Husband depressed and SAS

[noya804]

My husband has been more or less depressed for about a year now. And it's not getting any better. It started when I went to work in another country for half a year, but now I am back and it doesn't help any. He has about every symptom there is, first he stopped sleeping, now he sleeps all the time. He has gained a lot of weight, is extremely moody towards me. He started drinking too much, and he smokes a lot. He ordered some anti-depressive medecine by the Internet, no idea what it was, but he told me it didn't help any. He went to see a specialist, but told me after a single session that talking is not going to help, and that it's just stupid. He has very flexible hours of work, so he goes to sleep early and wakes up in the middle of the day. He suddenly started making weird noises while sleeping - stopping to breath for a moment as well. He doesnt enjoy talking to me any more, not even having sex. I really don't know what to do. Right now he just tells me to leave him alone. What can be done? Should I really leave him alone? I cannot convince him either to go to another doctor, nor to take any medecine. If a depression can be triggered by a negative event, is it possible that something else triggers the end of a depression?

[amanda77rainbow]

I don't know what the criteria are for severe depression. A psychiatrist could probably decide that, but a year is probably not long enough to place him in any sort of permanent condition. But he does sound miserable to me; perhaps a doctor can offer him something that takes effect quickly, like an antipsychotic (don't be afraid of the name; plenty of people take antipsychotic medication while they're waiting for antidepressants to take effect). I'm sure you don't need anyone to tell you that it's dangerous to take any kind of drug without a doctor's supervision.

Once he's feeling better, he may be more willing to try visiting a therapist. After a year of feeling miserable he may need to talk about some stuff. I've seen plenty of therapists I didn't like, but you can't judge the entire industry by one person. Therapists are individuals, with unique backgrounds, educations, and even relational styles. He should know that he WON'T get along with every single one but it's only important that he finds the right one.

If he refuses professional help, I'd suggest trying to help him find an outlet. Being distracted by engaging in a hobby or, really, engaging in ANYTHING, could give give him some relief. I throw darts, go for a run or punch a punching bag, crochet or knit, bake, or even clean the house. Strenuous exercise can be a good outlet for emotional pain and it offers the benefit of an endorphin flood. When I don't feel like doing anything I sometimes make myself just go outside for 5 minutes--or  10, or 20--and run as hard as I can. The sunshine is good for my mood, too. Your description of his sleep sounds to me like sleep apnea, though only a doctor could say. I think gaining weight can lead to this condition.

When I feel terrible, all I want is to be left alone. I mean it when I say "go away."
That being said, if I were truly left completely alone I think I'd just sink even deeper into depression. I'm fortunate that I have a great therapist who listens without seeming to nag. If your husband doesn't want to talk, maybe you can just sit in the same room with him and read or watch tv or something.

Don't lose hope. A year really isn't that long when you're talking about depression and it's entirely possible that this will be his only depressive episode.

Good luck.