I feel like I have lost myself

[sweetchecks]

My father died this last November, he was taking care of my mother who has had a heart attack and 2 strokes.  I stepped up to the plate by moving in with my mother to take care of her....I didn't realize how hard it was going to be.....I feel like I have NO LIFE of my own now.....my question is.....how do I get other people in my immediate family to help me.....I have asked for someone to come sit with her while I run to the store, they sometimes will but act like I'm asking to much of them.....I'm sick of it.....I have not had a day or evening to myself since last November......My only sibbling (a sister) lives only a few houses down  from us and won't hardly show her face.......Our family before my dad died was one that was together all the time and now...it's all fell apart....

[jo929]

i am so sorry to hear that your mom is ill and the loss of your father, I know that being a Caregiver can be one hard job, and sometimes you think you never are appreciated, bot i just Know Mom appreciates it even tho you may not know it. i wish that i could say something to comfort you , i have and am in the same boat so to speak my husband has had a stroke and cancer, and as i am an older person i can only do so much but i guess someone has to do it I wish you could get some kind of help, if she is on medicare they will pay someone to come in about 2 hr a day i will pray for you and mom and i want to say that you are a blessing to your mom.  may God bless you both . I wish all moms had a daughter like you.  lots of luck  jo

[sweetchecks]

awe thanks jo929.....your last sentence brought tears to my eyes.....I'm trying so hard to be a good daughter.......I couldn't stand the thought of mom going into a nursing home unless she had to have medical attention everyday......
i guess all we can do is our best and keep pushing forward to the next day......i wish you luck with yours too.....i know it's hard......my preacher says GOD will bless us for being there in their time of need.......thanks again jo......................sandy~

[laaz]

It is very hard being a caregiver. My Mother had dementia, we never put her in a nursing home - I made a promise to my parents years ago.  My Father would care for her in ther morning - I would come over about 4 in the afternoon and stay over night - change my mother  and clean her up from her acidents I would leave their house about 9 to 10 in the morning so my dad could sleep.  I would take their laundry home and wash it for them.  My mother went through many sheets as I would not put a diaper on her as this would make her skin break down  and get sore. After my Mother passed away (I quit my job to care for her - I am also married and have two children and 2 grandchildren.)  Shortly after my Father fell outside and hit his head - bitter cold outside, his body temp. very low - they did not think he would pull out of it - so I quit my job again took care of him until he got on his feet - two months later in went in for cartoid artery surgery to prevent from having a stroke - well he had a stroke on the table. The doctors only gave him one month to live.  I quit my job again.  Made my living room into my Fathers bedroom as I have a two story house.. I did therapy, exercises, bathing, pureed his food, thickened his liquids, changed his cathater drainage bag, wiped his butt, cut his hair EVERYTHING- I even took him for car rides - it took me along time to get him into the car but it was worth it. The one month that the doctors gave him turned into 3 YEARS. Yes 3 years of my life, missing things with my kids or grandkids, friends- you really find out who your true friends are when it gets tough. My husband in the beginning said why don't you and your dad move - I said fiine with me- THIS IS MY FATHER AND I AM GOING TO CARE FOR HIM UNTIL THE END NO MATTER WHO LIKES IT OR WHO DON'T.  Well, after 3 yrears my Father slipped into a coma in his bedrom at my house - that coma lasted a week then he passed away a week later. TO THIS VERY DAY OF MY LIFE I WOULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. I AM 50 YEARS OLD, YES I MISSED OUT ON THINGS IN MY LIFE BUT WE STILL HAVE TIME TO ENJOY THINGS, MY DAD WAS 84 WHEN HE PASSED AWAY - IT WILL BE 4 MONTHS ON JUNE 15 THAT HE HAS BEEN GONE. I TREASURE ALL THOSE SPECIAL TIMES THAT WE HAD TOGETHER, MEMORIES THAT WE SHARED AND MEMORIES THAT WE MADE. I HAVE THAT IN MY HEAD AND IN MY HEART FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. THAT NOBODY CAN TAKE AWAY FROM ME. I ONLY HAVE THESE MEMORIES NOT MY SISTERS, THEY TOO LIVED CLOSE BY.  PROMISES ARE MADE TO HELP BUT THAT DOES NOT COME TO PASS, SO YOU JUST HAVE TO MAKE FUN , ENJOYABLE DAYS TOGETHER AND MAKE MEMORIES THAT YOU TOO WILL ALWAYS HAVE IN YOUR HEAERT AND HEAD. YOU HAVE MANY YEARS OF LIFE AHEAD OF YOU - YOUR MOTHER PROBABLY DOES NOT AND IT DOES NOT LAST FOREVER.  CHERISH YOUR SPECIAL TIME WITH HER. I WOULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN IF I HAD TO , EVEN IF THER ONE MONTH TURNED INTO 3 YEARS.  I WISH I HAD MORE TIME TO MAKE MORE MEMORIES WITH MY FATHER BUT I DON'T.  AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, SOMETIMES PATIENTS CAN GET SHORT, BUT YOU MUST STEP BACK AND THINK - OF THE LOVE AND CARE THAT HOPEFULLY YOUR PARENTS GAVE YOU WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE- NOW IT'S YOUR TURN BUT FOR A SHORTER TIME. yOUR QUOTE WAS "i have no life" - well MAKE ONE FOR YOU AND INCLUDE YOUR MOTHER.  yOU CAN NOT IMAGINE THE THINGS YOU COULD DO WITH YOUR MOTHER TO MAKE THE DAY GO BY AND SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH HER.  I WOULD NEVER JUST PUT MY DAD IN HIS ROOM AND TELL HIM TO WATCH TV. - I STIMULATED HIS MIND AND I TURN IT HELPED ENRICH MY MIND AND MY LIFE.  GOD I MISS HIM SO MUCH.  I NOW HAVE TIME TO MAKE MEMORIES WITH MY GRANDKIDS, KIDS, HUSBAND ETC. BUT I ALSO HAVE A HAPPY HEART KNOWING THAT MY MOTHER AND FATHER WERE TAKEN CARE OF BY THE BEST - Me!!  YOUR  TIME WILL COME FOR YOU - TELL YOUR MOTHER EVERYTHING GOOD THAT YOU FEEL FOR HER IN YOUR HEART, TELL HER YOU LOVE HER AND HOW SPECIAL OF MOTHER SHE IS - IT DOES NOT TAKE MUCH TO MAKE AN ELDERLY PERSON HAPPY ESPECIALLY IF IT IS YOUR PARENT AND THAT SHOULD COME FROM THE HEART ANYWAY.  ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS THAT I AM SOOOOOO  HAPPY THAT I GAVE MY FATHER 3 GOOD YEARS, WITH GOOOD CARE, LAUGHS, PLAYING GAMES, SITTING IN HIS BEDROOM WATCHING MOVIES WITH HIM, TAKING HIM TO VETREN PARADES,  ETC. - USE YOUR IMAGINATION WITH HER AND YOU WILL HAVE FUN , MEMORIES AND MOST OF ALL MAYBE YOU CAN MAKE HER LAUGH, AND WHEN SHE DOES PASS AWAY YOU WILL HAVE ALL THESE WONDERFUL THINGS TO THINK ABOUT AND REAMEMBER  THAT WILL BE WITH YOU UNTIL THE DAY YOU DIE.

[laaz]

YOU ARE NOT MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING - YOUR SIBBLINGS AND THE REST OF YOUR FAMILY ARE THE ONES THAT ARE MISSING OUT. WHEN YOU PUT YOUR MOTHER TO BED AT NIGHT - MAKE SURE YOU TELL HER YOU LOVE HER,  YOU JUST NEVER KNOW IF YOU WILL GET THE CHANCE AGAIN.  LIFE IS SHORT AND IF GOES BY QUICKLY BUT THIS SAYING I HEARD OR READ.  ' LIFE IS NOT MEASURED BY HOW MANY BREATHS WE TAKE BUT THE MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY.  OH SO TRUE..........