? And then I need to defend myself on that and I don't end up leaving. I never thought that it was possible to feel the way that he makes me feel, both good and bad. Because when we have fun we have so much fun together and I do think of him as my best friend. But then comes the darkness and my heart hurts everytime we argue. Is today the day that I will get the courage to leave. More recently I have been sitting at my desk and pondering at night the ways that I can get everything from the apartment while he is not there. Then I come up with that I can't do it all alone and I question my family and Friends because I have cut them off from my life for so long.
So I am in need of some advise. This is the first time that I have opened up about this and I felt that I had to now because I am coming to a crossraods where I think that I am getting to the point that I want to leave I am just so scared. I am scared of what people are going to think of me, why didn't you just leave? People will ask. And I have asked that to friends who were in this situation before, but it is different when you are in it. So if anyone has adivse if you have been in a similar situation I would love to hear how you dealt with it.
Sorry for the length but I started writing and I felt like I needed to say everything I wrote.
I look forward to your advise
Post Comment
I am seriously pondering leaving and i am thinking of my ways to get out. A restraining order would not be necessary as he is not that in love with me. He tells me all the time. I guess I feel that with time it will get better and he will one day love me and it will stop.
As for the ex he had. He told me that they were verbally abusive towards one another but that he has never hit anyone before. The really ironic thing is that he used to volunteer at a women's distress center talking and helping women like myself get the courage to leave the abusive men. Now he has become that person!
I just think I need to stop thinking and do something. I can't do it when he is around otherwise he will hit me.
Thank you for all your support. I can't thank you enough. You have given me some sunlight through all the darkness
Thank you for all your support.
Put aside your guilt, shame and embarrassment. No man has the right to treat a woman like this ladies. To stay is to encouarage the behaviour and I cant tell you it will NEVER stop. These men do not love, they control, own & are true cowards. They make me sick !
I myself have been in a relationship that "could have " turned into this, but I never allowed it to happen. As long as you allow the behaviour to continue, you yorself are the one in control, you are determoning how it is you " will allow" yourself to be treated.
No matter how hard. RESPECT YOUR LIFE MORE.
My mother suffered at the hands of abuse, I watched it growing up, the fighting, the choking her till she passed out, the guns shhots at 11 when my little brother woke me & said how tyhey were fighting woth guns...the blood..the fear.....it will never ever stop...you must leave & you must do so NOW. These men are now men, they are cowards..they disqust me. Your family & friends love you, he never has...they dont know love.
He will stalk you, it has nothing to do with loving, prootect yourself at first signs..
Email me anytime...I am here, we all are !
HUGGGSSS!
THank you again
good luck .